


With You

by Galactic_Ink



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Kid Fic, M/M, Romance, Single Dad AU, Slice of Life, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-10-08 23:33:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 58,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10398663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galactic_Ink/pseuds/Galactic_Ink
Summary: Alfred and Ivan have been inseparable friends all though high school, but that reputation was ruined just a day before school ended. This sudden end leads to four years of silence until Alfred calls Ivan out of the blue for a wedding.





	1. We

**With You**

**Chapter 1: We**

Alfred stood outside his best friend's home waiting to be let in. He tapped his purple Converse clad foot on the porch impatiently until the door finally opened.

"Finally, thought yall died in there," Alfred said as he looked at the short wiry frame of Natalia.

"We have to get ready for school too," she said flatly as Alfred moved around her to get into the house.

"So true," he replied then headed for the stairs.

"He's still asleep!" Natalia shouted after him, to which Alfred just gave a "I know!" in return.

Once on the second floor of the home, he walked down the left side of the hallway to get to his friend's room. He opened the cream colored door to find a clean room and the smell of the summer air pouring in from an open window. He grazed his eyes over the desk, TV, bookcases, and closet, before settling on the bed.

"Ivan, get yer ass up!" he shouted into the room, but the teen in the bed didn't so much as flinch.

Alfred smacked his lips and went over to the bed to see ash blond hair stick up from under the covers. He pulled back the bedding to see an earbud in place and gave a knowing hum before pulling it out. He carefully managed to get the other one that was pinned between Ivan's head and the pillow then set them on the nightstand. He then took off his backpack and stretched his back before spreading his arms out and falling over onto Ivan. Alfred put all his weight into it and the moment he collapsed on Ivan the teen awoke startled and in pain.

"Well good morning sleeping beauty!" Alfred said happily as Ivan looked down at him.

"Chto delayesh'?" he asked after a moment of staring at Alfred.

"You're lucky I know what that means," Alfred huffed having wrangled Russian lessons from Ivan in the past and somewhat retaining all of it. "And what I'm doing is waking your ass up! Senior Skip Day is tomorrow, not today!" Alfred demanded and began to bounce and wiggle on top of Ivan.

Ivan groaned in exhaustion and laid still as Alfred moved about, not wanting to fight the other just yet. He didn't realize he had even closed his eyes until he felt Alfred's fingers pry them open.

"If you don't get up I'll never let you borrow my video games again."

"Oh, how _horrible_ ," Ivan said sarcastically and Alfred just rolled his eyes and slapped Ivan's face before climbing off of him.

"You say that now, but I know you get your ass beat in Mario Kart by your older sister."

Ivan glared at Alfred for that comment, and flipped him off for good measure before getting up.

"Aw, I love you too."

Ivan rolled his eyes then got out of bed and took note of the time.

"Alfred, it's 7 a.m. School starts at 9!"

"It's not a late day," Alfred corrected and took out his phone to show Ivan the date.

The instant his violet eyes saw it he quickly started to move, cursing the whole time he scrambled to get ready. Alfred just laughed at his expense and sat down on his bed.

"You really thought it was Wednesday! That's fuckin' priceless!"

"Shut up and get my shoes!" Ivan shouted as he stripped out of his clothes with no shame in front of Alfred.

Alfred just kept laughing as he did as he was told and grabbed a set of grey converse. The moment he showed them to Ivan the other was already shoving his pants on. Alfred looked at the clock to see it reading 7:15 then looked back at Ivan just as he snatched the shoes from Alfred.

Once Ivan was dressed he grabbed his backpack and booked it out of the room with Alfred trailing behind him. The moment they got downstairs Alfred spotted Ivan's older sister standing next to the open front door.

"I take it you need a ride this time?" she asked as she looked at the two.

"Yeah," Alfred said with a smile. "This fool went to sleep with his headphones in again."

Katyusha shook her head at her brother who popped out from the kitchen with two packages of pop tarts.

"Come on, I got to get back to campus after dropping you guys off. Natalia already went with Dad since she had to be there early."

Both of the teens nodded and rushed to the car to eat their pop tarts on the way. When Katyusha dropped them off they had ten minutes to spare and ran through the high school to get to their lockers then to class. The instant they stepped through the doorway of their first period the bell rang, but lucky for them the teacher wasn't present to give them a lecture on punctuality. They managed to slip into their seats just as the teacher walked in and believed to be scot free until attendance was taken.

"Ivan and Alfred. Don't think for a minute that I didn't see you two bolt in here," Mrs. Wu said as she looked at the two pointedly, "but I will overlook it this once since the year is almost over."

Alfred and Ivan shared a look then nodded their heads in thanks. After that Mrs. Wu went on with class and Ivan and Alfred did their best to focus in case Mrs. Wu changed her mind.

The school day for them was as average as always—Class after class, getting lectures on proper studying for finals and how they can't fuck up since they're seniors, how SATs and other test need to be scheduled in for the summer before applying to colleges, goofing off in most of those classes and in passing periods, though when lunch came around it was always a bit different each day.

Their table rested against the back wall of glass that looked out into the courtyard where other kids sat outside to eat. Alfred and Ivan had just left their science classes and headed for their table with their food in hand.

"I still can't believe that Mr. Keita set a 50 on fire," Alfred brought up as they walked.

"What was he trying to do with that anyways?" Ivan asked.

"I don't know, but the look on his face was priceless! I should have recorded it for you!" Alfred declared as they reached their already packed table.

Ivan just shrugged his shoulders as he sat down with his tray, which instantly alerted the others at the table.

"Sup you guys," Eliza said as she leaned over to steal some of Roderich's fries. "Together as always, I see."

"Don't you know it," Alfred said in a joking tone and wrapped his arms around Ivan. "We're gonna get married someday."

Ivan rolled his eyes, but a part of him felt oddly happy about the joke.

"You guys would have some ugly babies," Gilbert said as he looked over their friend Kiku's shoulder. The shorter teen was playing a game on his 3DS and he wanted to see how it was going.

"What?! Our kids would look great! My jaw line, his hair, a combination of our eye color— They could be models for Gerber!"

Gilbert cracked a laugh at hearing this and Alfred just tried to act mad, but gave in. They ended up cackling and Ivan just shook his head and went about eating.

"What's this, Ivan has no faith in your kids?" Matthew asked wanting to get in on the conversation.

Ivan looked up at Alfred's twin then set down his sandwich.

"I do, but they could do better than be Gerber models."

"Oh, Gerber's too lame for them, huh?" Alfred inquired then tried to think of other baby companies that their kids would be worthy of.

"As much as I'd love to sit here and talk about your nonexistent kids, we got Skip Day plans to make!" Eliza stated.

"You do know that Senior Skip Day isn't excused here. So we will be counted absent," Roderich informed.

"That's true, but that won't stop us," Gilbert pointed out.

"Do you have anything in mind?" Kiku asked without looking up from his game.

"The beach!"

Everyone looked at Gilbert blankly for a moment then started to nod their heads as they could see the idea working out.

"Yeah, but that's an hour drive from here," Matthew said.

"And only one of us has a car," Gilbert said then looked pointedly at Kiku, who didn't say anything in return.

"True, but Ivan's older sister has a car, and she'll totally take the rest of us if we let her come along!" Alfred said. "Plus if she doesn't, which I doubt, me and Mattie got our licenses so we can probably get the car from our Dad."

Everyone gave a hum to this but Mattie gave a skeptical look.

"Al, you know it's gonna take a lot of begging to get that car after you nearly wrecked the last time."

Alfred shook his finger at his brother while making a tut noise. He remembered that incident differently and thought his Dad and Papa had overreacted.

" _Nearly_ , dear brother, doesn't mean I _did_ , so we're in the clear."

Matthew rolled his eyes but let it go.

"Alright then it's settled right?" Gilbert asked.

"Right, Ivan?" Alfred asked as he looked pointedly at the quiet teen.

"Da."

"That's a yes!" Alfred shouted then tackled Ivan in a hug and shook him.

Ivan just waited out the hyper teen's actions, and once he was freed, continued to eat. The rest of lunch was spent talking about their beach plans and how Alfred was going to get revenge on the seagulls that stole his food on his last visit.

After lunch the remaining four classes went by in a flash and school was out for the day. Ivan met up with Alfred at his locker before they headed out. Alfred waved goodbye to his brother who was staying after with Roderich for band as they left. Once out on the sidewalk towards home Alfred let out a sigh and leaned into Ivan.

"School is almost over, dude. Can you believe it?"

Ivan looked down at the blonde head on his arm then back to the sidewalk.

"Yes, and I'll be thankful for it."

"What?!" Alfred asked as he pushed off of Ivan to look at him. "Dude, things are gonna change! We're going to graduate, then go to college, and then become adults! You're gonna get fat and I'm gonna go bald and it's gonna be horrible!"

"Why am I the one to get fat?" Ivan asked, arching a brow and looking at Alfred, who appeared to be drowning in despair. "You eat more than me in a day."

"Hey! Them's fightin' words!"

Ivan let out a laugh at that and shook his head.

"It'll be fine, Fredya. We're going to the same college, we'll always be friends, and we'll stay in touch with the others, too."

Alfred gave a hum to this and nodded his head.

"That is true, though you're going to be in different classes than me. You'll be dying in engineering and I'll be living it up in programing."

"It's architecture mostly, besides, there are general classes we'll have to take."

"Oh yeeeeaaahhhh…. And we'll be sharing a dorm," Alfred added in.

"Yup."

A beat of silence passed over them as they walked.

"So, you think our kids would be better than Gerber huh?"

Ivan let out a laugh to that and Alfred tried his damndest to carrying on their conversation from lunch. Ivan eventually steered the topic to their Senior Skip Day as they got near their homes. Alfred easily took to it and rambled on about what he wanted to do, which included burying Ivan in the sand, again.

"Nyet, the last time you did that I almost died."

"Oh come on! How was I supposed to know that it was low tide when I buried you!?"

Ivan still disagreed and Alfred only pouted as they got up to Ivan's house first.

"Oh, I'm gonna be spending the night with you by the way," Alfred said as Ivan opened his door. "It'll make it easier for us tomorrow."

"When was that decided?"

"Just now." Alfred said with a brilliant smile on his face.

"You are a cancer," Ivan said with a smile of his own.

"Yeah, but I'm your cancer," Alfred retorted with a wink. "I'll be over later after I pack some stuff!"

With that Alfred took off down the street, and crossed over to get to his home on the corner. Ivan just sighed as Alfred left and went into the house to be greeted by his Dad.

"Hello Father," he said simply upon seeing Aleksis sitting in the front room watching TV.

The man had full white hair and a low cut beard, he was tall and intimidating.

"Ivan," he said. "I take it Alfred is spending the night."

Ivan nodded his head and Aleksis just let out breathy laugh.

"That kid should just move in as much as he's over here," Aleksis commented.

Ivan felt his stomach flutter at the idea of Alfred living with him and tried to calm it.

"It would be pointless now since we'll be going to college soon," Ivan replied.

Aleksis gave a hum to that then let out a loud "Oh!" and leaned forward to grab something off the coffee table.

"This letter came from NU today," he said as he handed it over the arm couch to Ivan.

The teen walked over to take it and stared at the logo of his and Alfred's college.

"Are you going to open it, or wait until Alfred gets back?" Aleksis asked knowingly.

Ivan felt his face heat up at hearing this and as much as he'd like to go ahead and open it, he knew Alfred would like to be there for when he did.

"I'll wait."

Aleksis smiled at Ivan in a way that made him feel embarrassed.

"I'm gonna go now…"

Aleksis laughed lightly and shooed his son off, but before he got too far he said:

"I'll be going in early tomorrow so in case I don't see you, don't do anything stupid."

Ivan nodded as heeded Aleksis's words then headed up to his room quickly. He shut the door to his room, took off his backpack, and then collapsed into his bed. He sighed into the material then rolled over to look up at his ceiling. He found himself thinking about Alfred and how things really would change, even if they stayed together as friends.

_'We'd be ourselves wouldn't we? Just older… Eventually Alfred will get married and I…'_ Ivan trailed off as he became unsure if he would ever get married. He could only see himself with Alfred, be by his side no matter what. A life without the blonde would be…

"Unbearable?"

Ivan felt something in his heart flutter and twist in a way that made him feel nervous. He didn't understand it, and frankly he didn't want to. He just wanted to clear his mind and enjoy the silence before Alfred came over.

* * *

**Translations:**

Chto delayesh'? – What are you doing?


	2. Senior Skip Day

**Chapter 2: Senior Skip Day**

Ivan awoke to the sound of an alarm whaling at 8:00a.m. He quickly shut it off with a heavy hand, not wanting to deal with the noise. He took a deep breath as the silence came back to the room, but his peace was disturbed as he felt something tighten around his right side and leg. He turned his head to get a face full of wild blond hair, and realized then that it was Alfred beside him. The teen was clinging to him in his sleep, his face flushed with a soft pink and buried into his side. Ivan's arm was acting as Alfred's pillow and wrapped around to rest on Alfred's shoulder. The blonde wore nothing but boxers, and Ivan didn't even bat an eye.

It was a common occurrence when the two had sleepovers, no matter whose house they were at, they always slept in the same bed. It had started back in freshman year, when they had a horror movie marathon and Alfred couldn't get to sleep. Both had accepted it as part of their friendship and nothing more. Though sleeping like this did cause problems every now and again. Ivan had lost count of how many times either one of them got hard during the night and the awkward situation it resulted in the following morning, or that night if it obvious.

Ivan found himself giving a soft laugh at the awkward memory, but then stopped as he looked down at himself. He noticed that he had a little bit of tint in his underwear, but nothing to be concerned over, thankfully. He let out a sigh and looked around his room. The once net space was now a wreck—takeout containers littered the floor, DVDs and video games crowded around the TV stand and Xbox, a pile of towels covering a spill that happened when he and Alfred found out they got accepted to their college, clothes were everywhere and Ivan's own bedding was halfway onto the floor. Just thinking about cleaning up the mess made him want to go back to sleep.

He tried to roll over, but Alfred wouldn't budge, holding onto him tighter with his arms and legs. Ivan tried to flex the limbs that were trapped to get some feeling in them, but it only made Alfred curl into him more. This resulted in Alfred's knee brushing against Ivan's crotch and he felt his face catch fire from the touch. He didn't know why he felt so odd from something like that, but pushed the feeling aside.

"Ugh, it's too hot," Alfred grumbled half asleep. "Why are you hot?"

Ivan looked at Alfred as he took a deep breath and tried to fight off the tug of waking up. Ivan just smiled at the sight and went on to say the first thing that came to mind.

"I'm just sexy like that."

Alfred's brow furrowed as he heard this then relaxed as he let out a snort and started to laugh.

"Well that is true," he said between laughs.

Ivan couldn't help the few laughs that bubbled out of him because of Alfred. Eventually they calmed down and Ivan watched as Alfred opened one bright blue eye to look up at him from where he still laid on Ivan.

"What time is it?"

"8:33," Ivan replied as he looked to the digital clock on his nightstand.

Alfred let out a groan then let go of Ivan and bury his face into the space between Ivan and the pillow.

"We gotta meet them in like... an hour."

"Two hours, actually," Ivan corrected. "You know Gilbert can't get up for nothing."

Alfred just let out another groan then rolled over onto his back and stretched out. Ivan took that moment to sit up and stretch out his stiff side. Alfred watched him do this, watching his shirt ride up with his arms and the way he moved. Even without his glasses he could see decently with Ivan being so close.

"So, what we gonna do in two hours?"

Ivan gave a hum to this sudden question then reached for Alfred's glasses.

"We'll get cleaned up," he started as he turned around with Alfred's glasses in hand, "eat, then clean up my room—" Alfred groaned at this part and took his glasses lazily from Ivan's hand. "We wouldn't have to clean if someone didn't have to leave a mess wherever he goes," Ivan said pointedly and Alfred just flipped Ivan off as he slipped on his glasses.

Ivan rolled his eyes and Alfred just laughed and moved to put his chest to Ivan's back.

"Well I guess I can help clean, but first, give me a piggyback ride to the bathroom!" Alfred demanded.

"No way," Ivan scoffed. "You got legs, so use them." Ivan stood up quickly to get off the bed, leaving Alfred to desperately try to latch onto him. He ended up falling forward and landing face first on the floor while his legs remained on the bed.

"Some friend you are," Alfred huffed and Ivan gave a smirk as he opened his bedroom door.

Alfred watched Ivan leave through it, going to the bathroom just a few doors down. Alfred let out a yawn and slid off the bed the rest of the way then sat up. He decided to gather his things for a shower while Ivan was gone, and when he returned he went off to get clean.

It took a while for either of them to finally get downstairs to eat breakfast. Ivan had to drag Alfred out of the shower so he could still have hot water, then they had to clean up because Ivan wanted to get the trash out as soon as possible. The whole process took longer than necessary and by the time they got down stairs they had less than an hour to meet their friends at the Sonic on a road that lead to the beach.

"You guys finally ready?" Katyusha asked from the front room, already dressed and waiting.

She had quickly agreed to drive the boys over once they told her she was invited. She would have done it either way, but skipping a day of college wasn't going to hurt. She tried to get Natalia to come along, but since she was still in middle school their father denied her.

"Yeah, sorry. My room needed to be cleaned before we left," Ivan said from the kitchen.

"It didn't _need_ to be cleaned, you just wanted it that way," Alfred drawled and Ivan rolled his eyes.

"When we live together I'm going to punch you every time you leave a mess."

Alfred gasped in horror at this and Katyusha just laughed from overhearing.

"When's the wedding boys?" she asked as she got off the couch.

Both of them looked confused for a moment before Alfred jumped at the chance to answer first.

"It'll be soon! We're gonna have model babies," he said with a grin and Ivan just rolled his eyes. "You know if you do that enough times they're gonna get stuck that way," Alfred commented as he looked up at Ivan.

"How terrifying," Ivan said and Alfred just bumped him with his hip. Ivan rolled his eyes again but this time paused midway and gave a gasp. "Oh my _god_! They're stuck!"

He turned towards Alfred and the blonde instantly started to crack up. Alfred opened his mouth to call Ivan an ass, but he was cut off by the sound of both their phones going off. They looked down to see the text they got and both were from Matthew saying he was on his way over and that Kiku would be heading out in a few. Though for Alfred he got a bit more personal one saying that their Dad would kill him if he did anything stupid. Alfred rolled his eyes at the message then looked over to see Ivan placing a plate on the kitchen island meant for him and one for himself.

"We need to eat fast. I don't think that'll be a problem for you though," Ivan commented.

"Huh, I don't know if I should be insulted or complimented."

Ivan chuckled at hearing that then sat down with Alfred to eat. They scarfed down their breakfast, then threw their bags into the car, double checked that nothing was forgotten, threw Matthew into car once he appeared, then got on the road. Ivan sat up front and Alfred sat behind him in the back with his twin. The drive to Sonic wasn't long and when they pulled in Kiku's car was already there with two carhops with trays of food.

"You guys are late!" Gilbert shouted as Katyusha parked her car. "Oh heeeeeeyyyy Kat," Gilbert cooed through the front passenger window as he remembered that Ivan's top heavy sister was coming along.

Katyusha laughed at the greeting and Ivan just glared at his friend.

"Hi Gil," she finally said, which made the albino give a wink and made Ivan give him a death glare.

"Ivan, chill, you know Gilbert has no chance," Alfred said loud enough for Gilbert to hear.

"Says you!" Gilbert shouted as he flipped Alfred off.

Alfred stuck out his tongue then got out of the car to go mess with teen directly. Soon the carhops that where at Kiku's car came to Katyusha's and they ordered their lunch as well. They ate without much incident, though the French fry war that Eliza started did leave both cars a bit greasy and salty. After they ate they headed back out and finished up the drive to the beach.

When they arrived everyone bolted to find a good spot in the sand. It was past noon, and a good crowd of people covered the beach and boardwalk. They would have gotten there sooner but a train had delayed them and a few slow drivers. They eventually settled on a spot near the water that was not too close to anyone else. Once they dumped their stuff they stripped down to their swimsuits. Everyone was wearing them underneath their clothes and just peeled off the top layers. Though Katyusha prefer doing that private even though Eliza didn't. However, once everyone was beach ready, they quickly went off to the water. Kiku and Roderich weren't too enthused so they stayed on the edge of the ocean while everyone else went deeper.

Gilbert tried to fight Matthew in the water and Ivan spent most of his time glaring off anyone's wondering eyes as Katyusha floated around. Though Alfred did change that back tackling Ivan into the water. Ivan instinctively held onto Alfred tightly as they went under and both felt like their heart had stopped for moment just like their breathing. Ivan was captivated by how close Alfred's face was to him and how his hair shimmered and stayed under the sunlit sea. Alfred himself was taken by how the sunspots reflected through the water danced across Ivan's face and wondered if Ivan's eyes became a brighter purple at that moment. Eventually though, whatever strange trance had come over them was gone as the burning need for air appeared. They popped up from the water, gasping, and realized they had floated further into the ocean while below.

"Race ya?"

Ivan smirked and nodded and began the countdown.

"1… 2… 3!"

Both pushed through the water and swam as hard they could to get to shore. Their race was easily noticed by Eliza, who started to cheer for them. Soon the others joined in and when they made it to shore it was Alfred who got the most praise.

"Looks like I won," Alfred said smugly.

"You got lucky this time," Ivan said as he wiped the water off his face.

Alfred made a mocking gesture with his hand then demanded Ivan go with him to the boardwalk since he was the winner. The Russian just sighed, but followed. They didn't go unnoticed though and mostly everyone came with them, though Gilbert, Matthew, and Katyusha stayed in the water for a while longer.

On the boardwalk, Alfred noticed that other seniors from their school where walking around.

"I bet the schools pretty empty right now," he said as he pointed out a few kids he'd seen around the halls.

"It is Senior Skip Day," Ivan replied.

Alfred just rolled his eyes, but then stopped dead as he caught sight of someone. They were a few feet away, getting cotton candy at a booth. They were tall, pale, had short blonde hair, and shapely in the front and back. Something in Alfred's chest felt like it had just did a backflip at the sight of the girl. Of course Alfred falling dead silent and unmoving grabbed Ivan's attention and when he went to ask what was wrong Alfred put a hand to his chest to shut him up as he started to walk slowly to the girl. Ivan didn't realize this until he saw Alfred change his demeanor, going from shocked to nervous as he called out to someone. The instant he realized it was girl in a black and green bikini he didn't feel so good.

"H-Hey, uh…" Alfred trialed off the moment the girl turned around. Her piercing blue eyes made his mouth dry up. She looked at him oddly then had a faint pink come to her face as Alfred continued to stare and say nothing. She took a step back, planning on walking away, but Alfred took notice and finally said: "Hi! I'm Alfred Jones! I, I uh, go to Blue Seagull High… S-Sorry for staring it's just, you're so…uh…." Alfred trialed off as his face grew hot with embarrassment. Never in his life had he felt so stupid when talking to someone.

The girl stared at him for a while, her pink blush only growing a bit darker after she realized what was going on. She held her cotton candy tightly as she looked at Alfred, debating on what to say. Though the silence between them was murdering Alfred, and just when he was about to back out and hide behind a rock, she spoke.

"I'm Monika Schmidt. I go to Blue Seagull High too…"

Alfred felt like he had died at hearing her voice, it was laced with an accent that was obviously German. He could tell after spending years of his life with Gilbert.

"Monika… That's so pretty," Alfred blurted out.

Monika smiled softly at the compliment and Alfred gave a goofy grin in return. However, just behind them Ivan and the others were watching in awe. Kiku was recording the whole exchange and Ivan was just lost. He felt hurt for someone reason, perhaps because this was his and Alfred's time together and Alfred had just ran off to bother someone else looking so, so—He couldn't even find a word to describe it. The two seemed to be in tuned to each other, both of them looking less awkward with each other until someone wanted to get to the booth they stood in front of. It was that moment of interruption that Ivan found himself moving over to them. Roderich asked Ivan was he was doing, but he didn't answer because he didn't know himself. When he got to them he found that the girl was just a few inches taller than Alfred but still shorter than him. She seemed to get nervous once he appeared and Alfred turned around to see Ivan standing behind him.

"Oh, Ivan, uh… This is Monika, she's a senior at our school too!" Alfred introduced and the girl gave a weak wave of her hand. "She's usually in AP classes so that's why I haven't seen her around school," Alfred informed as if the information was vital to Ivan. Alfred's flustered behavior made Ivan's bad feeling grow, but he tried to push it down as he put a hand on Alfred's shoulder.

"Nice to meet you," Ivan said to her then focused back on Alfred. "Fredya we need to go. We're going to the Tilt-A-Whirl and I know you don't want to miss out," Ivan lied, but it was all he could think up.

"O-Oh, okay, sorry… Well, uh," Alfred paused as he looked up at Monika, "do you wanna come with? It'll be fun."

Ivan felt like his chest ache as Alfred asked this, but didn't give away that he was in pain. Though it quickly lifted as Monika shook her head.

"Sorry, I can't. I'm with my friend right now, but I'll, see you around?" she said as she moved to take a step back.

Alfred had a grin come to his face and nodded his head.

"Yeah, okay… See ya."

With that Monika left and Alfred was effectively dragged away into the direction of their friends and the Tilt-A-Whirl. The instant they got their friends Ivan told them where they had agreed to go and kept walking with Alfred towards the ride. The others, plus Gilbert, Matthew, and Katyusha, who arrived after Eliza ran for them to come see Alfred's pathetic flirting, just looked surprised by how harsh Ivan's voice sounded, but quickly got over it once they saw the goofy face Alfred had.

"Well, looks like somebody's in _love_ ," Eliza teased and Alfred just let out a sigh.

"I think I am," he admitted and Ivan's bad feeling grew stronger.

"So what's her name?" Matthew asked as they finally came to a stop at the Tilt-A-Whirl line.

"Monika, she's tall, and beautiful, and German, and just… holy fuck I can't even begin to… aaaahhhh." Alfred felt like he had been hit by a bus, and his friends laughed and awed at how flustered he was, except for Ivan.

"Did you get her number Casanova?" Gilbert asked with a laugh.

The instant this question came up Alfred paled and slapped a hand to his face.

"No! Damn it!"

"I'm sure you'll see her again before we leave, you can just get it then," Katyusha said as she patted his shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, plus, if I don't she goes to our school, so I can get it then."

"She does?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah, she's in AP classes," Alfred informed and Kiku nodded his head at hearing this.

"We share AP English and science," Kiku said as he recalled his classmates.

Alfred just smiled wider at hearing this then moved to hug Ivan tightly.

"Don't you think she's awesome?" Alfred asked the teen, realizing Ivan hadn't said a thing.

Ivan didn't know what to say to this. He just kept feeling that bad and ugly feeling in his gut making him feel sick. He knew he should be happy for Alfred to have found someone he loved, but he didn't and it bothered him. Nevertheless, he was Alfred's best friend, they'd be closer and together more than Alfred and Monika could ever be. So with this in mind, which settled his stomach just a little, he played the part of the happy and supportive best friend.

"Da, she seems nice, and could probably break you in half if you did something stupid. So I like her."

Alfred smiled wide enough that he let go of Ivan and held his cheeks in pain. He muttered "ow" repeatedly while the others cracked up at his expense, but their fun was cut short as the man in charge of the Tilt-A-Whirl, called for them to get on. They quickly paired off and got into the circular cars, and Ivan felt his bad feeling melting away as Alfred grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a car.

By the time the ride ended Ivan felt dizzy and back to normal as he and Alfred stumbled off the ride together. The rest of their Skip Day went by decently, though Alfred did take a few moments to look for Monika in the crowds. It wasn't until they were heading out to their cars that Alfred did find Monika again. She was with a short tan girl with long brown curly hair in a red bikini. Alfred didn't even think twice before he shouted Monika's name and once she looked his way he ran up to her. Ivan felt his bad feeling resurfacing and he tried to keep it at bay, but once Alfred came back he excitedly said, "I got her number!", and Ivan felt himself go cold.

As the others congratulated him Ivan gave his own weak one, a pat on the back, then got into his sister's car. Eventually they all got into their cars and started to head back home, though Ivan stayed silent and blamed it on being tired. No body questioned him and he was thankful for it. He needed time to think and there was no better way of doing that than feigning sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Monika is Fem Germany. Yes this will have a touch of AmeGer for a a couple chapters, but don't worry ;3**

*****OKAY so as yall know, well most, I have been feeling really really shitty about my writing and my story Strength, but today marks the end of that! I feel so damn good and I'm excited to be posting this story! Yall might know this as my Single Dad AU from tumblr and I've been working on it nonstop since yesterday evening! I got my groove back! ;3 I will continue Strength though, so don't worry!***


	3. It's This Girl

**Chapter 3: It's This Girl**

Ever since Senior Skip Day Ivan had to come to terms with himself and his "Alfred situation". He realized that he couldn't keep feeling so miserable just because his best friend fell in love. It was stupid to feel that way when all he wanted was for Alfred to be happy. He guessed that he just felt so bothered by it because he was just used to it always being him and Alfred that nothing would ever change between them. He knew deep down that things would change, but he still hoped it wouldn't be so soon.

In the past he and Alfred had had girlfriends from time to time, but they never last long. For whatever reason that was, but Ivan had a feeling that Monika would be different, and he had to accept that. He was Alfred's friend and he was meant to be supportive of him. He would help him approach Monika, help him not make a fool of himself through text or in person, would help him with anything he needed, which he had been doing well for the past three days.

There was no reason to feel so miserable, no reason at all. As long as Alfred was happy and they still got be around each other everything would be fine. That's what Ivan came to think and accept. It eased the negative feelings in his heart easily, and he soon found himself out of his funk and back to normal.

_'No matter what happens, we will still be friends.'_

Ivan took a deep breath after saying this in his head and moved his hand up to knock on Alfred's front door. It was his turn to drag the blonde out of bed and to school. The front door opened easily to reveal Alfred and Matthew's father, Arthur Kirkland.

"It's about bloody time you showed up. Alfred said he won't leave his room until you got here," Arthur said irately.

Ivan felt his heart skip a beat at hearing this, but he quickly beat it down.

"Sorry, is something wrong?"

"I don't know, you'll have to ask him," Arthur said as Ivan passed by into the house.

Ivan gave an "Okay" as he mounted the stairs. He walked up to Alfred's door and knocked on it three times.

"Ivan?" came Alfred's voice through the blue door.

"Da, what is wrong?" Ivan asked curiously.

The moment he asked this the bedroom door opened and he was yanked inside. The door slammed shut behind him and what he saw was Alfred pacing around in his underwear.

"I got a text from Monika today," he blurted out, and Ivan effectively kept himself at ease.

"What did she say?"

Alfred blushed slightly at the question then went to his bed to get his phone and hand it over to Ivan. The Russian unlocked the device, having figured out the code years ago, to which Alfred didn't mind, and saw the text. It merely said good morning with a kiss mark and sun emoji next to it. Ivan arched a brow at looking at it then looked below if there was anything more. Unsurprisingly there was, a short message that came a few minutes after the first asking if Alfred could met up with her after school. This quickly got Ivan's attention and he looked back up at Alfred who stared back waiting for an explanation.

"So, what do you think?" Alfred asked. "Is this, ya know… It? Not IT it, but the asking out it? …Is she going to ask me out first? ….Or is it nothing at all? DAMN IT IVAN SAY SOMETHING!"

Ivan looked at Alfred practically ripping out his hair then looked back to the texts. He sighed then set down the phone and gave a serious look.

"She likes you," he said seriously and Alfred instantly froze. "She might ask you out, but it seems a bit soon. You've only been talking for three days now, so relax."

Alfred stayed silent for a moment then nodded his head at Ivan's logic.

"Yeah… Yeah, you're right. Getting ahead of myself," Alfred said with a sigh of relief. He moved over to Ivan and draped himself over his lap. "What would I do without you?"

Ivan couldn't help the smile that came to his face at hearing the praise.

"You'd die probably."

"Probably," Alfred agreed as he made a thoughtful expression.

Ivan chuckled then pushed Alfred off.

"Hurry up and get dressed. It may be a late dayk, but we're going to be pushing it if you don't hurry up."

Alfred shrugged his shoulders and Ivan through a pair of pants at Alfred's face. He stuck out his tongue at Ivan as he took the pants off then held them open to step into them.

"You know it's a crime to hide this hot bod behind clothes," Alfred said matter-of-factly.

Ivan let out a gasp of horror in response. "Fredya, you're turning into your Papa!" he cried, struggling to hold back a grin.

The instant the words left his mouth Alfred fell over with his legs caught in his pants then looked up at Ivan in dismay.

"Oh God! I'll have to start speaking French and grow out my hair! Vanya, I'm sorry you have to see me this way!"

Ivan tried to hold his horrified look, but Alfred's over dramatic acting was too good not to laugh at. Both of them ended up laughing together for a while, until Matthew interrupted them by saying they only had ten minutes left. This quickly got them to shut up and get ready—Ivan getting Alfred's backpack ready and finding his shoes in his messy room while Alfred tried to find a clean shirt and socks. Eventually they emerged from the room and ran out the front door to find Francis, the twin's papa, waiting in the car for them. All three scrambled in and Francis raced to the school to drop them off before heading to work.

The school day went by uneventful. Ivan trialing after Alfred and Alfred trailing after Ivan through the halls from class to class. Occasionally Ivan would hang back while Alfred slipped into the AP classes that Kiku had to see Monika or stop Monika in the halls to talk to her. When lunch came and went Alfred was teased by their friends and Matthew for his flustered behavior, but in all the day was normal. Ivan was finding that as long as he kept in mind that Alfred would still be close to him that he'd be fine. Alfred had been his true and only friend for years and he wasn't going to let some ugly feelings get in the way of it. The year was almost over and there was no sense it ruining anything for no logical reason. But even if it became easier to get through the days, it still took a toll on him. Especially when he found out what happened to Alfred after school at 12 a.m.

Ivan had to walk back home alone for the first time in a long while and had stayed in his room all day. He hadn't done much other than do his homework then lay in his bed with his laptop. He didn't even realize it was midnight until he got a call from Alfred. His ringtone was a song that Alfred had picked out for them after watching a show called Rob & Big. The lyrics _"Oh he's my best friend"_ cornily floated through the air until he answered his phone.

"Yes Fredya?" Ivan asked as he kept his focus on the laptop.

_"Uh, Vanya…"_ Alfred trialed off and Ivan's interest was quickly taken.

"Is something wrong? What happened?"

There was long sigh in response then a groan and a thumping sound.

_"Nothin's wrong just… I'm just so happy right now,"_ Alfred mumbled into the phone.

"Oh?"

_"Yeah… Monika… She wanted to hang out today, which is practically like a date, ya know? She was just so awesome. She beat me in arm wrestling to win the rest of my fries!"_

Ivan felt something heavy on his chest and moved to sit up so he could breathe.

"Oh? See, I knew she looked strong enough to break you in two," Ivan said with a weak laugh.

_"Psh, I guess,"_ Alfred replied. _"But… I, I wanted to ask you if I should ask her out? I mean, there's like… a week-ish of school and I really like her."_

Ivan sighed as he felt his throat go raw.

"You love her Fredya," he corrected, "And I think you should. School will be over soon and you don't know what will happen during the summer before we go to college," Ivan advised with a heavy heart.

Alfred gave a thoughtful hum then asked out of the blue, _"Will you be okay?"_

"Me?"

_"Yeah, like… You'll tell me if I'm being an ass right? If I do ask her out and stuff, because you know that one time that Gilbert got a girlfriend and he vanished for two months until they broke up."_

Ivan let out a staggered breath and covered it up to be a weak laugh.

"Yeah, I'll beat you up if I have to."

_"And that's why I love you,"_ Alfred cooed into the phone.

Ivan rolled his eyes and upon doing so Alfred said, _"If you keep rolling your eyes like that they will get stuck!"_

"I'll believe it when I see it," Ivan retorted.

This launched Alfred into a rant about how Ivan wouldn't be able to see it and Ivan easily lost himself in their usual stupid conversations. It was passing one in the morning when they finally hung up and as Ivan settled in for sleep he tried to keep his mind off their conversation, but failed. He lay awake as his head buzzed with Alfred's happy news. His gut twisting oddly and his chest tightening because of it once more.

"What's wrong with me?" he asked the darkness of this room.

He groaned and put his hands to his burning eyes and pressed down.

"Stop it." He demanded and took deep breaths to relax. "Alfred is happy. He's still your friend first. Be happy for him!" Ivan growled lowly then rolled over to smother his face into his pillow.

It was there that he remained, using the pillow to smother his frustrations. He didn't know what to do with himself, about Alfred, or about Monika. He felt frustrated and lost, which was completely new to him, and he didn't like it. He sighed into his pillow until he ran out of air and the hot feeling of anger drained from him.

_'Don't think about it. Be supportive.'_

Ivan rolled onto his side and repeated this thought until he yawned. He ended up falling asleep soon after.

As the days passed it only took another three days before Alfred came running over to Ivan's house at 9pm. Ivan was in his room the last time he had checked, having left Ivan after school to go with Monika to hang out. He banged on the door until Aleksis answered it and Alfred gave a quick hi before booking it up to Ivan's room. He busted into Ivan's room to find the Russian nowhere to be seen then ran to the bathroom and busted into that room. There he found Ivan sitting on the toilet with his phone in his hand. He looked as white a sheet and Alfred didn't even bat an eye.

"There you are!" Alfred shouted happily from the doorway.

"Shut the door! You know I hate it when you do that!" Ivan shouted back, but not moving to pull up his pants.

It wasn't the first time Alfred busted in on him to tell him something that he deemed of importance. Even so, Ivan still wished he didn't do that. He was lucky he had done a courtesy flush just before Alfred came in.

"Oh right, sorry!" Alfred said quickly then walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

"Well what is it?"

"I asked Monika out today and she said yes!" Alfred shouted and threw up his hands in victory.

"R-Really?" Ivan asked as he looked up at Alfred.

"Yes! I did what you said! I waited a while, then _subtly_ dropped in the hints, though I added a few jokes and pickup lines, and then asked her out while walking her back to her place, and she _fuckin'_ said yes!"

Ivan felt like shit when Alfred announced this, but he put on a smile and congratulated his friend.

"Nice job, Fredya!"

"I know right! She's way hotter than any of my other girlfriends," Alfred swooned and leaned against the sink. "I even got to kiss her too," he confessed and Ivan just shook his head.

"If you're going to drool, lean over the sink properly."

Alfred stuck out his tongue then moved to sit on the sink. He swung his legs back and forth while he kept his goofy grin on his face.

"I honestly can't believe she said yes dude. It's like... _surreal_ or something…"

"Well it happened, and now you'll have to try to keep her."

"So true. I'm not gonna blow it like before." Alfred said in a serious tone. "I really love her."

Ivan sighed and started to say something, but then a knock came to the bathroom door.

"Vanya, Alfred! Get out already, I gotta take a shower!" Natalia shouted.

"There are other bathrooms, Nat!" Alfred shouted back.

"My stuff is in there!"

"Alfred, you _really_ want to stay in the bathroom with me? You do realize what I was doing and that I have been holding it in since you arrived," Ivan informed.

"Dude really? You know you can go with me in here! I do it all the time!" Alfred said as he recalled the few moments when he had made Ivan get in the bathroom with him.

"I know, but I have morals."

Alfred let out a laugh but let Ivan be. He opened the door then shut it before Natalia could wiggle herself in.

"Vanya's taking a shit so you still gotta wait," he said plainly.

"Thanks Fredya!" Ivan shouted through the door sarcastically.

"You're welcome!" Alfred replied then headed off to Ivan's room.

While Alfred busied himself with playing on Ivan's laptop, Ivan was busy trying to keep himself in check. He knew it was inevitable that Alfred would be with Monika, but a part of him still hoped it wouldn't happen. He sighed as he accepted the news and finished his business. He practiced smiling in the mirror as he washed his hands and when he went to his room he was back to normal. He opened his door to see Alfred laying on his bed and looking at his laptop. He moved to sit down next to him and laid back, using Alfred's back as pillow.

"So, you gonna be Alfred Schmidt?"

"Huh?" Alfred asked then after getting a raised eyebrow in response, it clicked. "OH! Oooooh, oh god, no!"

"No?"

"Well… I don't know! Shut up!"

Ivan laughed at Alfred for his flustered response and felt like maybe this small change wouldn't be such a bother after all. It was what Alfred wanted, and he was okay with that.


	4. Them

**Chapter 4: Them**

As the monotone beeping of the school bell sounded, it marked the end of another day. Only a few days remained in the week until the year ended, and Alfred had been determined to be with his girlfriend because of it. They had been together for five days now and Alfred found himself more and more swept up by her. He loved everything about her and couldn't even see himself leaving her even when it came time for college.

He never felt so strongly for someone before and he couldn't get enough of her. That being the case, he did feel as if something had been lacking in life. He didn't realize what it was until he spotted Ivan making his way for the main doors of the school.

"Ivan! Vanya, what up!" he shouted down the hall, and smiled brightly at seeing the Russian stop.

Ivan turned around to look at Alfred coming his way and looked at him curiously as he stopped in front of him.

"What is it Alfred?"

"Dude, you was gonna leave without me!" Alfred exclaimed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I know, I thought you'd—"

"Alfred!"

Ivan and Alfred both looked up towards that person that had cut into their conversation. What they saw was Monika coming towards them.

"Oh, hey Monika," Alfred greeted. "What's up?"

Monika smiled at him then looked at Ivan briefly to give him a smile too.

"I just, wanted to know if you wanted to walk with me again."

"Oh… Uh, sorry, but I was gonna walk with Ivan today," Alfred said and Ivan nudge him in the arm.

"Fredya, vse v poryadke," Ivan said.

Alfred felt a bit dejected at hearing this.

"Vanya, I'm walking with you okay," Alfred said back.

Ivan stared at Alfred blankly for a moment and Alfred gave a look of determination before turning to face Monika. The German had a faint pink to her face and Alfred found it adorable. He stepped forward and took one of her hands in his own.

"Sorry, but I'm going with him this time. I'll call you later though, okay?"

"Ja," was all she could say and Alfred leaned up to kiss her chastely.

When they pulled apart Monika had a darker blush on her face, and Alfred gave her a wink before turning back around latching onto Ivan's arm.

"Come on big guy, time's a wastin'," he said happily then turned around to wave to his girlfriend. "See ya Monika!"

Monika waved back shyly and Alfred turned back around. The two walked a ways in silence before Alfred finally said, "Ya know… You're supposed to beat me up when I start to vanish into a relationship."

Ivan gave a sigh to this and Alfred looked at him expectantly.

"I know, but you are so happy with her that I'd feel bad if I tried to drag you away," Ivan said. A part of him actually agreed with what he said, he had been accepting the two and had gotten better at controlling his emotions.

"Vanya, even so, you're my bro and I want to spend time with you as much as I do with Monika," Alfred admitted "I know it sounds stupid, but it's true."

Alfred said as he felt his heart racing. He didn't know why that was, but ignored it in favor of waiting for Ivan's answer.

"It's not stupid, but okay."

Alfred smiled brightly at hearing that and Ivan returned the gesture with a smile of his own. They easily fell into a comfortable silence after this, walking towards their homes feeling content. Ivan's house soon appeared and as Ivan headed up the path to his porch he asked Alfred if he wanted to come up.

"Oh, nah, not this time. I gotta call Monika ya know," Alfred said with a wink.

Ivan rolled his eyes as he put his key into the door.

"Wow, so dirty. Do you kiss through the phone too?"

"Hey, phone sex is pretty awesome," Alfred said in a believable tone, but Ivan knew better than to take the other seriously.

"Well, wear a condom or else you might get her pregnant," Ivan joked.

Alfred cracked a laugh at that then headed off towards his house. He shouted a goodbye between laughs and Ivan just shook his head as he finally got into his home. Once Alfred calmed down from laughing he pulled out his phone and dialed Monika's number. She picked up her end right as Alfred got to his front door open and greeted him with a sweet hello. He knew he had it bad for her, but even he surprised himself at times.

"Hey Monika, how are ya?"

_"I'm fine, Alice walked with me since she missed her bus."_

"Oh really?" Alfred asked as he walked up the stairs to his room, ignoring his family on the way up.

_"Ja, her twin Chiara, you met her the other day, she didn't remind her about the time because she was with Antonio."_

Alfred let out a laugh to that as he shut his bedroom door and slipped off his backpack.

"Well at least you didn't walk alone," Alfred said then added, "sorry about that, by the way. I just… hadn't spent a lot of time with Ivan outside of school lately."

 _"It's alright, it happens when you get a girlfriend,"_ she said with a soft laugh.

"Psh, yeah, I guess."

 _"Besides you two seem really close. I didn't know you even understood any languages besides German, and the nicknames are cute,"_ Monika commented.

Alfred gave a snort to this and laid out on his bed.

"Yeah, I only know the German because of Gilbert, but barely. I can understand and speak Russian because of Ivan and his family though. We've known each other since 9th grade and since then I've been able to hold a decent conversation and cuss him out pretty well in his own language!" Alfred said and laughed afterwards as he recalled a time when he had cussed Ivan out. It had been over a petty issue, a video game if he remembered right, but now it was just a hilarious memory. "And the nickname thing just happened one day. I forget how though," Alfred said while calming his laughter.

Monika laughed with him on the other end of the phone.

_"See, very close."_

"Yeah, I wouldn't trade him for the world. We had a debate a few days back about what our kids would look like with our friends and my brother. I said they'd be model worthy," Alfred said happily.

 _"With Ivan's eyes and your hair, that's a pretty cute kid,"_ Monika said.

"I know right!"

A short pause came through the line before Monika spoke again.

_"Alfred, what would you say to me, you, and Ivan hanging out sometime? That way we all can become friends and then you won't miss out on being with him."_

Alfred gave a hum to this idea as he slowly pieced it together, then realized it was a pretty good idea.

"Yeah, yeah! We can do that! I get to be with you and hang out with him, two birds and one rock or whatever! You're so awesome," Alfred sighed into the phone.

Monika just laughed lightly and Alfred could already tell she was blushing on the other line. Alfred made a comment about it and even though Monika denied it he knew it was the truth. The two ended up talking to each other for hours until Monika had to finally go for dinner. Alfred had forgone dinner just so he could keep talking to her.

Once the call ended Alfred laid in his room in silence for a second before he recalled what he needed to do. He texted Ivan about hanging out with him and Monika and waited for a reply. It seemed like an hour had crawled by when Ivan finally replied.

'I don't think that'd be a good idea.'

Alfred furrowed his brow and made quick work of replying.

'Why not? Monika thought it be good to get to know you since you're like, my third arm and stuff. Plus I get to hang out with both of you and you get a new friend, so, win-win.'

Alfred waited ten minutes before Ivan replied.

'…What would we even do?'

Alfred did a fist-pump of victory at seeing Ivan's response and happily replied with: 'I don't know! :D But I'll tell ya when I talk to Monika! It's gonna be awesome though, promise!'

'It better be Fredya xp'

Alfred smiled at seeing this and could barely contain his happiness.

** :/:/:/: **

It was Wednesday morning when Alfred got up and told Monika the news. The two wasted no time in making a plan to do something with Ivan while getting ready for school. Alfred wanted to do something big, like go to beach, but Monika thought something simple would do fine. It took a while, but they managed to come to a compromise and once Alfred got to Ivan's house and into his room he told him of their plans.

"We're going to my house after school to play Cards Against Humanity!"

Ivan was in the middle of getting dressed as he heard this.

"Really?" he asked a bit surprised at how tame the idea was.

"Yeah! I wanted to go the beach but Monika thought something simple would be best. She's never played the game so it'll be even more fun!"

Ivan buttoned up his shirt while giving a hum to Alfred in response.

"Alright."

Alfred smiled brightly and lunged forward to hug Ivan. The Russian patted Alfred's back then pried him off so he could put on his shoes. Alfred only pouted for a second at being pushed off before talking about Monika's friend Alice.

"Ya know, Alice is really sweet, though kind of…out there. Like, spacey. But she is fun to be around, though her Italian comes through a lot when she gets excited."

"Well she seems… interesting," Ivan commented unsure of why this was a topic.

"You think so? Because… you know… you don't have a girlfriend right now, and Alice is—"

"No, Alfred!" Ivan found himself saying harsher than he intended.

"What? Why not? I just—"

"Alfred, I…" Ivan trailed off as he tried to justify his answer. He honestly didn't know why he said no. He felt annoyed when Alfred suggested he date her, but he didn't think he'd be this upset. "Look, I'm not… ready for a relationship. We'll be out of school by the end of this week and I rather not get into any relationship until college," Ivan said, though it was a lie.

Alfred gave a hum to this then shrugged his shoulder as he saw reason in what Ivan was saying.

"Yeah, yeah I get that. Okay, sorry."

Ivan smiled at Alfred then picked up his backpack.

"Come on, we can't be late—unless you wanna fail your final, that is," Ivan said with a questioning look.

Alfred let out a scoff and pushed passed Ivan.

"Like I'd ever want to fail. Where is your faith in me?"

Ivan smirked as he said, "Out the window."

** :/:/:/:/: **

The school day was filled with nothing but finals, prep-quizzes, and free periods. The day only seemed to go faster than Ivan would have liked while Alfred couldn't wait for the day to be over. Alfred was eager to get his best friend and girlfriend together and the clock seemed to be fighting him until the last period was finally over.

"Finally!" he said out of relief and ran out of his classroom.

He pushed his way through crowds to get to building housing AP Classes. He easily spotted Monika's tall frame in the crowd and the bouncy Italian beside her. Alfred shouted for both of them, hoping to get one of their attention and thankfully Alice heard him over the noisy halls.

"Mona, Alfred's here," Alice said then pointed towards the teen.

Monika looked around until she spotted Alfred's waving hand.

"I got to go Alice, but I'll talk to you later," Monika said as she started to walk to meet Alfred halfway.

Alice said goodbye as Monika reached Alfred and hugged him. When they pulled apart Alfred eagerly took the lead in taking Monika to where they'd be meeting Ivan. He held her hand tightly as they rushed through the school.

Ivan stood in the hall by a set of side doors waiting for Alfred and Monika. He had debated on whether or not he should leave and tell them something came up, but he was indecisive. He tried to make hanging out with Alfred and Monika seem fun in his head, but it wasn't easy. The ugly twisted feeling that had appeared on the day Alfred met Monika had already settled in. No matter how much he told himself he was fine with the Alfred being with someone, how much he accepted it, that feeling still persisted.

"Ivan!" Ivan snapped out his internal turmoil to see Alfred and Monika stopping in front him, the two holding hands. "You ready to go, big guy?" Alfred asked.

"Da, I told my father that I'd be with you unless he needs me."

Alfred furrowed his brow and Ivan wondered why he just spit out a lie as if it was the truth.

"Is something wrong?"

"Ah, he just needs to do something for work and Katyusha has been out all day so no one's around to watch Natalia."

Alfred gave a drawn out "Oh" and nodded his head. Even though it was lie to Ivan, this situation had happened a few times so Alfred didn't question it.

"Alright, well let's get going before you're pulled away to babysit," Alfred said looking at Ivan then Monika.

Ivan smiled softly as he went to walk alongside Alfred until he realized that Monika was in his place. To save himself from that awkward realization he made a move to open the door and let the couple walk out first. He felt the twist in his gut tighten, but ignored it as he trailed after them. The walk to Alfred's house was usually a peaceful thing for him, but as of now it wasn't. He had to keep trailing behind Alfred and Monika, the two talking and laughing in front of him. Only occasionally did Alfred address Ivan.

"You are so small, bärchen," Monika said with a smile.

"Don't make fun of my height! I get enough of that from Ivan!" Alfred huffed out.

"Da, and you are still a little man," Ivan said taking a chance to be in the conversation.

"You're just too big!" Alfred retorted, jabbing a finger at Ivan.

"And you are too small. Monika could probably pick you up," Ivan teased.

The moment he said this Alfred looked up at Monika who had a grin on her face.

"Don't you dare!" Alfred said and took his hand from Monika's before she could trap him.

"Aw, come on Alfred," Monika said in mock hurt and Alfred took a step back before completely running away. Monika laughed and went after him, which didn't take long for her to do. Ivan just watched from a distance and didn't even bother to think why he said what he did. The teen already felt exhausted, but as much as he'd like to not watch Monika wrestle Alfred into her arms to pick him up and then get stopped by a surprise kiss, he knew he had to go through with it. Alfred wanted them to hang out, so he'd try his best.

Eventually the three of them made it to Alfred's house and once on the porch Alfred paused.

"Alfred opened the door already," Ivan said tiredly.

Alfred turned around to face Monika and Ivan.

"Okay, but… Monika… I haven't had a chance to tell you about my parents. They're not exactly… average," Alfred said and while Monika looked confused Ivan was trying hard not to find this amusing. "You see I ha—"

Alfred was cut off right then by the front door opening and Arthur standing before him.

"Alfred are you going to come in or not?"

"I am I was just—"

"You idiot! You ruined our introduction! I told you to wait," came Francis' voice of despair behind the door.

Arthur sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Francis, so help me I will serve you for dinner! Frog legs sound great right now!" Arthur hissed and Francis gave huff and moved out from behind the door.

Alfred stood beside the door blushing in embarrassment at his parents behavior.

"Well lad, are you going to introduce us or not?" Arthur asked.

With a tired sigh Alfred said: "Monika, this is my dad, Arthur and my papa, Francis."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Alfred has told us a lot about you," Francis cooed as he stepped forward.

"It's more like runs his mouth off a mile a minute," Arthur said.

Monika looked at the two blankly then over to Alfred who still looked embarrassed then back.

"O-Oh, hal—hello, nice to finally meet you two," Monika said, recovering quickly from the surprise.

Alfred felt happy at seeing Monika shake hands with his parents, a smile stretching across his face. Ivan felt a part of him hurt from noticing that smile.

"So, the pizza is on its way. Matthew ordered the usual," Arthur informed as the teens made their way into the house.

"Awesome! We're gonna be upstairs so, see ya," Alfred said quickly and took Monika's hand as he rushed up stairs.

Ivan followed suit and Arthur and Francis watched the three of them until they were out of sight. When the three got into Alfred's room Ivan stood by the doorway for a moment, just watching Monika look around Alfred's room as he eagerly pointed out the highlights of his room.

"Why you lurking in the doorway dude, get in here," Alfred said after noticing a lack of tall Russian in his bedroom.

Ivan gave a crooked grin and moved to sit on the bed like he usually did. Monika sat next to him, though not to close, which Ivan appreciated, and Alfred rummaged through his room to find the cards. Monika watched as Alfred hunted for the cards, swearing he had them out before going to school. She found it cute how he was acting, but Ivan just wished Alfred would hurry up. The teen couldn't focus much on Alfred with Monika beside him, everything about her screamed for him to leave. He knew he was going to be a third wheel, but he couldn't back out just yet.

 _'Maybe it won't be so bad,'_ he thought, hoping to quell the anxiety in his stomach.

"Found it!" Alfred shouted and turned from his desk to show off the box.

"Congratulations bärchen," Monika said teasingly and Alfred just blushed slightly in response.

"I don't need to be mocked by you," he said as he sat down on the bed with a huff.

Monika laughed and hit Alfred in the arm lightly, to which Alfred shouted, "Abuse!"

"I am not!" Monika defended.

"Ivan's a witness!" Alfred shot back and looked to his friend with mock hurt.

Ivan smirked at being put in the middle of the conversation and went to say he saw nothing, but was interrupted by another voice.

"No abuse in my house!" came the obvious voice of Arthur. "Abusers won't get pizza."

Alfred gasped and eagerly held out his hands as the box of pizza, which his father gave up easily. Arthur shook his head at his son and gave them the cans of soda he brought with him too. Once they were set and Arthur left, Alfred had Ivan set up the game. They spent a good few minutes explaining the game to Monika before actually playing and the more rounds they went the more Ivan felt a need to leave.

"Oh my god _blue balls_!"

Alfred cracked up instantly alongside his girlfriend when she said this. Both of them laughing at a joke Ivan didn't get for the millionth time. The pair laughed as they tried to give details on why it was so funny, but it was lost in translation and laughter. Ivan felt his itch to leave burn more persistently, but he tried to fight it off. They continued their game for a while longer, Ivan bringing up old jokes that had Alfred tearing up in laughter, green peppers were thrown, and PDA was obviously present.

"Stop it Alfred," Monika giggled as Alfred tried to kiss her. "You're being a bad host."

Ivan secretly hoped Alfred would listen, but Alfred just gave a snort before saying, "Please, Ivan's been through worse! Ivan's been in the bathroom with me while I took a dumb and vice a versa, so it's fine."

"Wow, that is disgusting," Monika commented then cracked a smile as she started to laugh. "Ivan you poor soul."

Alfred just beamed a smile and Ivan just gave shake of his head. He knew Alfred had no shame at most times, but god Ivan wished he would right now. Ivan looked down at his phone as Alfred started to coax Monika into kissing him again. Unfortunately for Ivan he didn't realize she gave in right when he looked up and that dark feeling of his stabbed right through him.

"I need to go."

Ivan didn't realize what he had said until Alfred pulled away from Monika's lips and looked at him in confusion.

"Why?"

Ivan clenched his jaw as he tried to think of something.

"I, have to go home. My father needs me."

"What? Really?" Alfred asked again giving Ivan all his attention, which felt pretty good, but Ivan wasn't going to allow himself to stay.

"Yeah, he said it's about some chore I need to do, so I gotta go."

"Damn… Okay," Alfred said with a sullen expression that made a pang of anger go through Ivan. "I'll walk ya out then."

Ivan nodded then got to his feet and Alfred followed after. Ivan bid Alfred's goodbye as they walked down the stairs and out of the house. Once on the sidewalk Alfred reached out to grab Ivan's hand to stop him from leaving his yard.

"Is everything okay?"

Ivan turned around confused for a moment and could see the obvious suspicion in Alfred's eyes. Alfred knew something was off and Ivan had half a mind to tell him.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it?" Ivan lied and took his hand back, through reluctantly.

Alfred didn't say nothing for a while, but then gave a hum and nodded his head.

"Okay, see ya tomorrow then?"

"Yeah."

With that Ivan left, fleeing to his home, and Alfred went back inside and up the stairs. He knew something was off, and Ivan wasn't going to tell him willingly.

 _'I'll figure it out or beat it out of him soon,'_ Alfred thought as he got back into his room. There he found his girlfriend reading a letter with the NU crest.

"Snooping through my stuff already, huh?" Alfred said with a grin on his face, his worries leaving him upon seeing the cute surprised look on Monika's face at getting caught.

"No, I just… happened to find this while looking around," she admitted. "It was just laying open, but um… NU is a good school, I'm surprised you got in."

"Har har," Alfred said as he sat back down beside Monika. "And I got in with Ivan's help. He made sure I met their qualifications because we both wanted to go to this college together."

"You two should get married," Monika said with a soft smile on her face as she gave Alfred the letter.

Alfred chuckled at the comment and took the letter back.

"What about your college plans?"

"I'm going to BU in California once school's out. They have a summer program that I want to do that goes with my major they offer, and I got accepted for it," she said still smiling.

"BU…" Alfred repeated, though all he really got from this was- _'Monika is leaving the state?'_

"Yeah, I know it's far, but we'll be okay."

Alfred looked down at his letter feeling a conflict that he didn't want, start to form.

"Yeah… just gotta stick to you like glue until you leave," he said optimistically and Monika smiled and leaned forward to kiss him.

* * *

**Translations:**

Fredya, vse v poryadke - it's okay

ja/da - yes

bärchen – little bear

*****Mmmmm the next chapters are gonna be a trip :) Also, if I keep up my current speed and motivation I should be done with this very soon. I plan to post my chapters every 3 days. I already up to chp 11 so we'll see how long this gravy train will go u.u**


	5. Without You

**Chapter 5: Without You**

The second to the last day of school was the last day for seniors. All that was left was for them to do was to rehearse their graduation and then head home until graduation day came. Everyone was already called down to the gym for practice luckily Ivan and Alfred were in the same class when it was time. Neither of them had talked much since Ivan had left Alfred's house abruptly two days ago. Alfred had stayed true to his promise and stuck to Monika whenever he could. Ivan tried to do the same to Alfred, but he could hardly bare being in the same space as Monika.

He didn't understand it at all. He had been over it a thousand times in his head and he couldn't figure out why Monika got under his skin. He guessed it was because of how much time Alfred spent with her now, but that didn't feel accurate. He guessed it was because of how Alfred seemed to show up less at his house to walk to school or walk home. He guessed it was because of how little Alfred touched him—the piggy back rides, hugs, even the punches that where constantly tossed around—but that seemed even odder to get upset about. The dark feeling in the pit of Ivan's chest was driving him up a wall, and he had no idea what to do about it except ignore it.

"So, I was thinking you, me, Monika, and the squad head over to Bear Dive for some celebratory eating," Alfred said with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Ivan had half a mind to say no.

"Sure," he said, smirking. "What better way to commemorate our last day by watching you mooch off everyone and dunk your fries in my milkshake?"

Alfred just gave a weak laugh as he looked at Ivan say this. Alfred still felt like something was off about his best friend, but still hadn't found the time to ask about it. He knew he had been with Monika a lot, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to talk to Ivan about these things, about themselves, about him and Monika, about college. Ever since that night he had been conflicted about attending NU. He wanted to spend his college life rooming with Ivan, but Monika… He couldn't do long distance, he _wouldn't_ do long distance. He knew BU was a bit more expensive, but damn it he wanted to be there with her. Alfred even thought about working two jobs, maybe even three, just to pull it off. Of course he'd still see Ivan during breaks and the rare weekends when he's free… but the idea of leaving Ivan hurt him just as badly as leaving Monika.

"Alright, Class of 2014. You've finally made it and you only have to listen to my instructions for a few more minutes for the last time of your natural lives, so pay attention," came the booming voice of their principal as she looked at her 12th graders.

Alfred was jolted by her voice and focused up to see her start to talk about the schedule for the big day. He instantly tuned her out after a few minutes, trialing his attention over to Ivan who seemed to hang on her every word. Ivan didn't notice the stare but he did notice how Alfred seemed to lean into him. He looked down to see Alfred facing forward then down at their hands resting on their respective thighs. An itch to touch that hand came over Ivan, but before he could let himself do such a thing everyone was told to stand up. Ivan snapped to focus and stood up with Alfred and walked out the gym.

They stood out in the hall and Mrs. Wu stood there with a paper in her hands.

"Alright, when I call your name line up single file."

The students were placed in alphabetical order by last name and then handed fake led candle sticks. Ivan looked slightly behind himself to see Alfred looking to the side of a kid in front of him to see what was going on then up to Ivan. He gave a playful smile that had Ivan smiling back then faced forward as their row was instructed to follow Ms. Wu. The principle recited the procedure of this step as they walked in and took their seats. Ivan, for the first time in a long while, hated that his last name started with a B. He was in the front row, while Alfred was much farther back.

"Now when your name is called come up to the front and shake my hand, then the school board administer Mr. Rye, and then counselor Rev. Mill, for those on the right, and counselor Mrs. Fawkes, for those on the left. They will give you your diploma sleeve on the day of. Now, Gaby Amin…"

Those who knew the girl as she walked up hollered and congratulated, which made their principal roll her eyes, but continued. It didn't take long to get to Ivan, only two people preceded him after Gilbert went up, and once he stood up he could hear his friends, and most importantly Alfred practically screaming at him. It made him crack a smile as lumbered through the motions before going back to his seat. By the time they got to Alfred (he going first before Matthew since his name starts with an A) it seemed that Alfred got a bigger applause than Ivan did. The extra boost from Monika and her friends added to Ivan and Gilbert's already loud applause. Alfred gave finger guns as he got up there then shook hands before going to sit down.

When the S's finally got up there Monika was greeted with the screech of Alfred's declaration of love, which had her blushing like mad and Ivan getting mad.

When everything was finally over they were giving one last speech of dress code and conduct before being let loose to clean out lockers and go home.

Ivan got up with everyone else and turned to see if he could spot Alfred. Of course a kid of his height could and he spotted Alfred wrapping himself around Monika as he talked to their friends. Ivan felt the dark feeling in the pit of his chest increase and the pressure crushing. Everyone seemed perfectly fine without him, and with that he turned and went to leave. Unknown to him Alfred had noticed his stare and looked up in time to see Ivan walk away. He furrowed his brow and quickly dismissed himself to rush after Ivan.

He pushed through the students crowding his way and quickly spotted Ivan at the top of the slope leading to the main hall. Something wasn't right and he knew positively that it wasn't. He was going to find out no matter what.

"Ivan!"

Ivan stopped out of natural habit and turned to see Alfred rushing for him. He wanted to leave the instant he laid eyes on him, but he stayed and Alfred put a hand on him once he caught up.

"Damn you're fast."

"What is it?" Ivan asked trying to not sound irritated.

"I need to talk to you," Alfred said, picking up the subtle annoyed look on Ivan's face. He spent too much time with Ivan to not notice things like this. "We'll go in here," Alfred said as he noticed a bathroom beside Ivan.

Ivan wanted to pull out of Alfred's grasp that was already pulling him into the bathroom. He had a feeling this talk would end badly. The bathroom was empty except for themselves and Alfred launched into their conversation.

"What's wrong dude?" Ivan didn't say anything and Alfred pressed on. "You've been acting weird for days now, what gives? You know you can tell me!" Alfred squeezed Ivan's wrist, still holding it after bringing Ivan into the bathroom. He stared at Ivan expectantly and Ivan felt the dark feeling twist.

"You wouldn't understand even if I told you," Ivan finally said. "I don't even understand it."

"Just tell me, please…" Alfred said then swallowed thickly as he went out on a limb. "Is it… because I've been with Monika?"

Ivan clenched his jaw at the name and Alfred pressed on.

"It is, isn't it? What did—"

"Just stop it Alfred."

"Ivan, come on tell me! We're best buds—"

"Are we?" Ivan asked coldly and Alfred's grip on Ivan's wrist was gone.

"Of course we are," Alfred said getting a bit annoyed himself at the assumption.

"It sure as hell doesn't feel like it anymore." Ivan spat as he glared at Alfred.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Alfred questioned as he glared back.

Ivan felt his throat burning with the words he's been keeping inside. The dark feeling twisted more and he grit his teeth.

"Ever since you met Monika, it's all been about her." Ivan stated and Alfred frowned. "All I fucking hear from you is about her and I'm sick of it! You changed because of her and I hate it. You're never around like you used to!" Ivan said in a harsh voice, his accent coming through.

"What the fuck?! You know I tried to balance you two! You're both important to me!" Alfred shouted back.

"I don't care what you feel for her! I hate hearing about your love, I hate seeing you on her! I hate every damn moment you're not with me!" Ivan shouted back.

Alfred felt his anger get to him first and he lunged at Ivan. He shoved him against the tile wall of the bathroom and held Ivan by his shirt collar.

"It's not like I fuckin' replaced you with her! I love her but I love you too!" Alfred said, "Damn it! I don't know how to fuckin' put it, but I'm just… I can't fuckin'… You're such an ass!"

Ivan felt his pain fade for one moment, but then come back tenfold and he shoved Alfred off of him. The blonde fell to the floor and Ivan just glared at him.

"I can't do this."

"Well whatever the fuck is biting you in the ass needs to chill the fuck out." Alfred growled out as he got off the floor.

Ivan just scoffed and turned to leave while saying, "I wish I knew what that was."

"Ivan!"

Ivan ignored him and left. Alfred felt sadness and fear grip his heart and throat. He called out again, his voice wavering and cracking.

"Vanya!"

** :/:/:/:/: **

The short week off from school before graduation took place was a whirlwind of changes for Alfred. The big change first being, Ivan was gone. No matter what he did to talk to him it never panned out and he had given up.

_'If Ivan wants to be an asshole then fuckin' fine by me. I don't need him anyway.'_

This was his final thought on the matter and he couldn't care less. The next change was his college. With Ivan out of the picture his conflict was resolved and with any luck he'd get accepted to BU or some college near BU to be with Monika. The next change was finally coming clean to his friends about what happened. They tried to help, but Alfred refused and to his knowledge Ivan did too. The final change was when graduation came. The day he'd walk out of high school ready for college. The day he realized that there was no turning back, no more high school, no more detentions, no more Ivan…

"Ivan Braginsky."

When Ivan's name was called Alfred looked up as their friends and families cheered, but he stayed silent. He watched Ivan walk up in his ocean blue cap and gown, his black and orange tassel bobbing as he walked. He looked older for some reason as he shook hands with everyone then took his diploma sleeve. Alfred itched to shout something to Ivan before he sat down, but… He stayed silent. The wound from their fight too fresh and his ego unyielding.

By the time Alfred got to go up, he received a loud cheer from his girlfriend and friends and families. He glanced at Ivan as he walked by and found him to be looking down at his diploma sleeve, not giving a single glance. Alfred felt his chest ache from the sight, but he kept himself together as he walked back to his seat. The only thing he could think of was, _'So, that's it?'_ and during the rest of the ceremony all he could was _, 'This is it?'_ As he cheered for the ones he cared about all he could think was _, 'This is it.'_

The moment the ceremony ended Alfred went out into the hall with his classmates to get their diplomas and the instant it was in his hands it felt like an icy hand was on his shoulder.

He had graduated and in the short few days before he had gained a girlfriend he loved dearly and lost the only man he could say he loved as well. His best friend was gone, their future plans gone, no one would understand him like Ivan did, no one would be there like Ivan had. Everything was fuc—

"Hey, are you okay?" Monika asked as she saw Alfred holding his diploma tightly.

"Yeah," he croaked, "I'm okay. Just… gonna miss this…"

Monika smiled at Alfred and moved to wrap him up in a hug.

"It will be okay. You and I will be in college and together in California. We did it."

"We did it," Alfred repeated as he hugged Monika back then looked over her shoulder to see Ivan nowhere in sight.

It was a funny thing losing someone who had been at his side for years. It hurt a lot and Alfred just wanted to give up, but he couldn't because the world moves on, or at least he hoped it did. He still expected Ivan to appear at any given time, even if he was still pissed at him for what he said. He even rehearsed for the moment that Ivan would show up. He'd beat him up, cuss him out, and then hug him to death.

But it never happened.

Alfred left for college once the summer was up, having gotten accepted to BU just under the wire. He had worked through his summer to save up money before heading out and now he was sitting the car waiting to go. He looked out the window towards Ivan's house one last time and felt his heart throb as he saw Ivan come out of it. He held a duffel bag and dragged a roller suitcase behind him to his dad's SUV.

Ivan was heading off to college himself that day, going for NU as planned and a part of him still clung to the hope that Alfred would be there. He knew he wasn't rooming with Alfred anymore, but with a guy named Toris. Ivan expected that, knowing Alfred wouldn't forgive him like that since he didn't even talk to him all summer. Ivan had worked his ass off to keep his mind off that fact and save money for college.

"Ready to go?"

Ivan looked up to his father and nodded and Aleksis just smiled and put the rest of Ivan's things into the car. Once the trunk was closed and both men up front, Ivan looked back at Alfred's house one last time. As they drove off he could have sworn Alfred was looking right back at him, but shook it off and faced forward. He could only hope that college would be just as fun without Alfred. That Toris would be able to fill that void, even if a little. The guy was nice enough, organized too, from the messages they exchanged…

_'Four years without him….'_ Ivan thought tiredly.

* * *

***Thank you all for the reviews so far! See yall Thursday where 6 & 7 will be posted!**


	6. Invitation

  **Chapter 6: Invitation**

 

Alfred laid out on his bed staring at the ceiling, watching the fan spin around. It was early May and he had finished college. Just graduated, fresh off the stage and still in his robes. Four years had really flown by. Roomed with some kid from Indiana, whose name always escaped him and ended up calling him Indy for three years until he rented a house for him and Monika, broke up with Monika once over a misunderstanding but quickly patched things up, drank, partied, escaped the cops twice, tried weed once and hated it, and struggled like hell to pass his classes. Now he was a graduate of BU and engaged.

This fact made Alfred laugh, the engagement had only been a motivator to make it through college. He and Monika had been struggling a bit and one night Alfred proposed to his girlfriend of 4 years during their finals week.

_"Will you marry me once we graduate?"_

That's what he had said, and now it was legit. Monika had promised to celebrate their engagement after she finished talking to her family and all he could do was sit in their house dumbfounded. He had made it. He was now a grown ass man at the age of 22 going on 23 in July, had two jobs, a house (rented, but still it counts), a degree in programming, a new job lined up thanks to that degree, and now a soon to be wife and possibly… kids? Who knew? But the fact was, Alfred had done it and Ivan wasn't there to witness it. Alfred felt his chest ache, just a soft pang, which was much improvement from what it used to be.

He didn't know much about Ivan anymore now. All he knew was that he did go to NU and he too graduated with his degree in engineering this May. Alfred wondered if Ivan found an architect job like he found one for programming. Alfred sighed then held up his hand to look at the silver ring on his finger. He wondered if Ivan knew about it, his engagement through their friends, probably not. If Ivan still felt the same as he did in high school… he wouldn't want to know. Alfred sighed again and put his hand back down on his chest. He then went about clearing his head of all thought as he toed off his shoes, although the moment he got them off he heard a door slam and running feet. He arched a brow as the running kept coming and just when he thought to sit up the person, who turned out to be Monika, burst into the room. She smiled brightly at Alfred then lunged for him. Alfred lost all breath in his lungs as she landed on him.

"M-Mona, what gives?" he asked hoarsely.

"WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!"

Alfred looked at her confused and gave a slow "yes" which had her beaming.

"We have to get married this year! We have so much to do! Wedding planning, Al! We need a venue, guests, color schemes, dresses, tuxes—"

"Babe, calm down. I get it, you're excited, but could get off to let a man breath?" Alfred asked and Monika just smiled and got off.

"We did it!" She shouted to the room then looked back at Alfred. Both of them were still in their cap and gowns and in that moment it just felt so surreal.

"Yeah, we did it."

**:/:/:/:/:**

"So, Mitchell and I are thinking of a violet, baby blue, and white wedding. We're going for classic chic and the dress I found the other day would go perfectly!"

"Ya know…. I thought we settled on a black and white wedding," Alfred inquired as he looked at his fiancé from his office desk.

"I know, I know, but the color pallet he showed me was so gentle and beautiful I had to pick it! You should have seen the samples bärchen! If only you hadn't had to work today," Monika huffed and Alfred just sighed and looked up from his laptop.

"I'm sorry babe, but I'll be at the next meeting okay?"

"You'd better," Monika said as she pulled Alfred's computer chair back then sat down in his lap. "Our next meeting is about invitations, so we need to finish the guest list. And you still have to pick a best man! I already have Alice as my maid of honor, though she practically forced it out of my hands."

"I know, I know…. But okay, let's finish the guest list first," Alfred said as he held Monika on his lap. He pulled up their word doc for their wedding plans and found their guest list. They had at least 50 on the list. Monika's family making up most of the list, though Alfred was only a few relatives short to beat her. The rest was all of their friends, well not all of them…

"So, you think… perhaps…" Monika trailed off as she leaned over and typed a few names.

Alfred eyed each one added and when the third one came up he froze.

"Ivan?"

Monika stopped typing and sat back against Alfred.

"Yes. I think you should invite him. He's been your best friend for years and then all of a sudden he's gone. Whatever you two had fought about should be nothing by now. I know you cared about him a lot bärchen," Monika said as she looked back at Alfred who only stared at the name with a slight frown. "He can also be your best man. What a better way to patch things up than to have him plan a wild bachelor party for you and your friends?"

"Gilbert's already planning the bachelor party. He said that's all he wanted to do," Alfred said then pressed his fingers into his eyes. "Mona… I don't know about this…. After four years of no contact and then springing a wedding on him… that might not be a good idea."

"Perhaps, but it never hurts to try. And if he cusses you out then so be it. I know you still miss him, so just try."

Alfred groaned like he was being forced to sit through a horrible movie and Monika jabbed him with her elbow.

"Call him and invite him. He's an adult, just like you… well… maybe not like you, but I'm sure things will work out."

"What you trying to say?" Alfred questioned and Monika just smirked and said, "Du bist so ein Kind, meine Liebe." Before getting up.

"I picked up 'my love' so don't be all smug!" Alfred shouted as Monika laughed and left the room.

Alfred then focused back on his computer as he stared at Ivan's name on the guest list. It would be nice to see him, but on the other hand… it could be a terrible mistake. Alfred reached beside his laptop to find his phone and unlocked it. He went through his contacts to find Ivan's number, a number he had tried to delete so many times over the years but never could.

"It's probably disconnected…" Alfred reasoned to himself before dialing.

He listened to the dial tones then the ringing. He hoped to be cut off right then, but nope, it rang again. He could only hope that the number belonged to someone else now, but not really. A part of him wanted Ivan to pick up.

_"Hello?"_

A deep voice laced with an accent came through the line and Alfred wondered if the number did belong to someone else.

_"Alfred?"_

Alfred felt his breath hitch at hearing his name.

"I-Ivan?"

_"…Da."_

"Ivan Braginsky?"

_"Yes… and you are Alfred Jones?"_

"Yes."

Alfred felt like his heart was about to explode in his chest. Ivan's voice had gotten deep and his accent was still ever present.

"I, I didn't think this would work," Alfred admitted.

 _"…To be honest… me neither,"_ Ivan said as the sound of something creaking came through the phone. _"I had opportunities to change my number, but… I never did. I sort of… hoped you'd call someday…"_

"You kept my number?"

_"…Yes…"_

Alfred swallowed thickly and felt his hands becoming sweaty as he held the phone.

"I saved yours too. I just… God I don't know…."

 _"Neither do I,"_ Ivan admitted and Alfred gave a weak laugh. _"Why don't you start with why you're calling?"_

"O-Oh, right, um… I'm… I don't know if you've heard but… I'm getting married… This August to be exact."

A long pause followed this and Alfred feared Ivan hung up.

 _"Oh… congratulations,"_ Ivan said slowly _. "To Monika?"_

"Yeah… I proposed during finals week and after graduation it was official… I was just… I know our friendship was destroyed but I—"

_"I'm sorry."_

"Ivan?"

A sigh came through the phone and the meow of a cat as well. Ivan muttered something in Russian that Alfred couldn't pick out, then came back to him.

_"Like I was saying, I'm sorry. The things I said back then…I didn't realize why I felt so bad about you dating Monika, but now I do. I was blind to what I was trying to say, to understand, and I hurt you and our friends. I'm sorry."_

"Ivan… shit… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dissed you like that back then. I should have been a better friend. I fucked up and I know that now."

 _"We both fucked up, but it's okay."_ Ivan said and Alfred felt like his heart was breaking all over again. Silence was the only thing between them, though Ivan did talk to his cat (which Alfred figured out what Ivan was saying in Russian). _"So, are you calling to invite me to the wedding?"_

Alfred took a deep breath and nodded his head as he said, "Yeah, I… I want you to come, and… your family too… Also, if you, don't mind… could you be my best man?"

 _"Are you sure about that?"_ Ivan asked sounding surprised. _"After what happened and—"_

"I know, I know! But… like you said, it's okay now. We're grown ass men after all and we apologized. So, will you be my best man? You don't have to worry about anything because Gilbert reserved rights to the bachelor party planning. You just gotta look nice in a suit."

 _"Makes me sound like a whore,"_ Ivan said with a laugh so deep and smooth that Alfred felt his heart race.

"Sorry dude," Alfred laughed.

_"But okay. I'll do it. Just sent me the invite when you can. I'll text you my address."_

"Alright… Well, see you around then?"

_"Da, see you around."_

* * *

**Translations:**

bärchen – little bear

Du bist so ein Kind, meine Liebe. – You are such a child, my love.


	7. Gold Rings and Wild Nights

**Chapter 7: Gold Rings and Wild Nights**

By Friday the 17th the last of Alfred and Monika's friends arrived for the parties of a lifetime. Everyone was gathered in a hotel not far from where the wedding would be held, though one person was still missing.

"So, Ivan's really showing up?" Eliza asked as she leaned on Roderich's shoulder.

"Yeah… supposed to, anyway." Alfred said as he looked at his friends.

"He's probably held up in traffic," Matthew said as he patted his twin's back. "Don't worry he'll get here."

"He better! Haven't seen his mug in a while and if he skips out I'm going to hunt him down," Gilbert said with a confident grin on his face.

Alfred rolled his eyes, but just as he did so someone said, "They'll stick if you keep doing that."

Alfred froze as he heard the familiar voice, and looked around to try and find Ivan. His eyes settled on a large man standing beside Kiku and Alfred and the gang looked up to him and stared. He was a tall man, over 6ft at least, broad frame, muscular, vibrant violet eyes, ash colored hair and a slightly darker beard that was trimmed low to his strong jaw.

"I-Ivan?" Alfred asked as he walked up to the man who nodded his head.

"Holy shit," was a shared declaration amongst most of their friends.

They stared at his face taking in how much older he looked and how good he pulled off a beard. They took note of his clothing too, seeing him dressed in coffee brown t-shirt with a bright pattern on the shirt pocket, black jeans, and leather converse. Ivan hadn't known what to wear so he just grabbed the first thing in his closet.

"Ivan, when did you get so hot?" Eliza asked astonished as she sized him up.

Ivan smiled a bit awkwardly to the statement, but then brought his focus back on Alfred. He hadn't seen the man in years and it seemed like he had gotten taller as well. His honey blonde hair was still the same with the cowlick in place, his glasses had changed to bright blue frames, and his freckles seemed to have dispersed across his face. All Ivan could think was how handsome Alfred had gotten over the years.

"Dude, that beard…" Alfred reached up to touch it and Ivan would have let him if Alfred hadn't stopped himself short. "It looks good on you." He commented with a faint blush on his face.

"Yeah, you really got that burly Russian man thing going on," Gilbert said and Ivan looked to the albino with a smirk on his face.

"You're still a child, I see."

"Damn straight," Gilbert said proudly.

Ivan smiled a little wider then looked over to see Monika and her friends smiling at him. He smiled back then let out sigh as he said, "You guys, I'm sorry about what happened after graduation. I had been… confused about some things, but everything's been worked out and I ho—"

"Ivan, you know damn well we don't care," Gilbert said abruptly.

"Yeah, we're just glad to see you and Alfred finally made up." Eliza said.

"Everything's alright," Kiku said.

"We've missed you," Matthew added in.

Ivan rubbed the back his neck and nodded then looked to Alfred shyly who just beamed a smile.

"Alright, now that everyone's kissed and made up let's get going!" Alfred declared.

"Hell yeah!"

Everyone divided up into bachelor and bachelorette and headed out to their respective cars. Gilbert drove with Matthew in the front seat as they headed off to their first stop. A club by the name of Taste and everyone steeled their nerves before plunging in. The music was loud, the place was hot, and the booze was perfect. They went to a booth reserved for them and shared shots in Alfred's honor. They only stayed long enough to get buzzed and dance a bit before going to another club. This one was where the real magic happened. The neon sign reading _Temptation_ had Gilbert grinning at what waited inside. He led them inside to show them the very large strip club. Men and women alike danced on various stages and Alfred slapped a hand over his face.

"I should have known," he said through a laugh and Gilbert just grinned and grabbed Alfred's hand.

"Come on I got a special dance lined up for you."

"You didn't!" Alfred practically yelled in disbelief, but before he could protest he was brought upfront to a stage. "Oh my god, Gil!"

Alfred felt his face getting hot as Gilbert announced that Alfred was in the club for his bachelor party. Alfred was easily put on a stage and seated in a chair. He looked out at the crowds then at Ivan who just smiled at him. That smile eased him a little bit, but once the stripper came out his heart was racing again. She was called Diamond and she danced for him in a way that had Alfred's head spinning.

Alfred could hear his friends shouting teasing remarks, mostly Eliza and Gilbert really, as the stripper gave him the lap dance of his life. When it was over he was given a kiss on the cheek and was slightly erect. Once he got down he was given a whisky by Matthew and he laughed as Gilbert asked how he felt.

"Y'all are crazy," was all Alfred could get out before more drinks were handed to him.

Ivan had found the experience to be interesting. Watching how flustered Alfred got made him wonder if it was his first time at a strip club. He felt a little envious of the girl that got to dance on him, but no matter. He was here with his friends, with Alfred, and he was enjoying himself. He shot back drinks and even challenged his friends to a contest. Kiku took him on quickly, but gave up only five shots in. Matthew was the only one who didn't participate since he was the designated driver. It was only 6 minutes in, nearly 14 shots down and all that remained was him and Alfred. Gilbert had hung in pretty well until he finished his 12th shot and fell over. Alfred looked ready to pass out and Ivan felt a bit sick himself. They stared each other down, both just waiting for the other to put their glass up and see who lasts. Though Ivan found himself staring more at Alfred's open mouth then his face. His lips where plump and pink, just so inviting and Ivan wanted badly to cave in. He wanted to set down his shot and kiss those lips all night. He'd been wanting to for years.

"Fuck, I can't," Alfred finally said and set down his glass. "You win, dammit!"

Ivan smiled and set down his glass and Alfred laid his head down in an effort to ease his stomach.

"Well, congrats you alcoholic," Gilbert said then burped.

Ivan just laughed and shook his head.

"Please, I just have a higher tolerance," Ivan said and Gilbert just smacked his lips then got up.

"Imma go dance. Come on Mattie," Gilbert said as he grabbed Matthew.

"What? Why me?" Matthew asked as he dragged off.

The remaining table laughed, but Eliza got up as well and grabbed Roderich.

"I wanna dance too!"

Kiku followed after, having gotten comfortable after drinking so much. The strip club was still in intermission, which allowed for anyone to dance in the club. Though upon realizing that everyone was gone, Ivan saw that he was alone with Alfred.

"Do you want to dance?" Ivan asked, wanting to say something to the blonde.

Alfred picked his head up and looked at Ivan with interest.

"I would love ta, but I think I'd barf on ya from movin' too much."

Ivan laughed and Alfred moved to lean into Ivan.

"I missed ya," Alfred said and Ivan found himself falling silent.

"I missed you too."

Alfred smiled at hearing that and looked up at Ivan. He smiled even brighter at seeing the beard and moved a hand out to touch it.

"I bet all the girls are over you 'cause of this," Alfred mused as he touched the soft hair.

"I wouldn't say _all_ girls," Ivan said as he leaned closer to Alfred, enjoying the touch.

Alfred just gave a hum, his drunk mind not understanding Ivan's meaning. All he knew as that Ivan was with him after so long and that his beard was really awesome.

"I wonder what you look like without it," Alfred said trying to picture Ivan from high school.

"Like my age, 24 instead of 30," Ivan said jokingly and Alfred snickered as he leaned in more.

Neither of them realized how close they were until their lips brushed together. Ivan swallowed thickly, knowing that what he was about to do was wrong. His friend was getting married, his friend was drunk, and yet… this would be his only chance. For four years he had struggled with this want, well most likely more than four if Ivan really thought about it. He hadn't realized how he felt about Alfred until college, until Toris kissed him one night when they were both buzzed on beer and stressed out from school.

"Vanya…"

Ivan felt his heart melt into a puddle as he heard his nickname and that was what did him in. He leaned forward and kissed Alfred sweetly. It was just a press of lips at first, Alfred was still against him, but Ivan still kept going. He moved his lips eagerly against Alfred's and to his surprise Alfred did to. Alfred kissed him back and moved his hands from Ivan's beard to his hair to hold him closer. Ivan wrapped his arms around Alfred, relishing in the feel of Alfred against his body, the taste of his kiss, and how good he was at using tongue. Ivan could feel himself getting swept away, but he knew he couldn't keep this up. Their friends would come back, and if they saw this… it would be disastrous.

Ivan had to pull away with every ounce of will he had. He wanted so badly to keep to going to have Alfred for himself for one night, but he couldn't. Alfred would be drunk and wouldn't remember a thing, hopefully, but there was still the issue of their friends. Ivan let go with reluctance and Alfred looked at him like he was the most amazing thing in the world.

"Wow."

Ivan reached up to unhook Alfred's hands from his hair and shoulder, then got up from the table.

"I'm going to the bathroom," was all he said before he left.

"You gonna puke?" Alfred asked his flushed face looking concerned.

"Yeah…"

It was a half-truth. Ivan felt sick to stomach because of booze and the fact that his pants felt tight. His chest ached as he got into the bathroom and barely got into a stall before he felt his eyes start to burn.

** :/:/:/:/: **

When the night ended and morning arrived, it was the day of the wedding. Ivan woke up to a dull pain in his head, the feeling of being too hot, and a tingling arm. He found himself lying on a couch in a hotel room couch that wasn't his own and with someone partially on top of him. He looked down at the person to see it to be none other than the groom. Alfred was drooling on his chest and had his arms and legs wrapped around him. Ivan found himself going into a near panic at realizing both of them where pants-less, thinking that they had sex even though he told himself he wouldn't.

_'Calm down. It didn't happen, you idiot. Just think about this.'_

Ivan took a deep breath through his nose and gently moved Alfred's head to see his neck. There were no hickies or bites, then looked around himself to find their friends splayed out on the floor in front of the TV passed out. There wouldn't have been a snowball's chance in hell that they had sex, so Ivan relaxed. Though upon doing so he realized he felt something hard pressing against him and he instantly thought back to the sleepovers they used to have. Ivan rolled his eyes then went about the task of getting out from underneath Alfred. It was tricky, but Ivan managed and got up. He looked back at Alfred then around the room before leaning down and giving a quick kiss to Alfred's non-drool covered check.

 _'There, that's the end of it. No more.'_ Ivan told himself internally then moved to the bathroom.

Ivan quickly relieved himself, then found Advil and a stack of disposable cups. He shot back the pills easily enough then splashed water onto his face. When he dried off he stared at himself in the mirror; he could still feel Alfred's fingers in his beard, could still feel the warmth of his lips. Ivan let out an exasperated sigh then touched his face replaying the night before in his head once more and wondering if he should shave. It wasn't because Alfred wanted to see him without it, but because it would be like a last hurrah? He had only grown it out because he got too busy to shave his face every three days. Between work and trying to find a relationship that wouldn't blow up in face, or be a waste of time, he just didn't have time for it.

"Hey, you done in there or what?" came a voice that sounded like Roderich.

Ivan looked at himself one last time before leaving the mirror and surrendering the bathroom.

** :/:/:/:/: **

By 4 o'clock on the dot Ivan was in a grassy backyard of a rented home with a private beach. He stood front and off to the right, clean shaven and feeling pretty okay. His tux was well tailored to his body and Alfred had given him a double take when he saw him. It seemed like the kiss from last night was lost on Alfred, for he was honestly surprised by Ivan's shaved face, like he hadn't suggested it the night before. Eliza commented that she had liked the beard, but everyone agreed he still looked hot, and younger too.

By 4:30 the last minute things were handled and Alfred was standing nervously as he awaited for Monika to arrive. Everyone was in attendance, Ivan's family even sitting next to Alfred's own like old times, smiling and giving him proud looks. Alfred looked back to Ivan and felt his heart race even more from doing so. He couldn't keep his eyes off of Ivan, without the beard he looked so different yet the same. He found himself focusing on the lips that curled up in a smile, but before his mind could wander further the music began. Monika appeared and her little cousin sprinkled violets and blue rose petals upon the ground in her wake on the white carpet. Monika wore a brilliant white dress with violet and baby blue accents that took Alfred's breath away. The moment she reached the makeshift altar resting in the backyard the preacher began.

The service was decently long and the vows oozed so much love and passion that Ivan felt a bit guilty. Nevertheless he stayed where he was, kept silent, and admired Alfred as he was wedded to Monika. After they signed their document and sealed their marriage with a kiss everyone cheered as they headed through the house and to the beach where the reception was held. Ivan clapped for them, expressing his happiness, as he thought, _'This is it.'_

He joined his friends at the reception, and took a seat at the bride groom table that he was designated to. Alfred's fathers gave a speech to the couple, then Monika's parents did the same, followed by Alice, and then Ivan was handed the mic as well. Ivan gawked at it like it was an alien creature and Alfred leaned over to whisper that Ivan didn't have to give a speech. Ivan knew he'd love to take that offer, but he couldn't. He was the best man after all.

Ivan took the mic and stood up, a heavy heart in his chest as he looked at everyone in the tent and then the couple beside him.

"I didn't think I'd be speaking, since _someone_ didn't tell me about it," Ivan started and gave a pointed look to Alfred, who just smiled. The crowd laughed lightly then fell silent as Ivan continued. "I honestly don't know what to say… Just… Alfred has been with me for years and even though we had our disagreement long ago, he still invited me here today. He really is a one of a kind friend and I'm glad we made up so I could attend this night. Monika is a lovely woman and I knew Alfred loved her the day he spotted her. He looked ready to drool on himself when we saw her at the beach on Senior Skip Day." Everyone laughed and Alfred just blushed darkly. "But you two are truly a pair. Congratulations."

Everyone cheered and clapped when Ivan finished, and he handed the mic off to Francis who patted him on the back. Francis announced that the cake was ready at that moment and Alfred and Monika stood up. They walked over to a giant 5 tier cake decorated in flowers and white fondant. At the top the figure of a bride had her husband in her arms bridal style, which got a few laughs. The couple cut into the cake and entwined their arms to eat it in sync then drink the first of many champagnes of the night. With that the ceremony was now a free for all of food and drink until it was time for the first dance. The sound of Jessie Ware's "Wildest Moments" played as the two slow danced together across the floor. Alfred mouthed the words and commented on how beautiful his wife was which had Monika giggling. Alfred smiled brightly and kissed Monika as the song ended and soon "Dancing on Glass" by St. Lucia started playing and everyone joined in—Ivan wasn't an exception either. Katyusha had yanked him out on the floor and he was trapped with her.

"I'm proud of you," Katyusha said knowing how much this wedding put a strain on Ivan.

Ivan smiled at her and thanked her. He had told Katyusha everything back in his first year of college. Told her about Alfred, their fight, his feelings towards him, and dating Toris. She had been the one to help him come to terms with everything, to realize he was in love with Alfred and he was just using Toris to fill that space. She had been understanding and even helped him come out to the rest of his family just last year.

When the song ended Alfred bumped into Ivan and Monika smiled at Ivan as she said, "You two should dance!"

This idea was quickly backed by friends and family, and Alfred looked up to Ivan with a slightly red face.

"Whaddaya say?" Alfred asked.

"Why not?"

The song changed to Troye Sivan's "Youth" and Alfred and Ivan did their best to slow dance and not step on each other. Everyone cheered and Ivan felt his face turn a bit pink as he realized how fitting the song was for them. They twirled during the fast parts of the song and Alfred felt dizzier than ever. It reminded him of the kiss they shared the night before, the dizzy feeling he got in his head when he realized Ivan was kissing him. He had played off the night as a lost memory, but he knew he'd never forget it. Thinking about it now even made him want to kiss Ivan. He didn't really understand it, but he wanted to.

"I'm glad you came," Alfred said trying to get his head in order.

"I'm glad you invited me," Ivan said with a smile.

The song soon ended and Ivan dipped Alfred, which got cheers and cat calls. Once they separated the night went on as a grand party and Ivan found himself making the best of it.

* * *

****Ah, it hurts doesn't it, but hey it'll... work out in the end :3c Thanks for the reviews so far! See yall on Sunday!  
**

 


	8. Catching Up

**Chapter 8: Catching Up**

Ivan woke up with a crick in his neck. He groaned as he felt the pain and rolled over only to hear a startled cry. Ivan quickly bolted up as the jingling bell on his cat drifted out the room, he realized then that he had nearly crushed his pet. Ivan sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair as his heart rate evened out. He looked to the side of his bed, feeling like there was some importance to it, when it hit him a minute later. He had brought someone home, a guy around his age Carlos or something, but he guessed it really was a one night stand. Not that he was complaining, the sex had been good, really good in fact, but oh well.

Ivan stretched out his body, feeling his joints pop, making him feel much older than 26. Ivan sighed and slumped against his headboard, then noted the time as 9 am before looking around his room. He eyed the earth tones of his room and the modern design it held, before looking to his left. A wall of glass made up the left side of his room. It was opaque on the outside but from the inside it showed the world clear as day. He could see the small forest around his home and then his neighbors a good distance away.

The woodsy area of his state had always been a favorite of his and he always dreamed of living like the upper-class did. Now he finally had that and the house of his dreams, a house he designed and built on his own after years of working construction and designing buildings when hired. His home wasn't massive, but just big enough if he ever decided to have a family of some sort in the future. Right now however, it was just him and his cat Sputnik and the occasional partner that caught his attention. He could hardly remember the last time he had a serious relationship, it was some time ago last year… maybe… It didn't matter anyway. They were gone and Ivan was alone.

A soft meow came through Ivan's thinking and he found his cat waiting for food. The fluffy ball of grey and white flicked his tail as he eyed Ivan.

"I'm coming," Ivan said as he got out of bed. The cat then took it upon himself to lead Ivan to the kitchen. Ivan smiled at the act, but followed and soon gave his cat what he wanted. "Now time for my breakfast."

Ivan opened the fridge for bread, eggs, and sausage. He made himself a quick breakfast in his spacious kitchen colored in a burnt orange and had wooden accents to keep the modern earthy feel. He sat down at his island on a stool and pulled his phone closer to him to check his notifications as he ate in silence. He checked his Snapchat, which Alfred had forced him into joining, and found that Alfred had left him a plethora of videos and pictures.

The first one was a picture of darkness and the time 4:19am in bold white with a message across it—'You awake?' The second was a picture of Alfred in his bathroom flexing in the mirror like an idiot and in the middle it had a message—'You awake now?' The third was a video of Alfred walking through his house in dim darkness. The next video was him at a stop light as a song played, which sounded familiar to Ivan, but couldn't place it. The next was a video of Alfred driving one handed as he aimed his phone at a state sign 'Welcome to Oregon' and then Alfred cursing as he drops his phone. The next was a picture that said he was okay. Ivan laughed in relief and at Alfred's idiocy, then assumed Alfred was visiting his family today.

The snaps ended there and Ivan finished off his breakfast then reached for his mug of tea to realize it wasn't there. He let out a curse and got up to get his morning tea made. He checked his texts as he waited for the water to boil, finding that an unknown number had texted him twice in his sleep.

'Hey its Em. I've been thinkin about u…' 'R u up for some fun tonight?'

Ivan knew the woman, but hadn't saved her number like she apparently had saved his. He only slept with her twice, but it seemed she wanted another round. It didn't matter to him anyway, he wouldn't have been able to since he was with Carlos last night. Ivan deleted the conversation and found he was out of notifications just as his teapot started to whistle. He made himself a sugary Irish breakfast blend and went to his backdoor, a pane of opaque glass with a knob, and stepped out into the warm September morning. He sat down in a chair resting on his patio still dressed in a t-shirt and boxers. He listened to the world around him, but it was interrupted by a ping and vibration from his phone. He pulled it out to see Alfred had Snapchated him again.

He opened it up to find a video of Alfred turning his car around a corner that looked oddly familiar. The current time was plastered on the video showing a big 10:43am. Ivan raised his own phone to take a picture of the woods and his neighbors and put the weather for the day on it then sent it. Ivan relaxed outside for a while longer, wondering briefly if Alfred would come see him. They hadn't talked face to face in a while, last year around Christmas to be exact. Alfred's fathers had thrown a party and Ivan had been invited, along with his family. Alfred had also never seen Ivan's new home since it was only recently completed. What Alfred had seen of it was through Snapchat and texts.

Another ping and vibration had Ivan picking up his phone and finding Snapchat to be the cause. Alfred had sent him another video. Alfred was driving up all too familiar road then it cut out. Another video quickly followed and it showed Alfred's feet getting out of the car and walking up to a familiar porch. Another video followed that one and it showed Alfred's feet standing at a door and it panned up to show a wooden door that Ivan knew to be his.

"What?"

Ivan quickly got up and rushed through his house as the doorbell went off. He got to his door and flung it open to see, in fact, that Alfred was standing before him. The blonde looked surprised then smiled widely as he took in the sight off Ivan.

"Well good morning sleeping beauty."

"How did… _What_?"

Alfred laughed and rocked on the balls of his feet.

"I wanted to talk to you since it's been awhile and I thought 'Why not just go up there? Haven't seen the new house anyways,' ya know?"

"You drove six hours just to get up here?"

"Yup! Now you gonna let me in or are you going to enjoy the breeze some more?"

Ivan raised an eyebrow in confusion and Alfred just darted his eyes down to Ivan's lower half. The man wide-eyed and looked down ready to hide his shame, only to find nothing there.

"Made ya look."

Ivan rolled his eyes and smacked Alfred's head as he walked past him, making the blonde laugh.

"Well make yourself at home. I'm going to put on some pants," Ivan said as Alfred looked around.

"Okay."

Ivan took to the stairs causally, but once far enough he practically ran to his room. He frantically ran around trying to clean up his room from the night before, putting clothes away, making his bed to hide last night's stains, hiding lube that somehow was out in the open. He then rushed to his en-suite bathroom and brushed his teeth and shaved as fast as possible, then raided his closet for clothing. He settled for a sweater hoodie that hugged his frame nicely and a pair of grey jeans. He then looked himself over in a mirror deeming himself fit for Alfred's eyes then headed out. However, he paused at the door at realizing how ridiculous he was. He was trying to impress Alfred, even though he knew it was pointless. He shook his head as he tried to get a grip on himself, then proceeded to leave his room. He walked back downstairs to find Alfred no longer in the front room.

"Alfred?" Ivan called as he as he made his way around the first floor of the house.

"I'm in the kitchen," Alfred replied, "and I could use your help."

Ivan felt curiosity struck him as he walked towards the back of the house. What he found was Alfred with a very proud looking Sputnik clawing into his shoulders as he tried to rest there.

"All I did was pet him and then he just climbed me like a tree! And, god, _why_ do his claws hurt so much?" Alfred whined and Ivan just chuckled as he moved to assist.

"He likes you," Ivan said as he pried his cat off of Alfred and set him on the ground.

"Well if he could like me a little more gently I'd be fine," Alfred said as he checked to see how big the holes where in his shirt and jacket.

Ivan smiled at him then moved to his coffee maker and pulled out two mugs.

"You want some coffee? Or did you get enough on the trip up?"

"Dude, I will never have enough coffee," Alfred said seriously and Ivan rolled his eyes.

Ivan placed a kcup into the machine and set down Alfred's mug first, then gathered creamer, sugar, and even caramel sauce if Alfred wanted it.

"This is a real nice place you got," Alfred said once his black coffee was handed to him, free to alter at will. "It's amazing that you had just drawn this a few years ago."

"It's nothing extremely amazing Alfred, but I do love it," Ivan said fondly and Alfred scoffed as he added a bit of caramel to his coffee.

"Dude, you fuckin drew your own damn house then built it! From what I've seen, this place is amazing! I mean, with the homey earthy feel and hanging planets, and the windows, it's fuckin' cool!" Alfred declared then left his mug to walk over to the backyard door. "Look at this shit! It's clear as day but on the outside you can't see shit!"

"You speak so eloquently," Ivan teased and Alfred just stuck out his tongue as he walked back and took up his mug.

"I'm just saying, this place is pretty damn awesome." Alfred complimented. "Wish I could've come up sooner to see it. Hell, maybe one day I'll ask ya to build me a house too!"

Ivan felt his pride inflate from Alfred's praise and hid a grin behind his mug as he sipped his coffee. Silence overcame them as they drank their coffee comfortably and once Ivan was able to keep the grin off his face he spoke.

"So, what brings you up here? Besides my house that is."

"I just wanted to catch up is all," Alfred admitted. "Haven't seen ya in ages."

Ivan gave a hum to this then leaned off his counter.

"Alright, but let's sit down," Ivan said and Alfred nodded.

Ivan took the lead and toured Alfred through his home, showing him the expanse of the first floor and then the second where he took Alfred to a library. The place was filled with books and Alfred hummed at the old book smell that clung to the air. They sat down on a couch resting against a window and Alfred set down his coffee and curled up on the couch to look at Ivan expectantly.

"So, what's new?"

"Ugh, what are you, fourteen?"

Alfred laughed but put kidding aside and shoved Ivan lightly.

"Come on, tell me what's happening in your life dude! Any cool architecture projects? Girlfriends? Secret families in Canada?"

Ivan couldn't help the laugh that came out of him as Alfred said this, but shook his head.

"No, no secret families, but I have been hired by the city to design and build a new office skyscraper. It'll be my first one," Ivan said a bit excited.

"Well congrats! Look at you, doing cool shit!" Alfred said proudly then went on to ask, "What about the girlfriends part?"

Ivan sighed at the question then shrugged his shoulders. Alfred didn't know about his sexuality, that he was pansexual, but it didn't really matter at the moment.

"Not much luck. I haven't had a serious relationship in a long while…" Ivan admitted and Alfred gave a thoughtful look.

"I bet it's because you're too sexy," Alfred said and Ivan looked at him skeptically. "For real! Girls just wanna get fucked by the hot giant—" Ivan broke out into laughter and Alfred started to giggle with him. "Shu-shut up and let me finish!" Alfred said trying to keep a straight face while Ivan laugh. "They just, just wanna ride the hot giant with a Russian accent who looks potentially we-wealthy enough to be robbed after sex!"

Ivan was in tears by the end of Alfred's explanation and Alfred was laughing without holding back.

"God no, Alfred," Ivan said after some time, catching his breath.

"It could be true!" Alfred defend as he wiped at his face.

"Well if so then fine, but I really just think I'm looking for the wrong person," Ivan said calming down more and Alfred mellowed out as well. "Or I have too high of a standard," Ivan said with the most serious face he ever had then shrugged his shoulders. "Who knows."

Alfred snickered from the act and shrugged his shoulders too. He then moved to uncurl himself on the couch, rest his legs across Ivan's lap and smiling just as bright as the sun.

"I missed this. Just you and me." Alfred said after a moment of silence.

"I did too," Ivan said, his words having a heavier meaning that was lost on Alfred. "You remember that time when you fell into the creek?"

"Hey, I would have cleared that jump if the grass hadn't been wet," Alfred defended.

"Sure you would've."

"You remember the time when your shorts fell off during gym and you fell over like a tree?"

Ivan felt his face burning at the memory and easily dished out a comeback.

"Remember that time I caught you making out with your pillow and then took a picture of it?"

"You ass!" Alfred shouted and kicked Ivan's thigh. "You can't say shit 'cause I saw you jerking off once!"

"I was in the bathroom and you just barged in!" Ivan defended and punched Alfred's leg. "Yet you still never learned your lesson!"

"Sure didn't!" Alfred said with a smug look. "Oh my god! Remember the time we went to junior prom? We ended up ditching it half way through and eating at Taco Bell!"

"Yeah and then we nearly died when you wanted to cut through someone's yard. That dog was out for blood, just like their owner."

"Nah, we nearly died when we rode a grocery cart downhill."

Ivan paused as he compared the moments and then nodded in agreement.

"Good times," Ivan said.

"Damn right," Alfred said then trialed off as he thought of what to say next. "I know… we don't talk about this much but… How was college?"

Ivan felt the amusement of their talk fade a bit, but he didn't shy away.

"It was… educating."

"Wow, so eloquent."

Ivan rolled his eyes and went on to say, "I mean, I learned a lot, not just about my major and passions, but about myself. At times it hurt to be there, but I pulled through and now here I am. Got a great job, live in a great house, and got a great cat…. What about you?"

Alfred hummed and laid back on the couch arm.

"It was cool. I partied my ass off, drank a lot, tried weed once and found out it was mixed with something else and since then I stayed clear. I wasn't like, date raped or anything," Alfred clarified by the concerned look on Ivan's face. "I had apparently done some stupid shit and nearly set the frat house I was in on fire and had the most vivid hallucinations that I couldn't handle. So yeah, no drugs for Alfred," he said with a chuckle. "I struggled a bit with school, but Monika and a few friends helped pull me through. It was also then that I learned that I wanted to marry Monika and I proposed, and now I'm here," Alfred said then smirked as he reused Ivan's words. "Got a great job, live in a pretty good house, and got great wife, and…" Alfred paused as he said this part and smiled crookedly.

"And what?" Ivan asked as he looked at Alfred curiously.

Alfred relaxed his face as best he could before continuing.

"And my great wife… is giving me a great child."

Ivan froze once he heard this and felt his eyes widen as he processed what was said.

"Are… Are you saying that… Monika is…"

"Pregnant? Yeah," Alfred said smiling sheepishly. "She's in her third month now and I've been so excited that I had to tell you first. We were going to announce it once she was further along, but I couldn't hold it in. She's just a week, or two, away from her second trimester."

Ivan felt a pang of something in his chest as he took in the news. The pang felt like jealousy, but at the same time sadness, Ivan couldn't really point it out and just settled on smiling. He knew there was no point in feeling the way he did. He knew he needed to be supportive, to be the actual friend Alfred knew him and needed him to be.

"Wow… Congratulations Alfred," Ivan said sincerely and patted Alfred's leg.

"Thanks," Alfred beamed. "I um… I also wanted to ask if you'd like to be the godfather of the baby. I know it's too soon to be talking about this, but I just... I really want it to be you."

Ivan wide eyed at the offer and Alfred took his legs from Ivan to sit up properly. He scooted closer to Ivan and put a hand on his wrist as he looked at him with big blue eyes.

"It would mean a lot to me, and Monika too."

Ivan swallowed thickly and knew what he was going to say before he even thought about it.

"I accept."

  


* * *

*****Can ya feel it? Can ya feeeellll it? Can ya feeeeeelllll it?**

**Also, I'm just going to be single chapters for the next few updates. I got five chapters left the write out of the 20 planned, so doing single chapter updates will buy me more time to write u.u Thank you all for you comments and for sticking with me! (I still haven't written much for Strength, but I'm NOT abandoning it!)**

 


	9. A Beginning and Ending

**Chapter 9: A Beginning and Ending**

Alfred had come to find that a pregnant Monika was way more intense than a normal Monika. She had this craving for sauerkraut and pickles that had to be on _almost_ everything she ate. She had this cut throat attitude most of the time, had doctor appointments always scheduled, and answers for any questions Alfred had—She could give a military commander a run for their money.

The pregnancy was a bit rougher than they had expected, false labor came up a couple times, and the worry of miscarriages when Monika started bleeding randomly, but once Alfred was able to force and keep Monika in bed things went smoothly. They found out that they were having a healthy baby girl on week 18, and once Monika entered her third trimester they had a baby shower. They played a guessing game of gender and a good majority of their guests guessed right. They also announced Ivan and Alice to be the godparents. It was also during this last trimester that Alfred enlisted the help of Ivan and his brother to paint, decorate, and furnish the baby's room.

By March of 2021 Monika was nearing her due date, which would be sometime in late March. However, on the 10th Alfred was rudely awakened by a punch in the face as Monika went into labor. The birth of their daughter had been a learning experience. Monika had to get an emergency C-section once they realized their baby was struggling to come out and Monika was struggling to push. By 6:47am Marla Ursa Jones was born, her arrival was a silent one, which weirded them out, but the doctor said that it was normal. Marla was a bit underweight but overall she was perfectly fine and that's all Alfred and Monika cared about. Neither of them could stop holding the new life they created, and Alfred had to flood all social media with pictures of his baby girl.

The moment Alfred and Monika got the okay to have visitors their friends and family who could make the trip as soon as possible drove 6 hours to their hospital. Ivan had been one of the first to arrive, having more freedom in his job to just take off at a moment's notice. He found himself looking forward to meeting the new baby in real life and wanted to get there as soon as possible. He walked into the room to see Alfred holding the baby tenderly and Monika sleeping in her hospital bed. Ivan held a bag in one hand and a tray of coffee and soda in the other.

"Good morning Alfred."

Alfred looked up at hearing the voice and saw Ivan standing in the doorway.

"Oh my god," Alfred said feeling overjoyed at the sight of Ivan. He then waved his hand in a come-hither motion and Ivan quickly came into the room.

"Brought coffee for you and Sprite for Monika and some McDonalds since you've been complaining about the hospital food."

"Dude, I love you," Alfred said with a soft laugh. "You can set that stuff in the chair. Thanks for coming down so fast."

"I would have been here sooner if there wasn't so many cops along the road," Ivan said as he set down the food.

Alfred smiled at hearing that then looked down at Marla as she made a little yawn.

"Hey, baby girl. Wanna see your godfather?"

Marla just looked at Alfred with big eyes and Ivan moved over to see the baby bundled up in a green blanket.

"Hello, little one," Ivan said softly and reached a finger out for the baby to hold.

Marla grabbed it easily and stared at Ivan with big blue eyes, then tried to stick the finger in her mouth to suck on. Alfred laughed and Ivan gently took his finger back as he said, "Looks like someone is hungry."

"Yeah, she didn't eat much earlier," Alfred said as he reached over to Monika's bedside tray and took a bottle of formula off of it. He held it up to Marla to drink, but then paused and looked up at Ivan. "You wanna feed her?"

Ivan gave a brief look of surprise before relaxing and nodding his head.

"Don't worry, it's pretty easy," Alfred said as he got up and let Ivan have his seat. He then gave Marla to him and guided him on how to hold her properly. He then gave him the bottle and Ivan started to feed the baby who settled into his arms perfectly. "That's a good look for you," Alfred commented as he watched his best friend feed his daughter.

"You think so?" Ivan said with a soft grin.

"Yeah, you should get a kid too, and then we can have playdates!" Alfred said happily as he moved to the chair that had the food Ivan brought.

"Then we could join the PTA and talk crap about Martha and her 7 layer dip," Ivan said in a sassy tone that had Alfred snorting into his coffee and nearly choking as he started to laugh.

"Why do you always laugh so loudly," came a rough voice and Ivan and Alfred looked over to Monika.

She stretched out her limbs as best she could without agitating her healing C-section wound. She then opened her eyes to see someone not her husband beside her, feeding her child. She looked the person confused for a moment, but then realized that the person beside her was Ivan.

"Oh, hey Ivan," Monika said then took a deep breath and reached over to touch the covered head of her baby. "What smells so good?"

"McD's," Alfred said, "Ivan brought us a couple things and coffee and Sprite."

"I got you a chicken sandwich and Sprite since I wasn't sure if you can stomach it."

"Thank you Ivan, now give me the sandwich," Monika said as she held out her hand.

Alfred chuckled but got up and dug out the sandwich and small fry, then set down her soda. Monika eagerly opened the packaging and took a bite.

"This is so good I could cry," she said before washing it down with sprite.

"I know right. This hospital food is so bland," Alfred said as he finished off his big mac.

Ivan just smiled at the two then looked down to Marla who had also finished her bottle. He took it from her mouth and set it on the floor. He then put her over his shoulder and patted her back gently. When she burped a while later he brought her back down and held her against his chest.

"Look at you baby handler," Monika commented.

"I did take care of Natalia a bit when she was a baby. Not much but I remember feeding her."

The room fell into a comfortable silence then, but not for long as the sound of familiar voices came from outside the room.

"Looks like the family is here," Alfred said as he heard his fathers bickering about the room number. Alfred stood up to flag down his family, and Francis quickly moved to get into the room to see his granddaughter.

"Let me see ma petite fille charmante!" Francis said excitedly as he came up to Ivan holding the baby. Francis gasped upon seeing her and eagerly asked to hold her. Monika gave her consent and Ivan gently gave up the baby to her grandfather. "She's so tiny!"

"She's still underweight, but she'll be fine," Alfred said as his father and brother peered around Francis to see the baby as well.

"She's adorable," Arthur said approvingly as he looked at Marla. "Well done you two."

The family spent a good hour gushing over the baby and asking Ivan when he'd be getting one of his own. The visit was full of light hearted teasing and talk of future care for the baby. Ivan enjoyed the time he spent there and he wondered if he would have one of his own someday. He couldn't really see himself finding a woman he loved enough to have a baby with, but the idea of having a child around seemed great.

Though as the years went by Ivan found himself thinking that perhaps Marla was enough for him. Alfred and Monika had extremely demanding jobs, while Ivan could design his buildings and plans and wait around at home while the place was being built by his construction team. He was always able to phone in on work whenever a problem or questions popped up in his absence from the site. This led to little Marla practically living in his home when work became too much for both parents and babysitters near them where out of the question.

Ivan was able to witness Marla grow up steadily, learning to walk, talk, break things, scream, cry, fall, wrestle his cat, lie, and look more and more like Alfred every day. He honestly felt more like a father with how much he got to see and spend time with Marla, but he never complained. He was happy to see the child become aware and grow up so quickly.

"Dis is… is you… 'n' me… 'n' daddy… 'n' mama…"

"What about Sputnik?"

"Oh! 'N' Spudnik too!"

Ivan smiled as he watched the three year old Marla drawing nothing but colorful misshapen figures and attempting to write the names of everyone in the picture.

"It's a very good picture Marla. Your daddy and mommy will love it," Ivan said as he ruffled Marla's shoulder length blonde hair. Marla just beamed a smile then went back to her work. Ivan was sitting next to her on the floor of his front room. The TV was playing some educating cartoons, now as background noise, since Marla took to drawing after seeing Ivan drawing on his tablet.

They sat in silence drawing for work and pleasure, until Ivan's phone went off. The tone of a wordless love song alerted Ivan that it was Alfred.

"Oh, Alfred is calling."

Marla instantly perked up at hearing that and once Ivan answered the phone she shouted, "HI DADDY!"

 _"Hey baby girl!"_ came Alfred's voice loudly through the phone.

Marla smiled at hearing it then went back to drawing, leaving Ivan to gain his hearing back.

"So, what brings your call? Ready for me to bring her back sooner?" Ivan asked.

 _"No, no… Actually… could you keep her a little longer?"_ Alfred asked, his voice sounding worried and tired. _"If not… I'll see if my papa and dad could take her. I know you're probably tired of having her around so much."_

Ivan furrowed his brow then got up to his feet as he said, "No, it's fine. You know they're busier than me." He then started to walk to the kitchen to get away from Marla. "Alfred… is something wrong?"

There was silence for a moment followed by a sniffle and Ivan felt even more alarmed than he already was.

"Fredya, talk to me," Ivan said, saying Alfred's old nickname for the first time in years.

 _"God, I don't know…"_ Alfred finally said. _"Everything was fine yesterday but this morning… Monika she… She didn't look so good. I knew she's been looking a little sick, but she always said she was fine."_

"Is she sick?" Ivan asked hearing how strained Alfred's voice was.

_"Yeah, really sick… She… She has cancer, Vanya."_

Ivan felt the blood in his veins run cold and right then Marla came running into the kitchen with her drawing in hand. She presented it to him demanding he look as she talked a mile a minute about it, but Ivan just patted her head and told her to go sit back in the other room. Marla looked disappointed but saw the worried look on Ivan's face.

"Are you okay?" she asked only getting closer to Ivan.

"Marla, I'm okay, just go back to the couch and I'll be there soon little one," Ivan said.

Marla stared at him blankly for a while longer before obeying and going back to the couch. Once she was gone Ivan moved to step outside to his patio.

"What kind of cancer does she have?" Ivan asked.

 _"Pancreatic, and if that doctor knows what he was fuckin' talkin' about then supposedly it's already too advanced. Monika looked yellow, Vanya. Fuckin'_ yellow _."_

Ivan swallowed a lump in his throat as he felt his heart thumping in his chest.

"It'll be okay Alfred. She'll just have to do some chemotherapy and be good as new."

 _"I hope so. I hope to God so."_ Alfred said as he sniffled again. _"I don't know wha' I'm gon' do. I… I just don't…"_

Ivan could tell Alfred was on the verge of crying by the sound of his voice. Alfred always had a drawl come to his words for some reason when he got emotional.

"Fredya, listen to me. It will be okay. Monika will get better, and all you can do right now is be supportive and see doctors regularly until treatments can be done. I can keep Marla for as long as you need me to if it helps."

 _"Vanya, I love you so much. You just… you just know what to do while I'm losing my head,"_ Alfred said hoarsely. _"I'm glad I called you first."_

Ivan felt himself smile at hearing that despite the situation.

"It'll be okay. I'll be here to help you and your fathers and Matthew too. All of us really," Ivan said and Alfred took a deep breath.

_"Okay. I uh, I gotta go. The doctor just came back. Text you later."_

With that Alfred hung up and Ivan felt lost.

The news of Monika's cancer was soon shared with the rest of their friends and families. The doctor visits where constant and exhausting and the worry was enough to make Alfred get Marla tested for the mutated gene. Neither he nor Monika knew where the cancer came from since Alfred had been adopted and Monika couldn't recall anyone in her immediate family having any kind of cancer.

Alfred just felt so empty and so helpless. All he could do was work his ass off to cover what insurance couldn't. All he could do was sit there and listen, sit there and watch as his wife's hair be shaved off, sit there and watch her start chemo. All he could do was be with Marla and try to make light of the situation.

The first time Monika had chemo Alfred had threatened to fight the doctors upon seeing just how bad she got. He knew that it was part of the process, but actually seeing it was so much worse than he had expected. He just wanted things to be back to normal, but that wasn't going to happen. As time went on the cancer seemed to back down for a bit. Alfred and Monika had been elated, Marla too. She was four at the time, and she knew very well that he mother was sick. She did everything she could to make her better—giving her drawings, toys, and even feeding her even when she said she wasn't hungry.

It seemed like they would beat the cancer and make it out just fine, but that feeling didn't last long. The cancer came back with a vengeance and Monika knew what would happen now.

One night she reached a frail hand over her hospital bed to Alfred beside her. Her husband sat with their sleeping daughter in his lap. He was dozing off himself, but quickly became alert when he felt her hand touch his arm.

"Ya need something, Mona?" Alfred asked as he took her hand in his own.

"Kinda," she said softly and rubbed her fingers over Alfred's. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you. You're the best boyfriend I ever had, and the best husband I could have ever asked for. You're also a pretty cool dad," Monika said with a smile and Alfred just stared at her. "I… I know this has been hard, for you, me, Marla, everyone, but… I don't want you to think this is the end, okay? Even when I'm gone—"

"Monika, don't," Alfred said feeling his throat tighten.

"Alfred, you know it's going to happen, and it's going to be okay." Alfred had tears come to his eyes and Monika just smiled at him. "When I'm gone, I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone to love just as strongly, or even more, than me—it doesn't matter really. I just want you to be happy and to take care of Marla. She going to be five in a few months. She's going to grow up so fast that before you know she's going to be talking about boys, or girls, who knows. She's going to be off doing her own thing, and she's going to need to be taught about sex and pads."

"B-But you can tell her about it," Alfred said as the tears rolled down his face. "I don't even know how those tampons work."

"Yes you do, liar," Monika said teasingly though her voice strained. "You're going to do great. You'll have my parents to help you if you need it. You'll have your family, you'll have Ivan, and you'll have our friends."

"Monika, I… please just…"

"Alfred." Alfred sniffled as he looked at her and tightened his grip on her hand. "Promise me you'll be happy when I'm gone. I will smite you from heaven if you just wallow in sadness and never move on," she threatened and Alfred gave a choked laugh.

"F-Fine…"

"You promise?" Monika asked with a glaring look.

"I-I promise… I love you Mona."

"I love you too bärchen."

**:/:/:/:/:  
**

Marla turned five in March and Monika had given her a sketchbook for her birthday with a message on the first page. Monika had helped Marla read it and the result had Marla asking if she was really going away. Monika had nodded her head and Marla had hugged and kissed her and told her that it was okay. Marla was a bright girl and her parents told her so that day in the hospital room.

In June, Monika lost her battle to cancer.

Alfred had come to visit with Marla and Ivan, who would be taking Marla for the weekend. Monika had been sleeping when they came, but the slow beep of her heart rate faded to a flat line. Ivan had seen Alfred upset but the moment he witnessed the heart monitor stop he was taken aback by Alfred. The man had frantically tried to get the machine to start back up and called for a nurse constantly. He then tried to wake up Monika but to no avail. The nurses rushed in and tried to resuscitate her, but failed. They turned off the monitor with solemn looks on their faces.

"She's gone, Mr. Jones."

Alfred dropped down to his knees and cried into the bedding covering his wife. Marla stood by with Ivan watching all of this and she looked up to Ivan to ask, "Did mommy leave?"

Ivan could only give a nod and Marla held out her hands to be picked up. Ivan picked her up and held her on his hip. Marla got a good view of her mother then and clung to Ivan tighter.

"She's not coming back?"

"No little one. But it will be okay. She'll always be watching over you."

"That's good."

Ivan nodded and reached forward to touch Alfred's shoulder. The man tensed and looked back ready to fight whoever dared to interrupt him, but once he saw Ivan and Marla he got up and clung to them.

 

* * *

**Translations:**

ma petite fille charmante – my lovely grandchild

bärchen – little bear

**∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ (i forgot 9 & 10 go together so... two updates! for today that is..)**


	10. A Violet in Black

**Chapter 10: A Violet in Black**

The day after Monika's passing Alfred set about making funeral arguments with the help of Monika's parents. Ivan had taken Marla back to Oregon while it was being planned and it was decided that Monika's body would be taken to Oregon to be buried.

The service was held on a sunny day, warm with the promise of a hot summer. The church housed everyone comfortably, all donned in black. Ivan sat up front with Marla by his side, her small hand around his as they listened to Alfred give his eulogy.

"Monika had been the best part of my life. I feel… honored that she… That she even bothered to pay attention to me that day we first meet. Ever since that day I knew I was in love. She was perfect. Her smile, her wit, and the way she could throw a punch when I made her mad." Alfred chuckled at his words along with the guests. "She… was everything to me and when I married her I wished… I wished we never get separated, but… I guess it didn't work out that way." Alfred took a ragged breath as he looked to the side, seeing Monika's open casket.

"I'm so grateful to her, and that I got to spend eight years married to her. I'm grateful for the beautiful and smart daughter we had together. I'm going to miss her, and I don't know how I'll move on… but I will. A few months back she made promise that I would. That I would find someone new to love and right now that seems really hard, but... I will try. Thank you Monika for everything, and to our friends and family who's been there for us. Thank you so much."

Alfred stepped down as people nodded their heads solemnly for him and at that moment Monika's parents, Claus and Mary, took the podium. They gave a speech that entailed Monika's early life and shenanigans, and thanked her for being the light of their lives for 30 years. Once their speech was concluded the preacher stepped forward to have the funeral party move out to the cemetery. At that moment Ivan gave Marla to Arthur and stood up with Matthew, Alfred, and Monika's father to do pole bearer duty. They secured her coffin then hoisted it up and carried it out to the hearse. The procession to the graveyard was quick and quiet and so was the reaming service.

"Are there any last words before we lower the deceased?" the preacher asked and Marla pulled away from Alfred then.

She walked up to the coffin with a violet in her hand, and got as close as possible though Alfred gave a quick, "Not too close, baby." She placed the flower on top of the coffin with the other bouquets then said, "Goodbye mommy. I love you."

She then stepped back to Alfred, who quickly scooped her up as tears came his eyes for the umpteenth time that day. With that no one stepped forward and the coffin was lowered into the ground. Dirt was slowly piled onto the casket, and the funeral was concluded.

All that remained was the dinner, which would be at Ivan's house since it was big enough. Everyone dispersed to head to Ivan's or to just go home, but Alfred, Marla, Ivan, and Monika's parents lingered.

"She really loved you," Mary said, her voice barely above a whisper as she dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. "I really do hope you keep your promise."

"I will," Alfred said softly.

Claus went over to pat him on the back and then Mary kissed and hugged him. They then parted ways and Alfred sighed deeply then looked up at Ivan.

"Thank you… for everything."

Ivan smiled sadly at Alfred and moved a hand to his face to wipe a tear away.

"I'm always here for you, Fredya."

* * *

****Once at the bottom you can dig a little deeper ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

**The next update is in 3 days ^J^**

 


	11. Haunting

**Chapter 11: Haunting**

The days after the funeral seemed unreal to Alfred. Every day that he'd wake up felt like another challenge. It had been years since he slept in a bed by himself, and he missed the warmth that used to be at his side. It was enough sometimes to even make him cry. He couldn't find it in himself to get up for anything on those days. He just wanted to lay there curled up on Monika's side of the bed and rot into it. He didn't want to face the sunlight coming in from closed curtains. He didn't want to deal with the boxes of Monika's belongings.

Alfred thought he could have kept himself together like he did during the funeral planning and ceremony, but he couldn't. He just felt so tired, so damn tired.

"Daddy?"

Alfred opened his eyes, blinked away the tears, but didn't move.

"Daddy you awake?"

Alfred stayed silent, a part of him crying out to make him speak, but another wishing for his daughter to leave. Marla stood her ground however and even climbed up onto the bed and started to poke the covered form of her father.

"Daddy, I'm hungry."

Alfred sighed deeply and sniffled as he rubbed at his face.

"Okay baby, just give me a second okay," Alfred said from under the covers.

"Okay," Marla said happily then climbed off the bed. "Hurry up!" she added before leaving the room.

Alfred pulled off the covers and looked up just in time to see the back of Marla's head turn around the corner.

_'Get up! You have to get up for her!'_

Alfred sat up fully in bed and covered his face with his hands.

_'Get! Up!'_

He pressed his palms to his eyes and took several deep breaths.

"Daaaaaddyyyyyy!" Marla shouted from down the stairs, her patience completely gone.

"I'm comin' Marla! Hold on!" Alfred shouted back hoarsely.

"Okay!"

Alfred could hear Marla run off somewhere into the house and he sighed before moving to get out of bed. He walked to his bathroom to relieve himself, then stared at himself in the mirror as he washed his hands. His hair was everywhere, eyes bloodshot, and bags hung under his eyes. He knew he hadn't slept well since Monika passed, and it was finally starting to show. He sighed and thought about brushing his teeth and shaving his face, but it just wasn't in him to go that far. He wasn't going to work today, had been given two weeks of leave and vacation time since Monika's funeral, so he didn't see a point in putting in the effort.

Instead he moved on, heading out of the bedroom to the stairs in his t-shirt and boxers from the day before. Once on the first floor he could hear the TV on and walked past it to get to the kitchen. There he found Marla standing on a chair trying to climb up onto the counter to open the cereal cabinet.

"Marla, get down from there," Alfred said quickly and Marla jerked out of fright and nearly fell over. Alfred gasped and quickly caught his daughter before she fell then set her on the floor. "Don't ever do that again!" he scolded and Marla just looked at her toes.

"Y-You was takin' so long and I was hungry…" she mumbled.

Alfred sighed and crouched down to Marla's level.

"I'm sorry I took so long. Go sit at the table and I'll make you some eggs and bacon."

Marla instantly perked up and nodded her head obediently before going to the dining table in the next room. Alfred smiled at her then turned around to get breakfast started. He grabbed out supplies and set about making the meal with ease, though as he flipped the bacon he realized for the first time that Monika hadn't yelled at him to do so. He sighed as he recalled the times he nearly ruined a meal until Monika shoved him out of the way and showed him how to do it.

_"You're cooking skills must have come from Arthur."_

Alfred rubbed at his eyes as he recalled the words then took the bacon from the pan.

The rest of the day seemed to drag on and Alfred spent most of it laying on the couch in front of the TV. Marla sat on a small cookie bean bag watching TV from the floor but also pausing to color in her coloring books. Alfred had phoned in lunch and once Marla passed out for a nap Alfred did move from the couch to wash his food down with a few beers. He never really drank much and honestly couldn't remember when he even bought the beer he was drinking, but it didn't matter. It tasted good and felt good. When dinner rolled around Alfred phoned it in and had a few more beers to wash that down.

Marla became curious to her father's actions, never having seen him so unmoving. She crawled over to his face, peeking over the couch cushion.

"What is it, Marla?" Alfred asked as he focused his eyes on her.

Marla grimaced at the smell of beer on Alfred's breath. "You stink. Are you sick?" she asked as she studied Alfred.

"No. Just… tired," Alfred replied and Marla gave a hum.

"You should take a nap," she said.

"I don't feel like it," Alfred countered then stuck out his tongue to make Marla smile.

"You said I always had to take a nap even when I didn' want to," she said in a happy tone as she reached out to try and poke Alfred's tongue.

Alfred gave a huff to her words then moved his tongue around to evade Marla's finger. He made faces that made her giggle as he moved his tongue, then gave up as yawn left him. Marla then yawned after him and Alfred reached forward to drag Marla onto the couch and onto his stomach.

"You are the best daughter ever," he said as he touched Marla's pale blonde hair.

"I know," she said with a smile. "And you are the best daddy ever."

Alfred smiled at hearing that.

_"You're the best husband I could have ever asked for."_

"Are you okay?"

Alfred blinked rapidly then sat up and put Marla on the couch.

"Yeah… I just… need to go the bathroom."

Marla watched curiously as Alfred got up and headed to the bathroom near the laundry room. Alfred turned on the sink and splashed water onto his face to clear his head. He then looked up at the mirror to see his unshaven face staring back.

_"Are you going to become a real bear my bärchen?"_

Alfred shivered as he felt a hand touch his face, burning trails on his skin. He knew there wasn't a hand touching him, but for some reason it felt like there was. He rubbed at his own face with his hands then sighed and left the bathroom.

_'Get it together.'_

Alfred walked back out to the living room and found Marla still on the couch waiting for him.

"Move over squirt. You're takin' up the whole couch."

Marla started to say she wasn't, but Alfred was already starting to sit down on her. She giggled and shrieked as Alfred laid out on her and she barely managed to wiggle free. Alfred smiled at her then proceeded to snatch her up and tickle her. Marla's laughter became so loud Alfred knew it would drown out his own.

"Had enough?"

"YES!" Marla shouted between laughs and Alfred just grinned and let go. Marla laid on the couch panting and smiling then sat up. "Now it's your turn!"

Marla lunged forward to tickle Alfred back and he felt better than he had in days, albeit for a brief moment.

Things eventually calmed down and soon it was time for bed. Alfred got Marla ready for bed and kissed her goodnight, then went to his own room to feel the high of his time with Marla fade away. He crawled into bed and curled up in the sheets and blanket once he removed his glasses. He stared at the darkness unseeing, but then it lit up with a light and the sound of a vibration. It was in that moment Alfred remembered that he had never grabbed his phone when he woke up. He reached over to see who had messaged him and saw it was Ivan. He found himself smiling softly as he opened his tests to see Ivan had left him three messages.

'Good morning' 'How are you doing?' 'Are you at work?'

Alfred felt a bit guilty for never getting to answer Ivan and moved on to see the rest of his notifications. His parents texted him and Matthew as well, all asking how he and Marla were doing. He then checked his social media to see message there too about his and Marla's wellbeing either in simple text or placed over funny pictures. Ivan had even left snaps for him. The first one was a repeat of the first text 'Good morning' but with a sun emoji added. The second was of Sputnik laying in the sun. The third was a picture of blueprints with 2:30pm in the middle of the screen.

_"When I'm gone, I want you to be happy."_

Alfred cursed as he heard this and put his phone back on the nightstand.

"I'm not fuckin' happy. I just want you back. I want _us_ back," Alfred said in the darkness with a frown on his face. "Look at me losing my damn mind and talking to myself."

Alfred rolled over and held the bedding tighter in his hands.

_'Just sleep.'_

It took a while, but Alfred finally managed to fall asleep. He had a dream so vivid he could tasted the chapstick on Monika's lips, could feel her soft hair, could feel her heart fall still.

** :/:/:/:/: **

Alfred came to realize that he couldn't stand his house any longer. He couldn't stand the way he felt, the way he thought, the way he treated Marla. He found himself on more than one occasion just wanting to burn down the house with himself and Marla inside. It was a scary thought that had motivated him to try and pull himself out of whatever hole he was sinking into, but he couldn't. The thoughts plagued his dreams, his memories of Monika surfaced wherever his was. It was worse when he was at home. He thought of moving but he had nowhere to go and no money to do it.

He was tired of crying, tired of feeling so worthless, and shitty. Not even Marla could make him put up some sort of a front anymore.

"Daddy…are you gonna get up now?"

Marla stood before her father's bed with his phone in her hands. A call had come through but Alfred had let it go to voicemail even though she tried to give it to him.

"Marla, go away."

"Daddy… but I'm hungry…" she mumbled.

Alfred curled up tighter under his blankets.

"Baby, Daddy is not feeling well, so go away."

Marla felt her heart race out of anxiousness.

"But, Daddy—"

"Dammit Marla, go away!" Alfred shouted as he sprung up from his covers. "All you do is complain! You ain't the only one hurting so get out!"

Marla froze up where she was and felt tears spring to her eyes. Alfred felt his anger simmer down almost as quickly as it had boiled over.

"F-Fine! I'll go!"

Marla turned and ran out of the room as Alfred tried to call her back. Marla slammed the door to her room and raised her hand to throw the phone she still held in her hands, but stopped as the device rang. She saw the name on it and quickly answered it, having learned the names of her family well.

"Ivan!"

_"Marla? What's going on?"_ Ivan asked voice tense with worry at the crying child.

"C-Can you get me? Please," she begged as tears streamed down her face. "Pleeeaaassseee!"

_"I'm coming,"_ Ivan said firmly. _"Stay out of Alfred's way until I get there. I will call you every 30 minutes to make sure you're okay, got it?"_

"Uh-huh," she croaked out.

_"Good. Get your things together. See you soon."_

"Ok."

Marla hung up and quickly did as told. She grabbed her sleepover bag and stuffed it with clothing and then waited for as long as she could before going outside her room to go the bathroom and find some crackers to eat. She managed to go undetected by her father and slipped back into her room.

The calls came regularly as promised and Ivan eventually arrived, though not soon enough for her liking. Ivan came up to her room quietly, having a spare key to Alfred's home, and knocked on her door softly.

"Marla?"

Marla quickly opened the door and tackled Ivan in a hug. He hugged her back and slipped into her room.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?"

"I'm okay, just really hungry," she said sadly. "I just wanted to eat, but Daddy yelled at me to leave…"

Ivan gave a hum to this then pulled away from Marla.

"You stay here and I will talk to your daddy," Ivan said. "It'll be okay."

Marla nodded her head though she still looked worried. Ivan left her room and walked to Alfred's room silently. He walked through the open door to see Alfred unmoving under his blankets.

"Alfred?" Alfred twitched under his covers. "Alfred, I know you are hurting over Monika, but neglecting Marla is even wor—"

"Don't say it!" Alfred said firmly. "I know what I did and I feel terrible about it. Just take Marla and leave me alone… _please_." Ivan furrowed his brow at hearing the desperation in Alfred's voice. "I'm not fit to be her father anymore."

Ivan stared at Alfred's covered body then moved to sit down beside him. Alfred tensed but didn't move away.

"Alfred… This may sound bad but… This isn't what Monika would have wanted for you. Didn't you promise to be happy? To move on? Don't you think you owe it to her to keep that promise and take care of your daughter? You can't just treat her like this. You can't just lay here all day. You can't just ignore what's around you!"

"I GET IT!" Alfred shouted, which was followed by a choked sob. "I-I get it… I'm the worst. All Marla wanted was food and I… I just hurt so much Ivan." Alfred pressed the blanket to his eyes and Ivan put a hand on his hip for comfort. "I hurt so damn much. I thought I could keep it together for Marla, or at least fake it, but I couldn' keep it up." Alfred sucked in a harsh breath before continuing. "I-I miss Mona so much, but… but I can't stand it anymore. I know what I promised her and I hate that I can't get my fuckin' shit together. Every damn day that I'm in this house I just keep hearing her voice, feeling her touch, and the dreams… _God,_ the dreams!" Alfred broke out into a sob and Ivan rubbed and patted his hip and side. "I just-I just want to burn this house down. I don't want to keep feeling like this."

Ivan felt his heart twist at Alfred's confession and he was glad that he had called. It had been over a week of silence from Alfred and he couldn't take it anymore. He was scared that something terrible had happened, but when Marla picked up he found that he possibly prevented that terrible something.

"Alfred… If you know these things then make a change... Come home with me."

"I can't do that to you. You've already done so fuckin' much for me." Alfred said as he tried to shy away from Ivan's hand.

Ivan took a deep breath and took his hand back.

"I know losing someone is tough. I lost my mother when I was 10, and then lost my grandmother, who took over for my mother, when I was 16. I think you remember that?" Ivan said in a far off voice and Alfred remained silent. "What I'm saying is, it hurts. It hurts a lot and you feel like you can't move on, but really it's just that you don't want to. You feel like you have to keep grieving to keep remembering just to make sure they still existed in the first place. Sometimes you feel like dying yourself so you don't have to feel so terrible or helpless, but it's okay. Things get better and that's what Monika wanted you to do. She wanted you to be happy that she was free from her illness and off to a better place. She wanted you to find someone new to love and make the best of your life and Marla's."

Ivan paused for a moment to see if Alfred had anything to say, but the blonde stayed silent.

"Fredya, you need to move on, and if you need help doing so then I will help you. I'm willing, right here right now, to take you home with me so you can forget about this house. You can start over and I'll be there. Your parents will be there too and I know Matthew will be glad to lend a hand, and all our friends too."

"But the money—"

"Screw the money!" Ivan snapped getting a bit annoyed by Alfred's excuses to reject him. "I have enough, and I'm sure you can find a programming job in Oregon."

"I don't know…"

Ivan frowned as he heard this and moved to straddle Alfred and pull the blankets from his hands. Alfred looked up at Ivan in complete surprise and Ivan looked at Alfred in surprise as well. Alfred had a beard fit for a lumberjack on his face. Dark circles hung under his red eyes and he looked like he hadn't eaten in a while.

"Fredya, if you don't accept my offer then I will drag you out of this house by your fucking beard."

The threat was true and to make Alfred's will break even more he caught sight of Marla standing in the doorway. She looked like she was spying on them and quickly moved back once she noticed Alfred's stare. Alfred looked back up to Ivan and had fresh tears come to his eyes.

"Okay."

Ivan smiled at hearing the answer and moved to hug Alfred tightly who eagerly enjoyed the contact. Once they pulled apart Ivan instructed Alfred take a shower and shave his face. Alfred obeyed and Ivan set about packing Alfred's clothes. When Alfred came out he felt better than before, but not by much.

"Here, put these on then go help Marla pack. We're going to take all your clothes and then clean out your fridge and whatever else before leaving. We can come back for the other stuff later."

Alfred didn't fight Ivan at all and put on the clothing given to him then headed to Marla's room. There he saw her perk up, but then shrink back, which immediately told him she was looking for Ivan. Alfred swallowed a lump in his throat then got down to one knee.

"Marla… I'm sorry for how I acted. I… Ever since mommy left I haven't been myself. I'm sorry I yelled at you and ignored you," he said, the regret clear in his voice. "Can you forgive me, baby girl?"

Marla eyed her father critically then moved from behind her bed to come up to him and hug him tightly.

"It's okay. Mommy's watching us so, you don't have to be sad."

"You're such a good girl."

  


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*****I'm still working on chp. 15 but it looks like I'll be catching up to myself pretty soon :T No matter, it's all good u.u There are 20 chapters and the bulk of the story is already pre written so I'm not sweatin. Thank you all for the reviews and comments. It means a lot to me and I know my editor/friend,** **Tangerine Forget-Me-Not, appreciates not having to deal with my depressed and unmotivated ass XD Next update in 3 days as usual!***


	12. Recovery

**Chapter 12: Recovery**

The move to Ivan's home was not as challenging as either one of them had originally thought. They were able to fit what they could into Ivan's house and the rest thrown in the storage. Monika's things were picked up by her parents and taken care of. Alfred took a guest bedroom while Marla went to her usual room when Ivan would watch over her.

It was late in the evening when Alfred and Marla settled into their rooms. Alfred could hear his daughter laughing and playing with the cat in the hallway and then ask it if Ivan was planning to cook. Alfred swallowed thickly as he heard Marla rush down the stairs with the cat in tow, the bell jingling with each step it took. Alfred wanted to go out there as well, but his guilt wouldn't let him. Sure, Marla forgave him, but that didn't mean he forgave himself.

 _'You are so pathetic. Starving your only child and only getting a move on once Ivan had to come and save your ass. How long do you think he'll want to be around you if you keep this up? You already relied on him too much, and now look at you.'_

Alfred frowned at his feet as he listened to his conscience. It was right, of course—there was no way Ivan could take much more of him. He needed to get a new place as soon as he could, but he'd have to get a new job now that he was living in Oregon. He only had a three days of vacation time left from his current job, and he would need to start find another one in that time. However, at that very moment, he didn't feel like dealing with it. His guilt was weighing on him heavily and all he could bring himself to do was curl up in bed.

 _'Why are you making this harder on yourself?'_

Alfred buried his face in the crisp cool pillow and tried to block out his intruding thoughts.

 _'He's going to come up here and get you eventually. That's what you want, isn't it?'_

"Shut up," Alfred whined to himself and tried to clear his head.

He didn't know how long he was there, but it was long enough that the scent of food wafted into his room. It made his stomach growl and he sighed as he tried to ignore it. Then just minutes later a knock came to his door and Ivan's voice called out to him.

"Alfred, dinner is ready," Ivan said through the door.

Alfred gave no response and Ivan took that as an okay to open the door. Ivan saw Alfred curled up on top of the bedding with a pillow on top of his head. Ivan frowned at the sight and moved over to the bed and sat down on the edge. He didn't say anything, just watched Alfred breath slowly, then moved to lay down on top of him. Alfred shifted onto his stomach so Ivan's weight wouldn't be uncomfortable, but didn't say anything.

"I have a plate of chicken and mushroom risotto for you downstairs between me and Marla. I'd like to drag you down there and force you to eat, but I know you'll come down on your own." Ivan said suddenly.

Alfred stayed quiet and Ivan gave a sigh.

"You don't have to be shy or scared. This house is yours too now, so come down and eat with us. I know Marla would like you too."

Alfred felt like crying at hearing how soft Ivan's voice was and croaked out a simple "Okay."

Ivan smiled at hearing that then got up and headed out the room.

 _'See? Pathetic.'_

Alfred swallowed thickly then sat up. He didn't want to go any further than that, but he managed to force himself off the bed and out of the room. When he got down to the kitchen Ivan and Marla were eating and his plate was set between them untouched. Both of them looked up at Alfred and smiled.

"You can't eat from over there," Ivan said and Marla nodded her head in agreement as she stuffed her face.

Alfred rubbed the back of his neck nervously before walking over and sitting down. The scent of the food was intoxicating, he couldn't remember the last time he had anything that was home cooked. He got enough food to heap on his fork and ate it. He found himself smiling as he ate it and when he swallowed he felt Ivan's hand on his face. Alfred looked to him dumbfounded and watched as Ivan wiped away unknown tears. All Alfred could say was, "Thank you."

 **:/:/:/:/:**

When Alfred woke up the next day it was to the smell of bacon and coffee. He smiled lazily as he inhaled the scent, the smell reminding him of where he was. He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling then traveled his eyes down and around the room. His room carried the same earthy style as the rest of the house, but his was painted a dull yellow. It reminded him of dijon mustard but also a sunflower. He sighed as he looked at the windows of his room, and watched the clouds move over a blue sky.

Alfred felt good. He had slept through the whole night or the first time in a long while and he couldn't recall any sort of nightmare or dream at all.

 _'Maybe things will be okay here.'_ He thought as he sat up and stretched his limbs.

"Daddy…?"

Alfred's good mood was wilted by the voice of his daughter, his mind not letting him forget what he had done.

 _'No, it's okay. It's okay. She forgave you...right?'_

Alfred swallowed thickly as he thought this then forced himself to speak.

"Yes, Marla?"

There was silence on the other end, and Alfred feared that she had ran off, but he was proven wrong when the door opened. Marla stood in her pajamas and peered into the room cautiously, which made Alfred's chest ache.

"Um… Breakfast is ready..." she said in a small voice.

Alfred felt like shit at hearing it.

 _'Look at what you did to her. She's scared of you now. You really believe you're going to be okay? That_ everything _will be okay?'_

Alfred wanted to punch his conscience.

"Marla, come here, please."

Marla looked at Alfred blankly for a while before moving towards him. Marla stood a safe distance from the bed and Alfred took a deep breath before moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Marla, I'm sorry. I know you said you forgave me, but I know you're still afraid of me. I regret everything I said and did to you. I know I'm the worst father ever, but I'm trying to get better."

Marla stared at him as he said this then moved closer.

"I know. Ivan told me you was trying, and he never lies," she said.

Alfred smiled at hearing that and held out his arms for a hug. Marla accepted it and moved forward to get scooped up into a tight hug.

"You're everything to me Marla. I promise you I'll do better."

Marla smiled and hugged her daddy tightly, and at that same moment Ivan stepped in through the door.

"You're a great father just by knowing your mistakes and learning from them."

Alfred looked up to see Ivan smiling at him and Alfred got up from the bed with Marla still in his arms and went to hug Ivan.

"Thank you."

Ivan sighed as he heard this but returned the hug. "You know, you say that too often."

"But it's all I can say." Alfred admitted as he pressed himself more into Ivan. "You've done so much for me, for us, I just—"

"It's okay Fredya," Ivan said and pulled Alfred back and smiled at him. He wanted to kiss away Alfred's pain so badly when he looked at his puffy and red face. Instead he allowed himself to touch Alfred's cheek and smiled more as Alfred leaned into his touch. "Come on, let's go downstairs and eat before the food gets cold."

Alfred felt the need to pout when Ivan took his hand away. He didn't understand it, but Ivan's touch just made him feel so much better.

"Okay."

Marla agreed with Alfred and promptly rattled off what was for breakfast as they went down the stairs.

As the days went by Alfred found his guilt to lessen and his need for Ivan's touch persistent. It was starting to make him worried he was getting clingy, which in turn brought back his thoughts from his first night at Ivan's home. He really didn't want to drive Ivan away, he couldn't handle losing Ivan, not in the slightest. He knew he needed to get his life together and that's what he attempted to do.

His vacation time ended after his third day at Ivan's and that's when he made the phone call to quit his job. However, upon getting a hold of his boss and making his reasons for quitting clear, he was given an offer. It turned out that the company he had been working under had bought out a major programming company in Oregon while he was out. His employer offered to let Alfred transfer to one of their Oregon branches nearest to him since Alfred had become one of his top employees during the time he worked.

Alfred had eagerly accepted the offer and now had a half hour commute from Ivan's home to the downtown area of their city starting next week. Alfred knew he got lucky, but he wasn't going to waste it. He planned to find a home near his parents and brother so that way he wouldn't have to rely on Ivan so much. Alfred knew Ivan worked his ass off to do his job and care for him and Marla, and he didn't want to burden him anymore. All he needed to do was save up for a couple of months and then be on his way.

It was also on this day that Alfred made a call to his family. It had been weeks since he talked to them and he had been ignoring their calls. He knew the conversation would get ugly, but the verbal beat down he got from his fathers' really motivated him to get his shit together. Matthew tried to calm them down and let Alfred get his two cents in, but he also gave him smack for his behavior too.

Ivan wasn't blind to these changes however. He could see that Alfred seemed to eat more each day, smile more, stay out of his room, play with Marla, and even stick to him when he wasn't busy with work. Ivan felt proud to see Alfred slowly coming back to himself, and he hoped things would continue as such—Alfred and Marla living in his home as if they were playing house.

Sure it was a selfish thought on Ivan's part, but he never realized how good it felt to have them there. His house felt warmer, he felt happier, and seeing Alfred by his side just sent his heart into a tizzy. Ivan had tried so hard to keep himself in check, but lately he couldn't stop reaching out for Alfred. He wanted to constantly touch him and hug, to kiss his tears away and heal his wounds. He knew he was setting himself up for failure, but he didn't care. He wasn't dating anyone and he hadn't slept with anyone in months. Alfred and Marla was his priority, and having old feelings resurface with a vengeance at seeing Alfred so vulnerable was just an unfortunate circumstance.

Ivan had always loved Alfred, loved his daughter, his wife, everything—and now he was facing his old love. The love that wanted to possess Alfred, care for him, and makeout with him until they both couldn't breathe. It was a struggle to keep it at bay, but Ivan knew he could never act on it. The little touches he did allow himself was as far as he was going to go.

With that said, Ivan took his hand off of Alfred's hand and backed up from the man internally to go back to his side of the kitchen. The two of them were cooking dinner together and Ivan had been showing Alfred how to stir the sauce needed for the dish.

The silence that came between them was filled with the sounds of cooking, but Alfred soon added his voice.

"So… I called my job today."

"How did it go?" Ivan asked as he wrapped up the meat in cooked cabbage.

"Better than I expected," Alfred said. "It turns out I can still have my job. My company bought out a tech company here in Oregon and one of the branches is just half an hour for here."

"Congratulations, Fredya," Ivan said proudly.

"Yeah, I got lucky," Alfred said with a smile. "I start next week, and once I start to save up enough, I'm going to start looking for my own place." Ivan paused his work, but Alfred didn't notice. "I know you asked me to stay here, but I'm honestly feeling better every day. I know I can't mooch off of you forever," he added with a light laugh.

Ivan was still frozen where he was, but after a minute or two he found himself moving again.

"I see… Well, I don't think you're mooching off of me, but if you want to find a new place, then that's fine."

Alfred had an unsettling feeling worm its way into his chest at hearing this. Something about the way Ivan said this didn't sit well with him. He didn't say anything back, unsure of what he even wanted to say. He just looked back at the sauce now thick as gravy.

Alfred knew he wasn't going to let what Ivan had said stop him from finding a place. He kept up his search, though a bit secretly. He felt like if Ivan knew he was still looking for a place it would hurt him somehow. To be honest, the thought of finally moving out and to a place of his own made Alfred uneasy. He really liked being with Ivan.

 _'You can't stay here and you know it. He has a life of his own. Probably has a girlfriend waiting you out so she can come over.'_

Alfred gave an exasperated sigh as his conscience made another valid point. Alfred shoved away his laptop, tired of looking at apartments and homes near his work. Tired of his own intruding thoughts. He got up from the desk in his room to wander the house, needing to clear his head.

 _'Been here for almost two weeks now… first pay check is this Friday…'_

Alfred found himself mulling over his estimated pay and how long it would take to save up. He'd already thought this over but he couldn't help but go over the numbers again and again. He wanted things to work out and to have no surprises along the way if he could help it.

Alfred found himself heading out back and sitting on the patio. It was July already, the first day of the new month, and the summer heat was well underway. This realization had Alfred taking out his phone to confirm as much, and he stared out into the forest as he said, "Wow… I'm going to be 31…" The sudden realization left Alfred in a daze. He had spent eight years of his life with Monika and six with Marla, and now he only had Marla. The heavy feeling that he felt on the day of Monika's passing settled in his chest and he took a deep breath to calm himself.

 _'Stop thinking about it.'_

With this in mind he deemed himself ready to go back to his search and possibly actually work on his assignment. He needed a dulling distraction and real-estate hunting and working was a great way to go about it. Alfred went back inside and up to his room, but upon going in he found Ivan standing at his desk. The man looked up quickly, knowing full well he had been caught. Alfred looked at him curiously then felt panic come over him as he recalled what he had been looking at.

"What are you doing?" Alfred asked trying to stay calm.

Ivan's look of surprise melted away to irritation and he turned the laptop towards Alfred.

"I came to see if you wanted to go to the park with me and Marla, but I found this instead." Ivan pointed to the apartments on the website Alfred had been looking at. "Alfred, I thought I made it clear that you didn't have to go."

Alfred was speechless for a moment, but he found his voice soon enough.

"Ivan, I know you did but I can't stay here!"

Ivan had a hurt look come to his face briefly.

"Why not? Is there something about it you don't like?" Ivan asked, hoping to God that the problem wasn't him.

"No, no no, that's not it," Alfred said backpedaling. "I like the house, I like being here with you, it's just—"

"—Just what, Alfred?" Ivan asked getting impatient.

"The problem is me, okay!" Ivan looked at Alfred in confusion and Alfred sighed and rubbed his neck. "Look, I appreciate everything you've done for me, for Marla, but I can't stay here. I've relied on you so much and taken up so much of your time. I'm honestly surprised you haven't gotten rid of me yet because you must be tired of me. All I do is mooch off of you and I can't even help pay your bills right now…" Alfred said and looked at Ivan with concern. "I don't want to drive you away because of how I've been lately. I was at my lowest and you wasted your time to drag me back up. You've got a life of your own and I'm fuckin' it up for you!"

"Alfred I did those things because I care about you," Ivan said, feeling his anger lessen. "You are my friend, my _best_ friend! I couldn't just let you fall apart when I could do something—and I'm not doing this out of pity or charity, if that's what you're thinking."

"You say that now," Alfred countered. "But after a month or two goes by you'll regret it. And like I said, you have your own life to deal with. I bet you have some girlfriend waiting to be with you, but you keep forcing yourself to stay here to be with me and Marla! That's why I gotta move out!"

"No," Ivan said sharply and Alfred looked at him like he was crazy. "I have spent years of my life being with you and I know for a fact I could never get tired of you. You could never drive me away Alfred. I want to help you get better, get on your feet. I told you I'm always here for you and I always will be. I want you here with me. I want you and Marla to be with me." Ivan said seriously and Alfred didn't know what to say. "I don't have a girlfriend or anything romantic going on, so you don't have to worry about that. I'm fine as I am. Besides, I know this sounds selfish, but I really want you both to stay here. It's like we're roommates or having a sleepover again. Plus, this house finally feels like a home with you two in it."

"Ivan…" Alfred felt a part of himself feel so relieved at hearing what Ivan said. "Okay, but… You have to let me help pay for things once I get my paychecks," Alfred said firmly.

"That's fine, but… When you want to leave talk to me about it. I don't want you to feel like you're trapped here…" Ivan informed then held out his hand for Alfred to shake.

"It would take a lot for me to feel like that, but okay."

Alfred took Ivan's hand and shook it firmly, then yanked him down into a hug. The larger man was surprised by the strength Alfred had, but calmed down as he enjoyed the embrace.

"Also, if you ever want to bring someone over, just warn me so me and Marla can dip out," Alfred said when he finally pulled back.

Ivan rolled his eyes and Alfred commented that they would get stuck one day.

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****Thanks for the reviews and sticking with me so far!**

 


	13. Moving On

**Chapter 13: Moving On**

After rules were set and bedrooms redecorated, Alfred, Ivan, and Marla managed to live like a real family. They went out to eat occasionally, went on shopping trips to get Marla new clothes since she seemed to be growing like a weed. They went to movie theaters, spent hours at the parks around the city, and even home schooled Marla until she was ready for kindergarten. They even celebrated Alfred's 31st birthday with a homemade cake, decorated by Marla. The event was just between the three of them, and Alfred thoroughly enjoyed it.

Alfred added his own style to Ivan's house making the place even homier—adding posters and pictures, and flooding the front room with his game consoles and movies. Both of their families visited every now and then, and were surprised by how well they were doing. Their friends even stopped by and occasionally babysat for them when they had to be out for work or appointments. Naturally, their friends took it upon themselves to call them Mr. and Mr. Braginsky-Jones, though Gilbert coined Mr. B-J for his own hilarious needs.

The teasing brought back many memories for the gang of friends and Ivan found himself wondering if it might come true. He couldn't help but indulge himself in those thoughts, though he did try to stop. Ivan wasn't going to give in to his wants, and thus took to hanging out at bars. He managed to make one steady fuck buddy after a while and he managed to keep himself in check with Alfred around thanks to that. Alfred on the other hand still couldn't help but be a bit clingy towards Ivan. He didn't bother going out to bars or clubs. He tried to once, but it just didn't do it for him, it didn't feel right, so he left.

Soon Marla turned six, and she became eager for kindergarten to end so she could move up to first grade. She had taken an interest in learning, which lead to Alfred and Ivan getting her more flashcards and workbooks to work on whenever she pleased.

Then when June 1st rolled around it seemed all too soon. Alfred had to double check to make sure he hadn't been deceived by time, because it seemed unreal that Monika had died just a year ago.

The first thing Alfred did was call Monika's parents and see how they were doing. They caught up easily and Alfred asked if they would visiting Monika. Mary said they would once Claus was off work and with that they bid each other goodbye. Alfred then got dressed in a suit and made himself as presentable as possible. He was in the middle of combing his hair when Ivan knocked on his open door.

"Yeah?" Alfred asked not looking up from the mirror on his wall.

"You're going to see her?" Ivan asked as he took note of Alfred's black attire.

Alfred let out a sigh as he gave up on his hair and nodded his head.

"Yeah. I need to get flowers before we go though."

Ivan nodded in understanding as Alfred walked over to his closet to get his shoes.

"Alright, I'll go get Marla so you two can head out."

Alfred paused right then and Ivan looked at him with interest.

"Uh, if it isn't much trouble… could you come with me—I mean, us?" Alfred asked a bit nervously. He thought he had made it clear that the "we" he used before included Ivan, but apparently it wasn't.

"Are you sure? I mean you two could use some alone time…"

"No, it's okay. I—I want you there."

Ivan eyed Alfred critically for a moment then stepped forward to close the gap between them. Alfred felt his heart race a bit at the sudden closeness and at seeing Ivan raise his hand to his hair. The man merely moved the stray hairs Alfred had tried to come back into place then took his hand back.

"Okay. I'll get Marla then get dressed."

Alfred smiled at hearing it and nodded before Ivan left the room.

Once Marla was dressed and Ivan as well, they headed out in Ivan's car to the nearest flower shop. They picked out a bouquet of white lilies and one violet per request of Marla, then headed out to the cemetery. Monika's tombstone was a polished dark stone sticking up in the ground. Alfred bent down to brush away the cut grass and Marla assisted in his efforts. Once done Alfred set down the bouquet and Marla rested the violet on top.

"It's been a year already Monika," Alfred started, emotion easily coming into his voice. "I… I've had a rough time without you, but… I made it. Thanks to Ivan and Marla…" Ivan put a hand on Alfred's back and Alfred leaned into his side. "Uh, things have changed since you've passed. I live with Ivan for the time being and I even have my job from California up here now. Marla started school, and she's so smart—just like you."

"Yup! I got all my math problems right," Marla said happily.

A warm summer breeze came over the group and Alfred felt himself smile from it.

"I miss you," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I'm doing what I promised you."

"I miss you too, Mommy," Marla said softly.

Alfred bit his bottom lip, almost hard enough to draw blood, but stopped when he felt Ivan rubbing gentle circles into his back. Alfred looked up at him as another breeze rolled over them, and smiled. He felt an odd sense of relief wash over him as he stood there with Ivan, and in that moment, he knew life could improve for him and Marla. In that moment, he felt like he was really moving on.

 

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****This one's a bit short, but eh! I got 4 chapters left to write! Probably would have been done by now, but I've been watching Home Improvement for the past 3 days :T**


	14. Wild Card

  **Chapter 14: Wild Card**

 

A hushed curse came from the kitchen as Alfred passed it and he paused mid-step.

"Chert voz'mi. Pochemu eto tak slozhno?"

Alfred knew that angry growling Russian anywhere and headed towards the kitchen. He looked inside to see Ivan sitting at the island with his computer as he drew on scanned blueprints. The man looked ready to chuck his tablet across the kitchen when Alfred made himself known.

"You okay there Vanya?"

Ivan froze instantly then sighed in defeat and put his head in his hands.

"I'm fine. Work is… irritating."

Alfred scoffed at the understatement. He knew Ivan was stressed with more than just work. He didn't know exactly why, but for the past couple of days Ivan seemed to get more irritable and ready to break someone's neck if they looked at him wrong. He had offered to take up more chores and cooking meals so Ivan would relax more but the man always said "I'm fine."

"If you were fine you wouldn't look like you're ready to break something," Alfred said. "Go take a break, okay? Don't need you having a stroke."

"I'm fine. I need to finish this today—"

"And you will, once you spend an hour outside," Alfred ordered and Ivan just glared at him weakly.

"Come on, big guy," he insisted as he pulled on Ivan's arm and hand to make him get up. "You can even blow bubbles while you're out there. Marla left her bubble wand on the patio before she went to Mattie's," he said.

Ivan sighed but let Alfred take him outside. He found himself seated in a chair and given a blue bubble wand.

"Now you relax and I'll make us some sweet ice tea."

Alfred slipped back into the house to make the tea and Ivan found himself staring at the blue tube in his hands. The summer heat was intense, but sitting in the shade of his house made it bearable. The sun was bright, his flower garden was swaying in the wind, and the surrounding trees held the songs of birds. It was peaceful and Ivan felt himself easing out of his sour mood, but it was interrupted when his phone pinged. He pulled the device from his pocket to see the cause of his bad mood.

'Hey baby I got a new bottle of lube with your name on it ;3'

Ivan frowned at his phone and had half a mind to tell his newly acquired boyfriend to fuck off. The man had been his fuck buddy for a little over three months and just recently they decided to make it more than just sex. Ivan honestly liked the man, Allen was funny, a bit childish though it was adorable at times, cocky, could hold his booze, and was a god at oral. Plus he fit Ivan's ideal in looks—tan skin, freckles, reddish-brown hair, and his left eyebrow and tongue were pierced. Ivan liked the idea of keeping Allen around as something more than just an outlet, and eventually asked him out. However, once he did Allen had done a complete 180 in personality. All he did was pester Ivan about going out on dates and having sex at any possible time and place. He was very demanding and extremely clingy, acting like a spoiled brat. If Allen didn't look as hot as he did or was as good at sex like he was, Ivan would have dumped by now. Or that's what Ivan would hope he would do.

"Hey! Stop frownin'!"

Ivan looked up from his phone to see Alfred with two glasses of iced tea. Ivan quickly turned off the screen of his phone and took a glass as Alfred walked onto the patio and took a seat next to him.

"So, you wanna talk about what's bugging ya?" Alfred asked after he took a sip of his tea.

"Not really," Ivan said with a sigh and Alfred just gave a hum.

"That's fine. You'll tell me eventually."

Ivan raised an eyebrow as Alfred gave a cocky grin and reached over to Ivan's lap. Ivan had a minor heart attack thinking Alfred was going to grab his crotch, but instead the blonde took the bubble wand that laid there. When Alfred drew back Ivan wondered if he should cave in to Allen so he could get his mind back in order. Ivan took a long drink of his sweet iced tea as he tried to calm down, but nearly choked when a barrage of bubbles got him in the face. The wet pops were right in his ear and he flinched from the soap splattering onto his face.

Alfred just laughed at Ivan's expense and Ivan set down his drink to grab the bubble wand. He blew bubbles back at Alfred and watched him stick out his tongue and spit as he complained that a few went into his mouth. Ivan chuckled as Alfred suffered then started to blow bubbles out into his backyard. The two fell into silence as they watched the bubbles change color as they went through the air, enjoying their summer afternoon.

By nightfall Ivan's high spirits were brought down as he received a phone call from Allen. He thought to let it ring, but he knew if he did the texts and calls would be endless.

"Hello?"

_"Huh, so you finally answer me."_ Allen said with irritation in his voice. _"Well, are you gonna come fuck me tonight or what? I have a new bottle of lube and a butt plug for you to pull out tonight,"_ Allen informed as his voice became soft and eager.

Ivan could feel his cock twitch from hearing about it and he looked at the time. It was barely passed midnight, but he knew if he went Allen would try to keep him there. He wouldn't put it past the man to handcuff him to the bed to make sure he stayed there all night.

"Okay, but I will have to leave afterwards. I have a meeting with the mayor and a building codes agent at 8 am."

_"Fine, but you have to give me 4 rounds!"_

"Deal."

With that Ivan quickly hung up and got dressed to go out. He then snuck out the house as quietly as possible and headed out to Allen's apartment.

** :/:/:/:/: **

Ivan knew he shouldn't have caved in for Allen that night. It was already three days after that and Ivan was regretting it. The sex had been four fast and rough rounds, and since then Allen had been all over Ivan. The calls and text were endless and Ivan had to just shut off his phone to get some peace and quiet. He liked Allen, but _damn_ he wished he would just back off. When they hadn't been together Allen kept his distance and his mouth shut, but now it was like Ivan had unleashed a clingy trash talking demon.

_'He's more high maintenance than Sputnik.'_

Ivan's eyes followed said cat as he leapt down from the couch Ivan was sitting on and walked out of the library. Ivan rubbed a hand over his face as a sigh escaped him, then got up to leave the room as well. He walked through his house to find it devoid of Marla's usual chatter and remembered that Alfred had taken her to her grandparents. The realization that he was now alone with Alfred made him smile, and he easily found the blonde by the sound of gunshots coming from the front room. Ivan walked in to see Alfred playing a more "child friendly" game by the looks of it and moved to sit beside him.

"What is this?" Ivan asked as he stared at the screen.

"Ratchet and Clank," Alfred said quickly as he started shooting vigorously at a group of alien creatures.

Ivan gave a hum to that and watched Alfred play his game. It was a good distraction from the constant buzzing from his pocket, but not enough of a distraction for him to ignore his doorbell. Ivan got up from the couch, wondering who had come to intrude on his time, and upon opening the door a hand met his face. Ivan let out a curse as he stumbled from the hit, but caught himself, and held onto his cheek. It stung like hell and he felt his eyes tear up, but blinked them away. Ivan then looked to his attacker and saw Allen fuming. The brunette was wearing torn up jeans and a crop top that had "Babe" across the chest, and had a pair of shades resting on his head.

"What the hell?" Ivan said in shock as he straightened up, and unknown to him Alfred was standing a few feet behind him with shock on his face as well.

"That's what I should be asking!" Allen shouted. "I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but you don't fuck with me like this!"

Ivan stared at Allen like he lost his mind. "What are you talking about?!"

"Don't play dumb!" Allen growled and shoved a finger into Ivan's chest. "You told me you wasn't in a relationship, but there's a booster seat in your car and that slut over there pretty much looks like your boyfriend or some shit."

Allen moved his finger to point past Ivan and he whipped his head around to see Alfred there. Ivan felt his panic and anger rise faster than ever and he glared back at Allen.

"What the fuck are you talking about? I don't have any kids, and you're the only boyfriend I have! I've told you this before!"

"Like I fuckin' believe you!" Allen yelled and shoved Ivan hard in his chest, making him fall back on the ground. Ivan went to get up, but Allen prevented him from doing so as he loomed over him. "You've ignored me, ditched me, and I honestly thought it was fine when we were still fuckin' around, but you're supposed to be my boyfriend! You're supposed to do what I say!"

Ivan frowned deeply and shoved Allen back so he could get up. "I am! I met up with you just a few nights ago!"

Allen scoffed at hearing this and folded his arms across his chest as Ivan finally got to his feet.

"No you're not! You didn't stay with me all night, and you sure as fuck ain't my boyfriend anymore!"

Ivan felt sadness crack through his anger as he knew what was coming.

"W-What do you mean?" he asked, hating the whimper in his voice.

"I planned on dumping you anyway if you rejected me when I got up here," Allen stated, "but now it don't matter. I'm leaving you for someone else."

"What?" The words felt like a punch in the gut, and Allen just had a smug look on his face as he looked at Ivan.

"Yeah, he actually acts like a boyfriend! He lacks a bit in sex, which is something I'll honestly miss when I was with you," Allen admitted with a huff and Ivan felt his chest aching.

"How could you do that to me?" Ivan asked his sadness and anger taking hold of him, his voice rising with each word. "I thought we were okay!"

"Well we're not and it's your fault!" Allen shot back. "I've been with him for over a month now and you haven't noticed! I tried to give him up so I could be committed to you, but you just wouldn't do what I wanted! But it's not like you can say shit because you've been fuckin' that _bitch_ , or _somebody_ , since you never found _me_ to be worth your fuckin' time," Allen spat. "I'm sick of it!"

Ivan stood in the doorway dumbstruck by what he just heard and felt his chest ache. He had no idea that Allen had been sleeping with someone else, but he guessed that made sense due to Allen's behavior. If he wasn't getting fucked or fawned over by someone else then Ivan was certain he would have seen Allen's clingy and demanding side sooner.

Ivan didn't know what to say to Allen, which the man figured out and turned to leave. Ivan wanted to cuss him out, punch him in the face, just something to show how pissed he was, but he couldn't seem to move. However, Alfred didn't feel the same hesitation and stormed passed Ivan and up to Allen.

"Hey, fuck face!"

Allen turned around to only see Alfred's fist catch him right in the cheek. Allen lost his balance from the punch and fell back onto the paved driveway. He clutched his cheek instantly and looked up at Alfred with tears in his eyes. "Don't you _ever_ come near here again! Ivan deserves way better than your bitch ass!"

Allen was stunned by Alfred's words, and could only get himself to scramble to his car and drive away as fast as possible. Alfred breathed raggedly as he watched the man go and as he calmed down he could feel the pain in his hand. He looked down to his knuckles—now an angry red—but he ignored it in favor of heading to Ivan.

Ivan was still standing in the doorway looking shocked, and Alfred reached up to his check.

"Hey, you okay big guy?" Alfred asked and he got his answer right away. A stray tear ran down Ivan's bruising face and Alfred felt his chest tighten painfully. "Come on, let me put some ice on that."

Alfred took his hand back to take Ivan's hand and lead him into the house and to the kitchen. Ivan tried to stop his crying as best he could as Alfred made an ice pack for him. He didn't understand why he was crying, sure he had a good reason to, but he didn't think that was it. He knew the break up would happen someday, but maybe he thought things would last longer. Or maybe it was the fact that Alfred had seen everything that made him feel so bad. Whatever it was, it was a combination of things and he felt pathetic.

"I'm sorry that you had to see that…" Ivan said after some time, wanting to cut through the deafening silence.

"It's okay," Alfred said softly and moved to put a damp dishtowel of ice on Ivan's cheek. He hissed from the wet cold, but Alfred kept it on him. "I still care about you even if you like dick." Ivan chuckled at hearing that and Alfred did as well. "Also, I'm sorry that I caused your breakup... I think…"

Ivan looked at Alfred briefly then back down at his feet.

"No, it wasn't your fault. It was mine. I couldn't give him all the attention he wanted even when I tried to…" He let out a heavy sigh before continuing. "I put you and Marla before him, and he dumped me. Honestly, it was bound to happen, though I thought I would be dumping him. He was so clingy and demanding that I could barely keep up with him, let alone stand being with him. The fact that he was seeing someone else while we were still fuck buddies and up until now just proves he's a shit person anyways."

Alfred gave a hum in agreement as he held the ice to Ivan's face. Alfred felt the ache in his chest lessen at hearing those words and he felt oddly happy.

"So… How long have you been…"

"College," Ivan answered, easily picking up what Alfred was implying. "I thought I was gay when I had slept with my roommate the first year. Toris had been great, but after we broke up and I started dating Yao and whoever else came along, I realized I was pansexual…" Ivan said then added, "Nobody knows except for my family, and now you."

Alfred was silent as he listened to this. Ivan didn't dare look up at him. The blonde was thankful that he didn't or else he would have seen the stupid smile that had come to his face briefly.

"Well I won't tell. I got your back," Alfred said then set down the soaking ice pack to cup Ivan's face. Ivan looked Alfred a bit confused and surprised, but didn't move away. He enjoyed the feeling of Alfred's fingers rubbing against his face and soothing the bruise. "You really should try dating better people though. Crazy fuckers like that are no good. Your face looks like shit," Alfred said as he kept his hold on Ivan's face.

Ivan let out a snicker and shook his head.

"I know," he said, a slight grin forming on his lips, "but when you're drunk and end up in a car… things happen."

Alfred dropped his hands from Ivan's face at hearing that and rolled his eyes.

"Wow, more info than I needed to know."

Ivan found himself cracking up at Alfred's reaction, and Alfred found himself laughing with him.

  


* * *

**Translations:**

Chert voz'mi. Pochemu eto tak slozhno? - Damn it. Why must this be so difficult?


	15. Running Away

 

****Sorry for being late! I damn near forgot to post this today cuz I've been busy! Hope yall enjoy it!****

* * *

**Chapter 15: Running Away**

Ivan laid on his front room couch with Marla resting on his chest as they watched TV. Alfred found the sight completely adorable and didn't hesitate to wedge himself onto the couch with them. Ivan didn't bat an eye to this and only moved more onto his side to allow Alfred space. The blonde happily laid down and Marla stretched out on top of them to get comfortable again.

"So, what we watching?"

"Dora re-runs," Ivan replied as he instinctively wrapped an arm around Marla and Alfred to make sure they didn't fall off the couch.

"Sweet, haven't used Spanish since high school," Alfred commented as he relaxed against Ivan's body.

"Spanish is easy Daddy," Marla said in a soft voice as she kept her eyes on the screen.

"Really now?" Alfred questioned and Marla nodded her head.

"Comb es stars, moo ben, and—" Marla cut herself off as she gave a yawn. "—and nyet."

Alfred found himself laughing from Marla's words, making his daughter bounce from the action. Ivan was no better, chuckling alongside Alfred, though Marla ignored them to enjoy the bouncing.

"Ah, little one, that last word was the only correct one, but it was Russian," Ivan pointed out.

"Nice try though baby girl," Alfred said as he ruffled Marla's hair. "One day you'll learn it right."

Marla just gave another yawn in response and Alfred snaked his arms over to Marla to pull her towards him.

"Looks like someone needs a nap."

Marla gave a weak whine before snuggling into Alfred's chest and staying put. Alfred laughed softly and Ivan patted Marla's back before pulling his arm back. Alfred then sat up, with Ivan's assistance, and got off the couch.

"I bet you had all kinds of fun to be this tired," Alfred said as he walked out the room.

Ivan smiled as the man left, then laid back on the couch and sighed. His left side was still warm from Alfred's body and it made him feel content. Ever since the breakup with Allen, Alfred seemed to be reserved for a bit at first, but after a while he came back to being his normal self—hugging, touching, and the like. Ivan didn't mind it at all—in fact, he welcomed it. Having Alfred with him made his breakup seem less heartbreaking than he thought. He didn't go back to dating anyone though. A month had passed since the breakup, but Ivan didn't feel a need to seek out another partner. Alfred was just right for him, so terribly right for him, no matter how he tried to ignore it. Alfred would just brighten up his day by being in the same space as him, which made Ivan question how sane he really was. Alfred wasn't his, but at times he found himself getting too imaginative and then worrying just how much he invested himself into this fake relationship.

Ivan sighed as he closed his eyes, trying to clear his head of his pesky thoughts. Sure enough Alfred stayed in his head and the phantom warmth of Alfred against him was making a comeback. It made him think about how his heart raced when Alfred smiled at him, and how cool his hands would be when he'd touch his face. He found himself slipping off into his memory and imagination.

"Hey, you fallin' asleep too?"

Ivan opened his eyes slowly and saw Alfred getting back onto the couch. Ivan took a deep breath and moved to lay on his side so Alfred could have more space than before.

"No, though I do feel a bit tired," Ivan said and Alfred just smiled at him.

"Well, you did a lot today, and even watched Marla during it all."

Ivan just gave a hum to that as he shut his eyes again, but then opened them as he felt Alfred go to pinch his nose closed. He shot a hand up to prevent him from doing so and Alfred just laughed. Ivan smiled at hearing it and at realizing how close they were. He could feel his mind screaming at him to lean forward, to dare to get closer, but instead he shoved Alfred off the couch.

"Hey! I will fight you!" Alfred said from the floor as he glared up at Ivan.

Ivan just smirked and got up from the couch.

"You and I both know I would win. So there is no point," Ivan said. "Now I'm going to get something to drink, you want—"

At that moment Alfred lunged at Ivan and attacked him from behind. The two fell to the ground and ended up wrestling, but Ivan had been right. He pinned Alfred to the ground and panted above the defeated blonde.

"You can't even beat me when I'm not looking," Ivan said after he caught his breath and smirked.

"I let you win," Alfred countered as he looked up at Ivan.

The blonde found his heart racing faster even though the adrenaline from their fight wore off. He swallowed thickly as he watched Ivan breathing above, then focused on his lips. He saw them move, but what was coming out of them was lost on him. However, his focus was broken when Ivan pulled back and got to his feet, then held out his hand to pull Alfred up. Alfred took the hand and was easily hoisted up.

"You okay?" Ivan asked as he looked at Alfred curiously.

"Huh? Oh, yeah… I'm fine."

Ivan gave a skeptical look but let it be. Alfred felt his face heat up as Ivan went back to his task of going to the kitchen. His heart was still frantic in his chest which made him question himself. Lately he had been doing that a lot, questioning himself when it came to Ivan. The man had a way of making him feel like a teenager again, but also make his stomach fill with butterflies. He didn't get it and as much as he should take the time to not ignore whatever was going on, he couldn't help himself. He just wanted to be in the moment, no thinking and just doing what felt right, though sometimes even that was hard to do.

After Ivan's breakup Alfred had tried to keep to himself, not wanting to drive Ivan crazy with his clinginess, but he couldn't stand it. Being alone with his thoughts rather than Marla or Ivan to distract him was excruciating. He ended up going back to his old ways and thankfully Ivan seemed to be okay with it for now. Alfred just couldn't help but want to hug him, wrestle him, touch him, just something to know the man was still there by his side, plus it made him feel good oddly enough. It made him smile more, have a bit more pep in his step. It didn't make sense, but Alfred could care less, or so he thought.

As the days passed he found himself constantly in Ivan's presences and for some reason whenever they got close he felt his face burn red. He had to suppress shivers whenever Ivan would touch his face, or take deep breaths when it seemed like Ivan was way too close to him. The feeling that Ivan stirred in him was very, _very,_ familiar, but it didn't make sense. Alfred knew he loved Ivan, he was his best friend and had done more for him than he could have ever asked for, but it felt different. With every touch, hug, conversation, laugh, etc… that feeling felt different by the second. Alfred didn't know why until the day he nearly busted his head on the stairs.

Alfred stood on a step stool changing a lightbulb when he suddenly lost his grip on the glass covering. He tried to snatch it out of the air and back into his hands, but lost his balance entirely. He found himself going backwards, but before he could collide with the stairs a hand grabbed his shirt and tugged on him. Alfred found himself being pulled forward and off the stool to land into a strong chest. The glass covering shattered on the floor and Alfred looked up with a racing heart to his savior.

Alfred was speechless to see Ivan looking at him with concern. The way he looked, his violet eyes giving him all his attention and his lips parted to say something but nothing coming forth, the overall closeness was making them both feel a sense of déjà vu. Ivan felt as if his heart would give out when he noticed Alfred seemed to lean in closer, his blue eyes nearly closed, his body screaming for a kiss. Alfred didn't know why he felt so expectant but it felt right, it felt _so_ damn right as he felt Ivan's lips brush his.

_"I want you to be happy."_

Alfred stopped short as this wayward phrase passed through his mind, and realized just what he was about to do and with who. He pulled back like Ivan had caught on fire and Ivan just stared at him in surprise. The two said nothing to each other, just stared, then Alfred opened his mouth to say something, wanting to say something, anything, but shut his mouth and walked as fast as possible to his room. Alfred pressed his back to his door then slid down to the floor with owlish eyes. He was just so taken aback by what he nearly done that he couldn't figure out what to do.

"Oh God… Oh God, oh God, oh God…"

Alfred put his face in his hands as he felt his cheeks start to burn.

"What the _fuck_ was that?!" he asked himself as he tried to calm down.

Alfred couldn't find an answer for the life of him. All he knew was that he almost kissed Ivan, anticipated said kiss, and then had Monika's voice pop into his head. The thought of Monika made his stomach knot, the thought of moving on from her to Ivan made the knot even worse. He couldn't do that to her or Ivan. He was certain that if he found someone else it would have been a woman, or at least that's what he just assumed… Someone for Marla to relate to, to look up to… He wasn't gay… or bi… or anything as far as he knew. Ivan on the other hand, well… He probably was dating someone again… maybe… Besides, Ivan is his best friend and if they had kissed—Alfred felt his frantic thoughts cease as the fact that he and Ivan had kissed came to mind. It was a drunk kiss, sloppy and kind of awkward, but it had felt so…

Alfred bit his bottom lip as he recalled the event and wondered what it had been about. He had kissed back like he needed it and Ivan had held him so close…. Alfred sighed and leaned back to rest his head on the door.

_'Shit, no, just… Stop thinking about it. I love him but not that kind of love, not like how I love Monika.'_

The knot in Alfred's gut disagreed with his thinking, but Alfred ignored it. He knew that whatever was going on shouldn't be and he needed to do something about it before he ruined his friendship again.

Ivan thought Alfred's behavior in the following days was beyond out of character. He had tried hugging Alfred, but it made him draw back like fire appeared between them. He had touched his hand, shoulder, or arm and Alfred would withdraw each time. It was as if the blonde had suddenly become grossed out by the idea of touching and it honestly hurt Ivan. He didn't understand what he did wrong and it was killing him. He couldn't sit on the couch with Alfred without the blonde putting distance between them, couldn't talk to him alone without some sort of space between them. Ivan tried to ask about it a couple of times, but Alfred always weaseled out of talking.

Ivan was really getting tired of the act however. He had grown so used to Alfred plastering himself to his side he felt lonely, so pathetically lonely. Ivan tried to tell himself that Alfred perhaps needed space after the almost-kiss, he understood that much, but after a week of short conversations and seemly massive gaps between their persons, Ivan was done. He needed answers to whatever problem he had caused. He didn't want Alfred to run from him, not now, and even though Ivan told himself it wasn't because he loved him, he knew he was lying to himself.

"We need to talk."

Alfred snapped his head up from his desk as his bedroom door was closed, blocking out the sound of Marla singing down the hall.

"Talk? About what?" Alfred asked as he looked at the door then to Ivan.

"Us," Ivan said then inwardly cringed at the implications. "I mean… For a while now you've just… closed yourself off to me."

"What are you talking about?" Alfred asked confused though he felt panic creeping into his chest.

Ivan had a nervous look cross his face before he forced out, "You've been avoiding me."

"Psh, no I'm not." Alfred said as he put on a crooked grin to mask the increasing panic.

"Yes you are," Ivan confronted. "You haven't been hanging around me lately, and when I try to get near you, you just distance yourself," Ivan stated, trying to keep his cool even though he was hating every word. He hated how he seemed so clingy for Alfred's attention, hated how it felt like they were together—which he knew was far from the truth, and he hated the thought of Alfred figuring that out.

"Look, dude, I'm not avoiding you!" Alfred said trying to come up with something other than the truth. "I'm just… going through some stuff…"

"Then tell me. I can help," Ivan said, growing more concerned by the minute.

"It's not… It's not something you can help with," Alfred said as he swallowed thickly as his panic set in.

"If you're not avoiding me then tell me! You don't know if I could help or not," Ivan shot back.

Alfred averted his gaze from Ivan as those violet eyes became too intense. Ivan was really close to him at his desk and his eyes seemed to burn holes into him, trying to find the truth.

"I-I can't. I don't even understand—"

"Then let me help you understand!" Ivan demanded. "Tell me something, _please_ Alfred!"

"I don't have to tell you anything!" Alfred snapped as he slammed his hand on his desk. "I can't tell you because it is _you_!" Alfred declared then sucked in a harsh breath as he realized what he said.

Ivan gawked at the fear that became plain as day on Alfred's face.

"What do you mean?" he asked as he studied Alfred.

Alfred cursed then got out of his chair to get away from Ivan.

"It's you! I… I don't know what to fuckin' do with myself because of you! Ever since you caught me when I fell off the stool I just keep thinking about that kiss we had at the clu—"

"You remember that?" Ivan asked completely taken off guard. He had thought Alfred had been too wasted to remember that kiss.

"Of course I remembered! Even though I was drunk I couldn't forget it! It felt so good and—" Alfred cut himself then sat down on his bed as a look of defeat and embarrassment came to his face. "I… I shouldn't feel this way! You're my best friend and I've loved… love… Monika… Even though she's gone I shouldn't—" Alfred cut himself off again, this time unsure of what he was trying to say. Ivan stared at him unsure of what to say himself, this was not what he been expecting at all.

"Alfred… it's okay," Ivan started slowly, trying to choose his words carefully. "You're moving on, and feeling something new. I felt the same back in college."

"What?"

Ivan cleared his throat at the question then rubbed his arm nervously. He knew what he was about to say would change things between them, but it was now or never. "The fight that broke up our friendship… was because I liked you…" Ivan admitted and Alfred stared at him completely stunned. "I… I was jealous of Monika because I wanted you, but I couldn't have you. I didn't realize that that was how I felt until I dated Toris in college. I didn't realize that I had fallen in love with you until I tried to replace you with Toris…" Ivan looked at Alfred nervously, his palms sweaty and heart racing. He felt like a stupid kid waiting on a crush to respond, which was pretty much accurate. Alfred just stared at him in silence, face just blank of anything other than shock. "Alfred, say _something_!" Ivan added a bit desperately.

Alfred's stunned expression morphed to one of confusion and nervousness. Alfred's brow furrowed as a crooked grin came to his face.

"No, no this… You gotta be joking!"

Ivan felt his heart stop.

"I'm not!" Ivan stated. "I'm serious Alfred. I loved you and still do!"

Alfred's grin dropped at hearing that.

"What the _fuck_ Ivan? You… I-I can't do this, whatever _this_ is!" Alfred said sounding panicked.

Ivan felt like his world was breaking just like it had in high school.

"A-Alfred—"

"No, Ivan! You can't just—I… Just get out! Please!" Alfred demanded and pointed to the door.

Ivan didn't obey, instead he stepped closer and Alfred told him to get out once more.

"Alfred! Please, I'm sorry if I upset you but you—"

"No! I don't want to hear it!" Alfred shouted and put his hands to his ears. "Get out!"

Ivan felt his throat tighten and the threat of tears coming to his eyes. He licked his lips as he tried to fight the urge to cry and nodded his head.

"Okay, fine…" Ivan went to the door and opened it up, but before he left he said, "I'm sorry that I made you mad, but what I said is the truth… I've been in love with you for a long time, but…. I guess I should have tried harder to keep it buried."

Alfred didn't say anything in response and Ivan left his room. He thought to head to his own room, but the idea of being near Alfred, being in the same space as Alfred, made him feel suffocated. He ended up going downstairs, ignoring Marla's inquiries of why he was crying, as he put on his shoes and headed out to his car. Ivan got into his car and drove off as fast as he could. He didn't have a destination in mind, his brain too jumbled to process a damn thing other than the pain he felt.

He had fucked up. Alfred's reaction had been unexpected, but completely predictable and now he was alone. He had lost Alfred again and it made him smile.

"Way to go. Another four years without him. Or maybe forever!" Ivan grumbled as he drove "Who in their right mind would stay around someone who's been in love with them for years and of the same sex?"

Ivan banged his head on his steering wheel as he sat at a red light. He felt terrible, he felt worse than he did in high school, and he didn't know how he'd bounce back from it. Hell he didn't even know what he was going to do for the rest of the day. The idea of a bar seemed pretty great, drown his sorrows and maybe his life. It was appealing, but instead of making the drive to his favorite spot he found himself going into a residential area. There he pulled up in the driveway of a tall yellow house with a plum minivan sitting out front. He got out of his car to go up to the porch and knock on the door.

It didn't take long for it too open and reveal the face of his older sister. Katyusha took one look at him before pulling him into the house and smothering him in a hug.

"What is wrong Vanya?"

"I told Alfred everything."

Katyusha's hug became tighter, understanding her little brother fully.

** :/:/:/:/:   
**

"So, you told him about Toris and that you loved him?"

"Yes."

"And he got mad at you, so you left?"

"Yeah…"

"I'm so sorry Vanya."

Ivan pressed his palms into his eyes as he tried to fight back the tears that hadn't let up for some time. He had told Katyusha everything with tears streaming down his face and he sick of it. He felt so pathetic.

"I shouldn't have told him…" Ivan said after some time. "I should have just kept it buried, but when he told me he liked our kiss I just… got so hopeful…"

Katyusha rubbed Ivan's back soothingly and he let out a ragged breath.

"Everything will work out Vanya. You two have to cross this bridge and when you do you'll feel better about it. You'll know how Alfred feels once he's ready to talk and you'll know where you two stand. Just give him time. Being told he's been someone's crush for years after losing a wife is a big thing."

Ivan didn't say anything to this, and Katyusha let out a sigh.

"It'll be okay, Vanya," She said softly. "Just spend the night here and then go back tomorrow to get some clothes. You can see how Alfred's doing, and if he's ready to talk then stay, but if not come back here. I'm sure your little nieces and nephews will enjoy your company," Katyusha said with a smile as she got up from Ivan's temporary bed.

Ivan could only agree with her and hope that Alfred wouldn't shut him out of his life. The wait for the next day to come around was painful, but it was more painful to even get out of his car when he got to his home. Alfred's car was missing from his driveway and it only made fear settle into his chest. Ivan slowly made his way up to his home and getting inside it. He found the house to be completely silent and he looked around the house cautiously.

"Alfred...? Marla?"

No response came and Ivan stepped inside. He looked around from the front door, but he could tell he was alone. He went to head upstairs when his eye caught sight of something on his TV screen. He walked up to it and found that a note was taped to it. He pulled it off the screen and read what was written.

'I'm sorry, but I need to go. When I sort things out… I'll text you.'

Ivan felt his tired eyes start to well with tears as he looked at the paper. He found it harder to breathe and look at the note by each passing second, and ended up crumpling the note in his hands. He stumbled to his couch and sat down as he tried to calm down, tried to think clearly, but it was pointless. Alfred was gone and it was his fault, again.

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*****Now that we hit another low point... It. Can. Only. Go. Lower. ;3c**

**Thanks for reading! Reviews Welcomed!**


	16. All Time Low

 

*****Sorry for the wait, but things haven't been the best for me. As some of yall know, I deleted all my fics on Fanfiction.net except for this one and Strength. I dont feel like getting into details, but just know that all future fics will only be on AO3 and Tumblr. Anywho hope yall enjoy the chapter!*****

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**Chapter 16: All Time Low**

Ivan woke up to find himself not alone, and a part of him wished it was Alfred at his side. He turned to find the person he met just a few days ago at the bar. They had blonde hair styled in a bowl cut which was actually a good look for them. They wore glasses and could be pretty wild in bed after a few shots of jäger. This morning marked day three of Eduard's body gracing Ivan's bed and it marked the second week of starting the day off with a bottle of vodka.

Ivan had the bottle resting on his nightstand, a place becoming cluttered with bottles. He drank some of its contents then slouched against his headboard. Eduard was still passed out and naked on top of his bedding. Ivan pulled the covers up and over to cover Eduard then got out of bed himself. He stumbled as he left his room, feeling the booze work on him and the hangover scratching at the back of his head. He headed for the kitchen to feed his cat, but stopped as he stood in front of Alfred's room. He went inside the room to find it in the same state it had been for the past two weeks—empty and clean.

Ivan stared at the room unthinking. He could feel his head buzzing, but the thoughts where a haze. However, his heart was fully functioning. The pain in his chest gradually increased as he stared at the room then walked in and sat on the bed. His throat started to burn as he laid down on the bed and found that no scent lingered on the sheets.

_'What were you hoping for?'_

The thought was so sudden Ivan almost thought someone else was in the room. He took a deep breath to calm down and clutched Alfred's pillow. Ivan knew he had answers to that question, but not the will to deal with it. He didn't want to face his cruel mind so early in the day. He knew he had jumped the gun, knew that he fucked up. Ivan felt so pathetic, even more so when he felt the threat of tears approaching. Here he was, a man in his 30s trying not to cry into a pillow that his crush once slept on, if that didn't scream pathetic Ivan didn't know what would.

"Hey, you okay?"

Ivan tensed hard enough to feel a cramp in his shoulders as he heard Eduard's voice.

"Y-Yeah," he said his voice strained.

Ivan could hear them give a hum then walk over to him. Ivan was about to turn his head out of curiosity but quickly found out what Eduard was doing. Their body was quickly flush against his backside and Ivan could feel that they were still naked. Eduard then leaned down to place kisses on Ivan's neck then sighed and laid their cheek on his back.

"Hey… I got work in a few hours… Wanna do something before I go?"

Ivan felt his gut twist at the offer but then gave a deep sigh.

"Alright, but not here."

Eduard smiled against Ivan's back then got off of him and pulled him up to his feet. They held onto Ivan's hand loosely and lead the way to the bedroom.

** … **

Alfred stared at his bedroom ceiling, eyes tracing over colorful stars that were sticky-tacked above him. He looked at them as if he was waiting for them to reveal an answer to his situation. He didn't know what to do with himself or with Ivan, or his feelings for Monika. He was at a loss.

"Daddy?"

Alfred moved his eyes from the stars to the floor of his room where Marla laid out on the carpet coloring.

"Yes Marla?"

"When are we going back home?" she asked, not looking up from her coloring book.

Alfred felt his chest tighten at the question.

"Uh… I don't know baby… I think… I think we'll have to find a new home," Alfred said slowly.

"Why?" Marla asked still coloring. "I miss Ivan and my stuff is there."

Alfred gave a weak laugh at hearing that then sighed and sat up.

"Marla, things between Ivan and me are… not that good right now."

"Is it because you made him cry?"

Alfred felt a sharp pain flare in his chest at hearing this. Days had passed since that incident and yet hearing about Ivan crying was new to him.

"He was, crying?"

Marla nodded her head then went on to say, "You should say you're sorry for making him cry Daddy. You shouldn't make the people you love cry."

Alfred furrowed his brow in confusion as he ahead this.

"Where'd you get that from?"

"School," she said simply.

"Oh…. Well that is true…" Alfred said slowly.

Marla nodded her head as she smashed the end of her crayon into her book, giving a finish touch to a giraffe.

"Yup and you love Ivan, because Ivan loves you. And you two hug a lot like Grandpa and Papy."

Alfred felt his face heat up in nervous embarrassment at hearing that from his daughter. He had no clue that he had been acting like that, well he kind of did, but he didn't think anything of it. He just liked being close to Ivan, but now… he wasn't sure if that was the true anymore. The thought of being with Ivan always made him happy, but now… He had practically spit on Ivan's feelings and the idea of seeing him made his stomach turn. He was scared to face him, if he was honest with himself. Scared to find out that he had no place in Ivan's life after what he had done.

"Do… do you think Ivan would still like me if I apologized?" Alfred asked his daughter as she stared coloring a new page.

"Yes, and you should probably do it soon," came a sudden voice. Alfred looked up to see his father and papa standing in the doorway.

"I agree. The sooner you leave the sooner me and your father can—"

"Don't you start!" Arthur shouted as he shoved grabby hands off his sides and walked into the room. Francis just smiled playfully and followed after Arthur.

"See, you're like that!" Marla pointed out proudly and Alfred blushed darkly.

"B-Baby girl, can you give us moment?"

Marla frowned slightly, not wanting to leave, but easily gave in and gathered her things. Once she was gone Alfred could feel his parents leaning on either side of his body.

"So, what was that about?" Francis asked in regards to Marla's statement.

Alfred's red faced seemed to get just a bit darker. He thought to lie about it, but he knew it would be pointless. So he took a deep breath and wiggled free of his parents and off the bed.

"I… Marla thinks that me and Ivan love each other…. That we act like... you guys."

"I knew it!" Francis said proudly while Arthur rolled his eyes. "You two probably got into a lovers quarrel and you ran off to your parents for a break!"

"No, no no no! Oh my god," Alfred frantically said. "We don't love each other! Not like that—I think… I don't know!"

Both men looked at Alfred with curiosity.

"What do you mean?" Arthur asked eying his son.

"He… I…"

"Relax Alfred and tell us what happened. You've been here two weeks without saying a thing as to why," Arthur said and Francis agreed.

"Yes I did! I told you we got into a fight."

"We all know that's not all of it," Francis stated and Alfred ran a hand through his hair.

"Fine, fine—Ivan told me he loved me. That he's been in love with me since high school, but he didn't know that until he fucked his roommate in college. Like what the fuck is that about?! And I'm here feeling all weird and all I can say is 'You gotta be joking!' ?"

Francis winced from hearing this and Arthur remained calm.

"Alfred, it's okay—"

"No it's not!" Alfred shouted, cutting off Arthur. "I'm in love with Monika—was… is? Whatever, just, she's still _there_ ," Alfred patted his chest as he said this. "All I keep thinking about is her and how she says to move on. I want to, but not to Ivan! I thought that kiss was a drunk thing, but now—"

"Wait, wait, wait… You two already kissed?" Francis asked surprised.

"Yeah… At my bachelor party… Ivan kissed me and I… I liked it, a lot… but now that he's told me he's loved me for so damn long I don't know what to think about it. Shouldn't I hate the kiss? Shouldn't I hate him? But then I nearly kissed him a few weeks ago! I shouldn't like him, right?"

Arthur and Francis stared at Alfred with large eyes, neither expecting half of what Alfred had said.

"W-Well, it's certain that you both have some feelings for each other," Arthur said after he composed himself and pieced together Alfred's frantic words.

"No we don't, well _I_ don't! I'm not gay or anything," Alfred said.

"Alfred, gay or not, you have feelings for Ivan and you need to face it," Francis said sternly which surprised Arthur and Alfred. "You two have been together since high school, split up for four years, and finally came back together. Ivan has been with you every step of the way since you two made up and I know you're happy with him. After Monika passed I could tell he's changed you. You're happier, brighter, and deep down you know you love him."

"B-But Papa, he's… he's my best friend and Monika—"

"Didn't you _promise_ Monika to move on? To find someone you love and to be happy with?" Arthur interjected, and Alfred just nodded his head in response. "That's right, and now you have this new door for you to go through. Ivan has been in love with you for years and been by your side relentlessly. He's dedicated to you and you are to him. Don't run from this," Arthur finished, voice sincere.

"It's new, it's scary, but it's Ivan," Francis started. "You want to kiss him, hold him, be with him, maybe even make lo—"

"Papa!"

Francis smiled brightly at being cut off, but didn't mind it and continued. "Well you get the picture, but don't you want to do those things?" Francis asked. "Don't stop yourself from doing these things. Monika wanted you to be happy and move on, and she would be happy that that someone is Ivan."

Alfred stared at his parents blankly as he took in their words. His stomach felt like it had butterflies in it and his heart felt like it was being squeezed.

"She… had been the one to get us to talk again… She even had us dance together at the wedding…"

"She knew how important Ivan was to you, maybe not completely, but she knew," Arthur said confidently with a soft smile on his face.

"But, but even if I love him back he wouldn't want anything to do with me now! I practically spit on his feelings!"

"That's what apologizing is for!" Francis declared in a flighty tone, and sprang up from the bed to hug Alfred. "Just talk to him and apologize," he said softly, then pulled Alfred back to look at him. "Everything will work out."

"I-I don't know… What if I don't actually love him—"

"Alfred Francine Kirkland-Bonnefoy-Jones, so help me God I will ground you if you keep doubting yourself like this and not go over there and apologize," Arthur said sternly.

Alfred had a smile come across his face at the threat and moved to drag his father into the hug.

"Ok, I'll go."


	17. I Could Be With You

**Chapter 17: I Could Be With You**

Alfred sat in his car, his whole body stiff as a board, sweaty palms unyielding on the steering wheel. He had spent the rest of yesterday thinking about how he felt about Ivan and Monika. He still felt like he should still be dedicated to Monika, but Ivan… Ivan was there. Ivan had always been there, and god, did he want him. He didn't understand how he could want someone so badly, especially after Monika, but he wrote it off as to moving on.

Alfred let out a snort at thinking that—moving on—it seemed so stupid and so unachievable, and yet here he was, sitting in front of Ivan's house, freaking out. He had thought it through over and over and over, and kept coming back to the same result: Ivan was perfect for him. He knew he needed to make things right, he needed to face Ivan again, he needed to confess.

_'Just apologize and it'll be okay,'_ Alfred thought as he took a deep breath. "You got this," he said to himself.

Alfred got out of his car and walked up to the house. He knocked on the door to get no reply then tried the doorbell. Silence was all that greeted him and he worried that Ivan had really gone out.

"Well… I'll just let myself in," Alfred muttered under his breath as he fished out the spare key from his pocket.

The door unlocked and Alfred stepped inside, but froze in the doorway. The house was dark and silent, only the windows provided any light, casting warm afternoon sunlight across the room. The front room was a mess: bottles glinted in the sunlight, trash covered the floor, and other odds and ends littered the house. Alfred swallowed thickly as a sense of dread settled into his chest.

"I-Ivan?" he called out as he started to walk into the house.

The sound of something clattering to the floor got Alfred's attention instantly. Ivan, or whoever was in the house, had been startled by his voice.

"Ivan?" Alfred called again as he shut the front door and quickly walked to the kitchen. Alfred took note of how much clutter was around and how a majority of it was empty bottles.

"Go away!"

Alfred stopped where he was, right at the entry way for the kitchen.

"Ivan, it's me. Alfred."

Alfred looked around the kitchen from where he stood to find the same clutter lying about on the counters and floors.

"Go away, _please_!"

Alfred frowned as he heard this and stepped into the kitchen. He walked around the kitchen island to find Ivan sitting on the floor looking miserable. The man had bags under his eyes, unkempt hair, and the makings of a beard on his jaw.

"Ivan—"

"Alfred go!"

"I'm not leaving!"

Ivan turned his back to Alfred, who just frowned at him as he crouched down.

"Ivan," he began, "I came here to apologize. Even if you don't look at me, please just listen to me."

Ivan didn't say anything and Alfred took that as a sign to continue. A part of Ivan felt hopefully, but a larger part said he was kidding himself.

"Ivan… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I was just so caught off guard and confused with my own self when you said that, that I just said the first thing that came to my mouth," Alfred confessed. "I've thought about it for a while now and I… I want to come back. I want to live here with you."

There was silence between them and Alfred felt fear gnawing at his heart.

"What are you talking about?" Ivan questioned gruffly, back still to Alfred.

"What I'm saying is… I'm sorry for being a douche and... I love you. I _really_ love you."

Ivan turned slightly to look at Alfred with disbelief written all over his face.

"You don't mean that."

Alfred furrowed his brow at how cut and dry Ivan's words where.

"Ivan, I mean it. I'm in love with you," Alfred said, sounding a bit desperate.

"No, you don't," Ivan said and Alfred frowned at him. "You just think you love me because you feel bad. You're not like me, or gay, or anything, and there's no way you're just going to get on board with this."

"What the fuck?"

"I'm just stating the reality of this Alfred. You don't love me, and I'm fine with that. I've lived this long without saying anything, and now that you know how I feel I can just move on. Eduard is waiting for me, so everything's fine."

"What the fuck you mean move on? And who the fuck is Eduard?"

Ivan sighed as he felt a dull pain in his chest as Alfred glared at him. He didn't like how things were going, but he needed to break whatever delusion Alfred had made for himself. It was bad enough that he had confessed and Ivan didn't want to get hurt any further by Alfred trying to push for something that wasn't real.

"Eduard is the person I'm seeing… kind of… it's complicated, but they helped me put things into perspective. You'll never return my feelings, no matter how much you say you do. You can't just sit here and say you love me. Have you even considered what that even means?" Ivan questioned getting a little annoyed. "It means kissing, sex, being romantic, and I highly doubt you can do any of that."

Alfred saw red when he heard this and before either one of them could blink, Alfred brought an open hand down on Ivan's face. Ivan was easily knocked over from the force and the grip on the bottle he had was lost. The booze spilled out onto the floor and Ivan held his cheek in shock.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but this is insane! You're drunk and not thinking right! I don't give two shits for this Eduard or this other shit! I'm here to tell you that I love you damn it and I'll do anything! It's real and right now it fuckin hurts! I've spent these past weeks agonizing over what I've done to you, and what I want to do to you, and now I've finally got it together and you fuckin—

Alfred paused as sob escaped him. Ivan stared up at him in shock.

"My reality, Ivan, is me and you together. Me and you raising Marla. Me and you in this house until we die of old age. I'm not running anymore and I'm not leaving you until you realize how I feel!"

Ivan didn't say anything but he straightened up, then got to his feet. Alfred followed suit and stood in front of Ivan.

"Alfred, don't tease me," Ivan said in a tired voice that seemed to waver. Alfred could see Ivan's violet eyes looked on the verge of tears. "I've loved you for so long and I finally accepted that you would never feel the same."

"I'm not teasing you," Alfred said softly, raising a hand up to Ivan's bruised face. Ivan grabbed his hand not letting it touch him, but Alfred kept reaching for him. They stared each other down for a while in their silent fight and Ivan gave in, letting Alfred's hand touch the spot it struck. Ivan stood still under his touch and Alfred placed his other hand on his face as well. He caressed his light beard, tired features, and the hand shaped bruise. Alfred then stepped closer as he ran a hand to the back of Ivan's head, bringing it down with a gentle push. When their foreheads touched Ivan let out a soft, "Don't."

"I'm not teasing. I made a promise that I would find happiness with someone I love. I've been ignoring the fact that I had found that someone for far too long."

"Fredya… I—"

"Vanya, it's okay. We're moving on, and feeling something new."

Ivan found himself smiling softly at those words and allowed himself to lean his head inward. He reached up to place a hand on Alfred's face as the blonde leaned in as well. Their lips brushed, but neither dared to move just yet.

"Do you love me?" Alfred whispered.

"Yes." Ivan answered softly. "Do you love me?"

"God, yes."

Ivan allowed himself to smile then, and Alfred lunged forward and closed the gap between them. Ivan was knocked back a bit, but was able to steady himself as he held onto Alfred. The two kissed each other desperately, lips eagerly moving against each other, needy and hot. Neither could get enough and Ivan held Alfred so close that Alfred could feel his back hurting, but he didn't mind. He wanted Ivan to know how much he loved him and that his feelings were real.

Both of them felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off of them as they made out. The kiss was so deep and hungry that it reminded them both of their kiss at the party.

"Oh _god_ , Ivan."

Alfred broke away from the kisses to get much needed air, but Ivan kept going. He kissed Alfred all over his face, not leaving anything untouched, but stopped when he felt something wet on Alfred's face. He looked to see the blonde crying before him and he felt his heart freeze up.

"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't—"

"No, no, I'm just… I'm happy," Alfred said as he rubbed at his face. "I had been so afraid of this moment, but now… I just… I feel so good with you," Alfred said with a smile on his face.

Ivan smiled back and moved to kiss away Alfred's tears.

"I feel the same."

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*****Only 3 (or 2) chapters left! Thanks for the reviews so far, they've been a big help!**

 


	18. First Time

***Fixed this chp!***

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**Chapter 18: First Time**

 

Alfred woke up with a smile on his face and his heart racing as he saw Ivan beside him. The way Ivan looked in his sleep had a certain way of making him smile until it hurt, of making him feel almost giddy. When they had first started sleeping in the same bed, it had been awkward for both of them. They had tried to treat it like a sleepover from years past, but after some awkward restless movements, Alfred couldn't help but point out how gay they were back in school for doing the things they did. That had been the icebreaker, the starting point, for many things for them.

They started to become more at ease with their new relationship, becoming more relaxed with showing romantic affection—kissing, going out, etc. The dates started out with teenage levels of awkward, but gradually became more enjoyable. They shopped at stores, walked through parks, took Marla out on "family" outings, they kissed anywhere and everywhere. Alfred had become comfortable with that last part only recently, but he enjoyed it. He loved how Ivan hadn't pressured him into anything, although Ivan did give him a bit of a nudge into putting their relationship out there. Telling their families and friends hadn't been as scary as Alfred thought and he was happy that Ivan had coaxed him into telling them.

Their relationship seemed to be going pretty well for the both of them, but there was one area that things seemed to be lacking. Touching was kind of a calculated move for both of them, and sexual affection was not something they could show so easily. Alfred was worried he wouldn't be ready or able to, not only because he was a virgin in that area, but also because he hadn't had sex with anyone since Monika's death. There was a lot of meaning behind having sex with Ivan for him; it showed how far he was willing to go, how much he had moved on, and just how much trust and love he had for Ivan.

Ivan had the same reasons Alfred did for not wanting to go too far too fast with their relationship, but to add to it, he was worried things would change. He didn't want Alfred to distant himself from him if his experience was horrible, or things become awkward between them. He wanted Alfred to be ready when he was ready, Ivan didn't want to push, pursued, or anything. He respected Alfred and he would wait for as long as Alfred needed him too, and as long as it would take himself to get confident about it. Until then dates remained PG-13, like they had been for a year now.

Alfred took a deep breath as he thought about this. Wondering when he would allow himself to push forward, allow himself to enjoy in the finer sides of their relationship. Alfred took another deep breath as he stretched, bunching the covers to his side, then rolled over to lay on Ivan's chest and the covers, watching the man up close as he slept. He eyed the way Ivan's shaggy hair went in every direction, his pale lashes resting against his cheeks, his pink lips in the faintest smile. Alfred smiled at seeing it and wondered how a guy like him could end up with someone like Ivan.

_'God, I'm so cheesy,'_ Alfred thought as he felt himself blushing.

Even though it was a cheesy question it was a legitimate one. Ivan had seen Alfred at his best and worst and after everything they went through, Ivan still chose him, still wanted him. Alfred felt like he was on cloud 9 as he stared at Ivan, but then had to bury his face in Ivan's chest as he got overwhelmed by his thoughts. When he finally calmed down he looked back up at Ivan, still sleeping, then licked his lips before leaning forward and kissing Ivan softly. He kissed Ivan chastely over and over, and smiled as he felt the change in Ivan's breathing. Ivan's eyes eventually opened to show hazy violets and his faint smile became broader.

"Good morning, dorogoy."

"Mornin', big guy."

Alfred leaned in for another set of kisses and Ivan participated as much as he could. Ivan still felt the tug of sleep so his kisses were lazy, but Alfred fixed that by moving his folded arms off of Ivan's chest to brace himself on the bed and push up. He got more level with Ivan and started to kiss more deeply, using tongue. Ivan quickly found himself becoming more alert and wrapped his arms around Alfred as they kissed. Ivan rolled them over, putting Alfred on his back as he laid on top of him, the bedding still separating them. Alfred felt his heart racing at having Ivan on top and moved his arms to hug Ivan close to him as they made out.

Both of them were starting to really get into the kisses. Alfred practically shoved his tongue down Ivan's throat, which had the man groaning. Ivan could feel himself getting hard from their kisses and lifted his lower half so Alfred wouldn't feel it. Alfred could feel his own cock stiffen as well and angled his hips to avoid touching Ivan.

"God, Ivan…" Alfred panted as Ivan started to kiss his neck.

Alfred licked his lips and shivered as Ivan moved a hand to rub his chest. Alfred could feel his cock twitch in his boxer briefs and groaned as Ivan came back up to kiss his lips. The kiss was searing and loving, enough to make them both want more of each other. These moments always tested them, urging them to go farther, but neither of them ever had the confidence to do so—until now.

"L-Let's do it," Alfred said as the kiss ended.

"What?" Ivan asked, caught off guard.

Alfred felt his face heat up at the question and found himself unable to look at Ivan.

"W-What? Did I say something weird?" Alfred asked nervously trying to find a way out.

"Well, no, but…We haven't even… touched each other and—"

"Look, forget what I said," Alfred said quickly, embarrassment and nervousness getting to him. "I was just caught up in the moment."

Ivan eyed the way Alfred was blushing, knowing that something bigger was going on. He wanted to know, but he didn't get his chance when the bedroom door swung open and a loud little voice said: "I'M HUNGRY!"

Alfred and Ivan sighed at the intrusion and turned to look at Marla waiting for them.

"Marla, how many times have I told you to knock?!" Alfred said as he sat up.

"You weren't doing anything!" Marla defended.

Ivan gave a snort to that comment as he moved away and Alfred smacked him in the arm.

"We could have been!" Alfred retorted, more to Ivan than Marla. "Well… maybe… I don't know, but that's beside the point!" Alfred said as he grabbed a pair of basketball shorts off the floor. He slipped them on as he sat on the bed then got up and went to the door. "Come on, I'll get you food and reeducate you on privacy and manners."

Marla pouted at hearing this, but followed her daddy out of the room and downstairs. Ivan remained on the bed and sighed as he laid back. He stared at the ceiling as his lower half calmed down, but his mind was far from blank.

_'We could have been doing something… I wonder if he does want to go that far, but we haven't even touched each other yet…'_

Ivan pondered his options and found that Alfred did seem more comfortable and open with getting romantic. He could say the same for himself too, and now that sex was possibly an opening door… Ivan sighed as he felt his cock twitch a bit, his mind trying to get sidetrack. Luckily his thoughts were completely put on hold as his phone rang. Ivan sat up and pulled his phone from its charger to see a number he didn't recognize. He answered it anyways and as he listened to the person on the other line a smile came to his face.

** :/:/:/: **

"So you finally came down," Alfred said from the dining table eating breakfast. "Thought you died up there."

"Far from it," Ivan said with a smile on his face, which got Alfred's attention.

"Your food's cold, so you gotta heat it up," Marla informed as Ivan got to the table.

Ivan nodded and went about heating up his plate all the while smiling. When he sat down at the table Alfred eyed him suspiciously as he ate with a smile still on his face.

"Okay what the fu—udge gives!" Alfred said, covering up his curse not so smoothly. "You've been smiling like a creep ever since you got down here."

Ivan's smile seemed to get bigger then.

"I got a phone call from a restaurant," he said simply as he took up his fork.

"Okay…. They want you to remodel it for them?" Alfred asked.

"No, I had made a reservation there months ago and they called to see if it was still on."

Alfred looked at Ivan completely lost.

"Why do you have a reservation?" he asked, suspicious. "You know Marla can't act right in those fancy places."

"Yes I can!" Marla said indignantly. "I've been practicing!" She demonstrated her good manners by neatly wiping her mouth with paper towel.

Ivan just let out a soft laugh and shook his head. "No, this is for us," he said. "Do you know what day it is?"

"Uhhh…. Thursday?"

Ivan rolled his eyes and went on to explain.

"It's Friday Alfred, and today is our one year anniversary. We've been together for a complete year."

Alfred stared at Ivan blankly as he took in the information then slapped a hand to his face.

"Shit."

"Oooo Daddy said a bad—"

"Shut it! I meant to say 'Crap!' Honest!" Alfred said quickly and Marla just gave him a smug look. "Eat your food and let grown folks talk!"

Marla giggled at hearing the command, but went back to her breakfast.

"So you forgot," Ivan inquired and Alfred nodded his head.

"Sorry, I've been so busy and completely spaced it."

"It's alright, I forgot too, but at least past me was able to think ahead," Ivan said with a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah," Alfred said as he rolled his eyes. "But okay, so we're having dinner. When and where?"

"It's called Crystal, and it is formal attire only. We'll need to be there at 7 tonight."

Alfred stared at Ivan blankly as he tried to recall such a place in memory, but came up with nothing.

"Okay… Well, I'll have to see if anyone can watch Marla."

"Ooo can Aunt Eliza do it?! Please? Please, please!?" Marla begged as she looked at Ivan and Alfred.

"Okay, but you better have a backup person in case she can't make it," Alfred said and Marla just smiled brightly.

** :/:/:/: **

After calling Eliza and trying to convince her to not blow off her plans to babysit and failing, Alfred and Ivan were free for the night. Marla was wrapped around Eliza's finger, which meant less trouble for Alfred and Ivan as they left home.

The drive to the restaurant took almost an hour since it was a Friday night and downtown. Once they had arrived Alfred was blown away at what they pulled up to. Ivan got out and then opened the door for Alfred, having forced him to wait, then a vale took the car. The building was massive and screamed rich elegance.

"Ivan, I know you have money but are you really gonna blow your life savings on one date?" Alfred whispered as they entered the building.

"Don't worry Fredya. I've been here before," Ivan said calmly then gave the host his name.

"What? With who? You better not be cheating on me," Alfred whispered in a hiss and Ivan just laughed.

"No, for business. Sometimes you have to wine and dine a customer to get a contract," Ivan said with a smile on his face.

Alfred just gave a skeptical hum, but let it be. The two found themselves seated by windows on the first floor in a somewhat secluded table. The moment they were seated their waiter appeared out of thin air gave them drink menus, took their orders and then disappeared.

"I bet that dude's The Flash part-time," Alfred said as he watched them zip around the dining room.

Ivan just rolled his eyes then focused on how Alfred took in the restaurant. He had thought Alfred would love the place in the past and he was right. Though the true test was when the food would come out, but that would be some time. The waiter soon returned to give them their wine and water, then left them with their food menus. Alfred gawked at the items listed.

"Good god, I think I'm actually afraid to eat here," Alfred said with shock on his face.

Ivan chuckled and looked over his menu.

"Anything's fine, Fredya. Money isn't an issue."

"Well thanks sugar daddy," Alfred said with a grin as Ivan's face became red. "Anyway, I'm honestly just afraid that whatever I get won't be fully cooked, dead, or be worth it."

"Just pick something," Ivan laughed as he glanced down at the menu. "They have a steak section, which is something you like."

Alfred hummed as he scanned over the section then picked something that looked safe. The waiter appeared right as Ivan set down his menu, having picked an item himself. With orders taken and drinks topped off, the two waited for their meal.

"Soo… Happy anniversary," Alfred said as he swirled his wine glass.

"Hard to believe we've been a couple for a year," Ivan commented and Alfred nodded his head.

"Yeah, feels longer than that," Alfred said fondly.

Ivan nodded his head in agreement then proceeded to ask Alfred about his work. The two filled in their wait time with mindless chatter, typical of any date. Food was soon brought out and Alfred had to restrain himself from scarfing his steak down once he tasted how good it was. Dinner was mostly silent, idle comments on the food only made, it was comfortable and relaxing. When dessert was brought out Ivan had to fend off his cake from Alfred's greedy hands.

"If you eat any more you're going to go into a coma," Ivan said and Alfred just rolled his eyes.

"Whatever Mr. Stingy," Alfred teased as he ate his own cake.

"I'm not stingy," Ivan retorted. "I took you to this restaurant and afterwards I will take you to the movies."

"Ooooh, going all out are we?" Alfred mocked but had a smile on his face.

"Yes and then we'll go home and make out on the nearest surface," Ivan said casually though a smirk came to his lips.

Alfred felt his face heat up at hearing that and went on to say, "Well damn Vanya, you know how to show a guy a good time."

Ivan found himself laughing in response, and Alfred couldn't help but join him.

Once the dessert was finished and the meal and waiter paid, they headed to the movies. They watched whatever seemed of interest and made out whenever things got boring. By the time the credits were rolling they had missed a majority of the movie and both where a little more than eager to get home. Ivan practically floored it all the way home, and Alfred was no better. He speed walked up to the house and unlocked the door as quickly as his fidgety hands would allow. Ivan was close behind and once the door was closed they giggled as they kissed and took off their suit jackets, toed off shoes, undid ties, and a couple shirt buttons. Ivan set Alfred up on an end table near the front door and kissed him hungrily. He wanted so badly to make love to Alfred right then and there. He felt so eager to please, so confident in how things would play out, it was honestly all he could think about during the movie. He just hoped that Alfred felt the same.

"W-Wait, wait, Ivan."

Ivan resisted the urge to ignore Alfred and pulled back, giving the man space.

"Sorry."

"No, no, just… I want to do it," Alfred said and Ivan gawked at him. "I want to have sex with you."

"Are... are you sure? I mean… I thought you might, but—"

"I know, I know, but we've been together for a year now, and not once have we gone beyond making out!" Alfred stated. "I want you and I know I'm ready for it."

"Alfred…" Ivan paused as he stared at Alfred, trying to find something like hesitation, but found nothing. "Do you even know how it works?"

"Well, duh," Alfred said as he smiled at Ivan. "I did some research. Though I'm a still a little… nervous about going through it. I mean, I've only seen your dick when we're in the bathroom together, but it seems pretty big as is."

Ivan felt his face heat up at the comment, then let out a sigh and rested his head on Alfred's shoulder. He moved his arms to hug Alfred to him and Alfred rubbed his back in return.

"Okay… but if we do this, you have to promise me a few things," Ivan requested.

"Okay," Alfred said, a little confused but willing to hear the man out.

"I want you to promise me that if it hurts or you're uncomfortable and you want to stop, you will tell me," Ivan started and looked dead in Alfred's eyes. "I don't want you to feel pressured into going through with this just because I want to do it."

"Ivan, you're not pressuring me, but okay. I promise," Alfred said, his blushing face getting even redder.

"I want you to promise me that nothing will change after this."

"…Okay?"

"Alfred I'm being serious here," Ivan stated as he looked up at Alfred. "Doing this is a big thing for both of us and it can ruin this relationship or make it better."

"I know, I get it!" Alfred said a bit short then let out a heavy sigh. "I get it… I just... I knew I was worried about how much this would change for me. I mean you're gonna be my first and my second after Monika… And I just… never thought you worried about the same stuff I did..."

"Of course I worry," Ivan started as he squeezed one of Alfred's hands. "I understand how this is going to change us, and I want you to be comfortable with it. I love you Alfred and I don't want you to regret this."

"I won't regret it," Alfred said sternly as he squeezed Ivan's hand back. "I love you and I'm ready for this, besides, you might get bored with me if we keep avoiding this and run off with someone else," Alfred said half serious, a grin stretching across his face.

Ivan rolled his eyes and leaned forward to rest his head on Alfred's.

"I would never run off with someone else. I've been chasing you for years and I'm not going to let you go."

With that Ivan leaned up to kiss Alfred, then pulled back to set him on the ground. He took Alfred's hand and led him upstairs to their bedroom. Once inside Alfred sat on the bed and Ivan stripped him of his clothes. Alfred felt like his heart would burst as Ivan took off layer after layer of his clothing, and his breath hitched as Ivan tugged on his underwear. Ivan pulled on it gently and Alfred blushed as he felt his cock twitch. Ivan found himself getting turned on more quickly than ever at the sight of it and enjoyed watching Alfred's cock stiffen as the underwear came off.

Once it was off, Ivan got his first good look at Alfred fully naked, and it was perfect. Alfred's tan skin was almost an even tone, his arms and legs just a shade darker. His muscles were defined and a bit of chub clung to his abdomen and hips. His thighs were plush and his cock was tall. The foreskin was pulled back under the head showing off the red tip and to Ivan's surprise Alfred had shaved. It wasn't smooth but the new growth was low and soft to the touch. Alfred tensed from the sudden hand on him and Ivan took his hand back for a moment and looked at Alfred to gage his reactions. He then put his hands on Alfred's thighs, just feeling them under his palms and gently eased up to Alfred's cock. He had them resting around the base of Alfred's cock and balls then leaned forward to place a kiss on it. Alfred twitched from the kiss and stared down at Ivan to watch him place more kisses on his erection.

"Does it feel good?" Ivan asked between kisses.

Alfred felt like his heart was ready to burst as Ivan looked up at him. The man had his face buried into the base of his cock as he left kisses and hickies.

"I-I'm gonna die if you keep lookin' at me like that," Alfred admitted, his voice wavering as his cock twitched.

"Then take off your glasses Fredya," Ivan said with a smile.

Alfred shook his head then added, "No, I want to see you."

Ivan's smile grew wider, then he moved his lips to latch onto Alfred's cock. He pressed his tongue to the underside of it and slid his tongue upwards and over the tip. Alfred gasped and his cock twitched again as Ivan wrapped his hand around it and started to wiggle his tongue around the head. Alfred's moans and strained _'oh god'_ _s_ filled the room as Ivan lavished the tip of his cock. The man dipped his tongue under the foreskin and ran his tongue along it before pulling his tongue back and taking more of Alfred in.

"Shit!"

Alfred bit his lip and arched his back as Ivan started to suck him off. His fingers dug into the bedding and the pillow he was resting on as Ivan took every inch of him. Never in his life did he think he'd get sucked off by Ivan, let alone a man, but it felt _so_ _damn_ _good_. He lost himself in the pleasure easily, moaning and calling out for Ivan, but he came to his senses quickly when he felt a finger pressing against his ass. He choked on a moan as he felt a wet finger rubbing his hole and pressing inward gently. It felt odd in a sort of good way and that feeling persisted as he felt Ivan push his finger inside. Ivan noticed how quite Alfred seemed to become and opened his eyes to see the blonde staring at the ceiling with a curious look on his face. Ivan pulled off of Alfred and rubbed his thigh gently.

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

"N-No, it's just…. weird," Alfred replied.

"It will get better," Ivan assured. "Just stay relaxed."

Alfred nodded his head and took a deep breath as he felt Ivan start to work in a second finger. Alfred winced from the addition, the digits were drier than before and their stretching was uncomfortable.

"I-Ivan… use more lube, please," Alfred said through a hiss.

"Alright, hand it to me," Ivan said and Alfred deftly reached to his nightstand to open the drawer. He pulled out a half empty bottle and was about to hand it to Ivan when he realized something.

"Wait… this whole time you weren't using lube? How the fuck you get it in?" Alfred questioned.

"Spit," Ivan said simply then reached over and snatched the bottle from Alfred's hands. The blonde cringed at hearing that, but before he could even start to scold Ivan, Ivan removed his fingers. Alfred shivered as he felt empty, but it didn't last as Ivan's fingers returned coated in lube. Alfred jerked and cursed as the fingers slid in with ease and Ivan started to open him up. It was a gentle, but thorough process that had Alfred moaning and his cock twitching. Ivan made sure to make it as enjoyable as possible, kissing and marking Alfred's thighs and stroking his cock. Alfred could feel himself getting close to cumming when he felt something amazing shoot up his spin and make his cock jump.

"Oh _gawd_ , that-that—Do it again!" Alfred insisted, his voice cracking a bit.

Ivan eagerly obliged and pressed his fingers into Alfred's prostate. The strange pleasure had Alfred rocking his hips and unsolicited moans on his lips. He didn't think it could feel so good; he had tried to use his fingers before, but he could never do it right. However, Ivan was pressing into a spot that he couldn't get enough of. It hurt a bit, but it was a dull ache that was easily held back by how good Ivan was making him feel. Alfred groaned as he felt Ivan's free hand start to stroke him once more, and for the first time in a long time Alfred found himself cumming embarrassingly fast. He couldn't even warn Ivan about it. His mouth spewed broken moans and gasps, and his body tensed as his cock pumped cum right into Ivan's hand.

"Oh god... _fuck_ … I'm sorry," Alfred panted as he rode out his climax.

"It's alright," Ivan said as he wiped off his hand. "Are you ready for the next part, Fredya?"

Alfred felt his nervousness coming back with a vengeance at this question.

"Y-Yeah, totally. I'm ready…"

Ivan had a smile cross his face as he saw how nervous Alfred was. He moved forward to place a kiss on Alfred's cheek and rubbed his inner thigh.

"It's alright if you're not," Ivan assured. "We can try some other time."

A part of Alfred wanted to take him up on that, but another said no. He had been dancing around this part of their relationship for a year and he wasn't going to keep doing that. He wanted it just as badly as Ivan and if he backed out now there was no telling when they'd try again.

"Vanya… I want this," Alfred started. "We've gotten this far and I don't want to back out."

Ivan kept his stare on Alfred, trying to see through any rouse, but found nothing. Ivan sighed and moved to lay completely on Alfred and laid his head on his shoulder.

"You're right, we've come a long way, but I'm still worried."

Alfred felt a smile come to his face at hearing this and moved a hand to touch Ivan's cheek.

"Don't be. Like you said, it'll be okay. We'll still be the same, though occasionally we'll have quickies in a closet."

Ivan laughed at that but agreed and kissed Alfred lovingly. Alfred ran his hand through Ivan's hair and the other rubbed his back. Ivan rubbed Alfred's hips then trailed his hands upwards, though Alfred broke their kiss as a giggle escaped him.

"D-Don't tickle me when we're having a moment!" Alfred said through a laugh.

Ivan gave a short sorry before kissing Alfred once more, and then tickling him just to be a tease. Alfred smacked Ivan's back for it as he laughed, and Ivan finally let him go. He kissed down Alfred's body then grabbed the lube to slick up his fingers once more. He gave a warning before pushing in two fingers into Alfred's entrance, then added a third to make sure Alfred would be ready for him. Alfred's sensitivity was still pretty high after his climax so his moaning was even louder than before as Ivan stretched him. A few hisses escaped him as he was opened up further the dull ache gaining a bit of strength. Ivan tried to sooth him with slower movements and kisses during the process.

When Ivan was fully satisfied, Alfred's cock was leaking pre-cum once more. Ivan then grabbed a condom from the nightstand, but before he could put it on Alfred took it from him.

"Let me do it."

Ivan didn't deny Alfred and stood on his knees before him. Alfred felt his heart pounding hard against his chest as he was face to face with Ivan's cock. He felt like a nervous teen as he fumbled with opening the condom and getting it onto Ivan. He found himself getting more turned on as Ivan's cock twitched in his hands as he rolled on the condom. Once it was in place Alfred laid back down and Ivan lubed himself up before getting into position. A spike of fear ran up Alfred's spin as Ivan's cock touched him, and he quickly took a deep breath to try to stay relaxed.

"You okay?" Ivan asked in a soft voice.

Alfred nodded his head with slightly hesitation before saying, "Yeah, I'm good."

Ivan kissed Alfred one more time, drawing out the chaste kiss.

"Tell me if it's too much," he said in a low voice and Alfred only nodded his head in respone. Ivan stared down at Alfred for a moment, watching the blonde bit his bottom lip and his face flush a deep red. Ivan sighed softly at seeing how apprehensive Alfred was and moved his hands to Alfred's thighs. He rubbed his fingers into them gently as he pressed his cock into Alfred, not penetrating yet, just prodding, testing Alfred. Alfred swallowed thickly but tried to stay as calm as possible. He flexed his fingers against the bedding, attempting to get his nervous energy down and waited as he felt the pressure at his entrance increase. Alfred felt his eyes widen as he felt Ivan's cock start to slip in, stretching him more and filling him up. It was the oddest thing he ever felt and a bit painful, but he rode it out. He didn't want to stop, even though his fingers were clawing at the bedding with a white-knuckle grip.

"Relax Alfred, breathe," Ivan said as he rubbed his fingers into Alfred's thighs.

"I'm tryin'—a-ah!" Alfred sucked in a breath and gave a low hiss as he felt the thicker part of Ivan's cock sink in.

"Do you need me to stop?" Ivan asked worriedly.

"No, don't!" Alfred ordered as he took a ragged breath. "Keep going!"

Ivan did as told, but stopped short—feeling uncertain, and pulled back a bit. Alfred hissed softly as Ivan did this, and watched as he added more lube, then pushed back in. The added lube allowed for the rest of Ivan to sink in, and Alfred groaned at how full he felt and at the dull pain throbbing in his lower half.

"Are you okay—"

"God, don't move," Alfred hissed as he felt Ivan shift a little.

"Alfred if it hurts this much then we should—"

"Shut up, okay!" Alfred snapped and Ivan stared at him with wide eyes. "We are going to have sex tonight no matter what! It doesn't hurt that bad, just feels weird!"

Ivan didn't say anything to that and just stayed put. He looked Alfred up and down, noting how his cock was completely inside of Alfred, how Alfred's pained expression was lessening. Ivan really wanted to put an end to this. He didn't want to hurt Alfred, but Alfred wasn't going to let him.

"Okay… I'm good," Alfred said after a while.

"You sure?" Ivan asked.

"Yeah… and sorry I yelled at you."

Ivan smiled at that and leaned down to kiss Alfred tenderly.

"It's alright."

With that, Ivan pulled back and made the first thrust. Alfred let out a throaty groan as he felt Ivan's cock pull out then go back in. It felt hot, thick, and strange, and yet Alfred found himself wanting more.

"Are you alright?" Ivan asked as he looked at Alfred. "Does it feel good?"

Alfred nodded his head then asked Ivan the same. He didn't know if Ivan felt anything as much as he did, but Ivan assured him he did.

"You're so—" Ivan was cut off by a groan forcing its way out of him.

He had felt Alfred's ass tighten around him in a twitch and it squeezed him just right. He bucked his hips absentmindedly, but thankfully it didn't hurt too badly for Alfred. Alfred had his breath hitch from the action, but handled it well.

" _Fuck_ , move Vanya," Alfred said breathless.

Ivan nodded his head and adjusted his cock before thrusting once more. Ivan dug his fingers into the bedding as he rocked his hips, he wanted so badly to go faster and harder, but kept himself restrained. His thrusts were steady and a bit on the slow side, but Alfred was enjoying it. Having Ivan in him still felt strange but it started to feel good. He could feel the spot that Ivan had been teasing with his fingers getting hit every so often, and he want more of it.

"S-Shit, Vanya," Alfred moaned as he moved his hands to hold onto Ivan.

He dug his fingers into Ivan's forearms as he felt his body rocking gently. The moans that spilled from him grew louder as he felt Ivan gradually go deeper. It hurt a bit more than before, but Alfred did his best to ignore it. All he cared for was that Ivan was making him feel good, that Ivan was in his arms, that he was truly his. His mind was reeling as they made love, even with the slight pain everything felt amazing.

"G-Gawd, _Vanyaaaa_ —"

Ivan bit his bottom lip as he tried to keep himself in check. Hearing his nickname was really getting to him and he felt like he could cum any second. He growled as he dropped down, putting his chest right on top of Alfred's, and wrapped his arms around Alfred. He had an urge to hold Alfred closer, to feel his body move against his, to hear his heart beat as franticly as his own. He buried his faced into Alfred's neck, moaning into the soft skin as he pumped his hips a little faster. Alfred clung to Ivan, burying his face into his neck as well. He could feel himself getting closer and closer to his climax by every passing second. He rocked his hips against Ivan to try and make him feel as good as he did, and the result was Ivan cursing as he thrusted. He groaned out Alfred's name then squeezed Alfred tightly as he thrusted a harder. Alfred dug his fingers into Ivan's in response, curses and moans leaving his lips.

"V-Vanya, I—"

Alfred was cut off by the sudden touch of Ivan's hand on his cock. The second he felt that firm hand squeeze him gently he was done in. He came harder than he ever thought possible—body twitching, toes curling, and a silent scream on his lips. Alfred's reaction was enough to bring Ivan to his end. The man couldn't handle how Alfred seemed to pull him in deeper and squeeze, or the way Alfred's back arched as he came, or the fact that he finally made love to the man he'd been aching for.

Ivan groaned Alfred's name as he came and they both held onto each other as they rode out their climax. They could feel the tension drain from each other and their grip on each other go slack. The two stayed in this position for some time, both catching up on their breathing and letting the reality of what they did sink in. Ivan felt like his heart would burst as he laid on top of Alfred. After years of craving Alfred he finally had him, after waiting for so long he finally made love to him. It felt better than he could have imagined, but he knew what he thought didn't really matter. It was Alfred's thoughts that mattered, it was his first time with a man, and Ivan hoped to god he didn't mess it up.

Ivan took a deep breath as he thought about this then gently pulled back from Alfred. He kept his eyes downcast, afraid to look at Alfred, and gently pulled his hips back to take out his manhood. Alfred let out a hiss and tightened his grip on Ivan's arm as he was emptied. Ivan felt fear worming into his heart as he heard this and once he was out he stealthy looked for blood as he took off his condom. When he didn't find any he chanced a look up at Alfred to see the blonde staring at him. Alfred's pink face held just the slightest grimace and Ivan went to ask the question he feared.

"Was it good?"

Alfred gave a deep breath and wiggled a finger for Ivan to come to him. Ivan did as told and once he was close to him Alfred pulled him in for a kiss.

"It was good, but it did hurt." Ivan stayed silent and Alfred looked up at him to see fear on his face. "Ivan, don't freak out okay. I knew it was going to hurt no matter what. It still felt really good."

Ivan frowned at hearing that and Alfred moved a hand up to make his frown turn into a smile

"Ivan, I'm serious. I still love you and I loved what we did. It was a big thing for us."

Ivan sighed and laid back on his pillow to stare at the ceiling.

"Would you want to… do this again?"

"Yeah."

"And you're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, probably can't sit on my ass for a while, but I'm okay, honest."

Ivan felt a rush of relief and happiness come over him and he moved to smoother Alfred in a hug.

"Bog, ya lyublyu tebya tak mnogo."

Alfred felt his face heat up hearing that and smiled against Ivan's chest.

"You're lucky I know what that means," Alfred said then wiggled himself upwards to kiss Ivan's nose. "I love you too."

  


* * *

**Translations:**

dorogoy - darling

God, I love you so much. - Bozhe, ya tak sil'no lyublyu tebya.

*****Whoa this shit is long but I hope yall liked it! Only two chapters left and I already have one of them written, just gotta finish editing it!**

 


	19. Yes? No? Maybe so? - Prt. 1

**.+*Sorry this took so long! Hope yall like it!*+.**

* * *

**Chapter 19: Yes? No? Maybe so?**

**Prt. 1**

The burning sensation of not breathing brought Alfred from his slumber. He awoke with a start and looked around the room frantically only to find his daughter inches from his face. He felt his heart nearly give out at seeing her so close and out of nowhere.

"You're awake!" Marla cried happily as her daddy settled his frayed nerves.

"Yes, and nearly had a heart attack," Alfred retorted in a gruff voice as he repositioned himself on the couch. "What you want, child?"

Marla giggled at Alfred but answered his question. The eight year old grabbed the textbook she was using off the coffee table and placed it on Alfred's lap.

"What's the answers to these?" she asked as she pointed to the questions in her literature book.

Alfred squinted his eyes as he looked at the small print then gave a sheepish grin.

"U-Uh… comprehending the story, huh?" Alfred trailed off as he tried to skim through the story then went to the back of the book to see if there was an answers section.

"Daddy, no cheating," Marla said.

"Right, right… Well, let me see what you got so far." Marla handed over her paper and Alfred felt his embarrassment lessen as it finally clicked what Marla needed. "Okay so, the guy married the girl which made the two kingdoms get along—there, cause and effect," Alfred said a bit too proudly.

Marla just wrote it down as neatly as she could with her chicken scratch then gave a hum as she thought of something. Alfred watched her curiously and asked if she needed more help, but what he got as an answer blindsided him.

"Are you and Ivan going to get married?"

"W-What?" Alfred asked, his voice going a bit too high. "Where'd that come from?"

"Well in the story the Prince really liked the Princess and they got married… and you and Ivan like each other a lot," Marla said simply.

"Baby girl…. I don't think so… well I don't know… I mean…" Alfred sighed, face reddening as he tried to find his words. Up until now, marriage had never crossed his mind. He loved Ivan, , but the idea of marriage seemed so weird… so out of place… so _different_. Marrying Ivan just seemed farfetched, and the idea of going through a wedding again…

"Daddy?"

Alfred snapped out of his thoughts then pulled his hand away from the ring it was fiddling with. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he tried to take his mind off the weight on his finger.

"Marla… I don't know. Ivan is a great guy, but marriage is a big thing for people. Besides, if we got married you'd have two daddies," Alfred said and Marla's face instantly lit up then mellowed out to a smile so uncanny to Alfred's it made him grin. "Marla, I'm serious though, marriage is a big step and I don't know if Ivan is even ready for it, or myself," Alfred said and Marla just nodded her head, smile still in place.

"Gotcha," was all she said and a part of Alfred felt like that wasn't true.

Alfred didn't know how right he was, for later that day Marla was asking Ivan the same thing. The man had just come back from his job site and the little girl was right at his side once he entered his bedroom. Ivan was in the middle of changing out of his clothes when he noticed Marla staring. He stood hunched over in front of his dresser shirtless and in the process of taking off his pants when he spotted her smiling and staring from the bed.

"Is there something you need?" Ivan asked as he slowly pulled his pants back up and quickly slipped on a clean shirt.

"Oh nothing…. Just…." Marla twirled her finger into the bedding as she appeared innocent, making Ivan chuckle. "I was just wondering…. Will you and Daddy get married? You two like each other a lot and having two Daddies would be really cool," Marla said still keeping her innocent look, moving her big blue eyes to Ivan expectantly.

Ivan smiled and shook his head at Marla but indulged her.

"You would like us to get married?"

Marla nodded her head as she smiled brightly but then lessened it to keep up her innocent act.

"I mean, it is a big decision."

Ivan arched a brow at Marla's choice of words.

"Well, that's right. Marriage is a big decision. Both people involved need to feel comfortable and ready to take that step." Marla stared at Ivan blankly, having gotten lost and Ivan just sighed and moved to sit on the bed. "Marla, I wouldn't mind marrying your Daddy, but it's up to him if he wants to or not. He's been through a lot you know," Ivan said and Marla gave a sad, "Oh…"

Ivan patted her head then gave a hum as he decided on something.

"You wanna see a secret?" Marla quickly perked up at hearing this and Ivan couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. "Come on, it's in the dresser," he said as he got off the bed

Marla eagerly got up and followed, and Ivan opened his underwear draw to pull out a pair of Christmas socks. He unwrapped them to reveal a small velvet box and opened it up to show a diamond and sapphire ring. The gems were embedded in a gold band, and when Ivan took it out the box and showed the inside to Marla, she noticed a word carved into the metal that she didn't recognize.

"What's that mean?" she asked as she pointed to it.

"It's Russian for 'my sunshine'," Ivan explained then put the ring back in the box.

"Is that the ring for the wedding?" Marla asked, curious and excited.

Ivan nodded and Marla looked ready to jump for joy, but Ivan kept her silent.

"I bought it a year ago, but Alfred doesn't know about it," Ivan said as he admired the ring. He wished he could give it to Alfred—wished he could see his ring on the finger that still held a plain ring. "So, Marla, you have to keep this as our little secret. I'll propose to Alfred when the time is right," Ivan said and Marla nodded her head swiftly.

"Gotcha! And the right time is?"

Ivan shrugged his shoulders as he put the ring box back into hiding.

"I don't know, but I will eventually."

Marla gave a confused look, but shrugged her shoulders.

"Okay."

"Hey, yall having a party without me?" came a sudden voice and Ivan slammed his drawer shut as Alfred appeared in the bedroom. "You okay there, big guy?"

Ivan gave a nervous laugh as he nodded his head.

"Of course, of course. You, uh… You look good today," Ivan said nervously and Alfred looked at him like he was crazy.

"Really? A messy shirt and sweatpants does it for ya huh?" Alfred questioned.

"It's true Daddy, you smokin'," Marla said as she smiled brightly.

"And where'd you get that from?" Alfred asked as he looked at his daughter confused yet amused.

"You," she said simply, her smile still in place as she turned on her heel to walk out the room.

"Is it just me or is that kid getting weirder?" Alfred asked and Ivan just gave a weak laugh. "I'm serious though, you wouldn't believe the conversation we had just a while ago before you came home."

"Oh, try me," Ivan said

Alfred smacked his lips then felt his face start to heat up as he realized what he was going to say.

"U-Uh, she asked if we'd get married. You and me."

Ivan arched a brow at hearing this then realized just how crafty Marla was.

"Well… Do you think it's a bad idea?" Ivan asked. "Hypothetically that is," he added to be cautious.

Alfred rubbed the back of his neck as he looked at Ivan then shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know… it just seems… strange. It's not because we're guys or anything, it's just… I had been married and now Monika's gone. Getting married again just seems like a lot… I mean, we've been together for two years, close to three now that I think about it…." Ivan nodded his head and Alfred walked up to him to wrap his arms around him. He rested his head on Ivan's chest as he let out a sigh before continuing his thought. "It took five years for me to propose last time, plus when we are married a lot will change. Names will be changed, gotta do taxes as a couple, havin' more babies, hypothetically that is," Alfred said with a laugh and Ivan laughed with him. "Besides you could find some hot new boo and run off with them," Alfred said dramatically and Ivan rolled his eyes.

"I see your point Fredya, marriage is a big thing for us. It would mean a lot of changes, but nothing we couldn't handle, hypothetically," Ivan said. "And there's no way I'd leave you at the altar for some 'hot new boo'. You're all I'll ever need," Ivan said softly as he leaned down to press his forehead to Alfred's.

"I'll hold you to that, Vanya," Alfred said with a smile on his lips, which Ivan kissed.

Alfred moaned softly into it and when Ivan pulled back Alfred, he sighed and lowered his head in thought.

"So, hypothetically, are you saying marriage for us would be okay?" Ivan asked still trying to fish for an answer.

"Hhhmmm…. Right now… I don't know. I just, hypothetically… someday I'd like to, maybe, but right now I'm just not sure."

"That's alright." Ivan reached for Alfred's hands and held them gentle in his own, his thumbs rubbing the back of Alfred's hands. "This is only a hypothetical situation. We have time."

Alfred smiled softly at hearing that but nodded his head. Ivan was right, they had time. That's all they seemed to have, time to have the idea of marriage weigh on them—the hope for having a happy, long lasting relationship, mixed with the fear that it could be a mistake. Alfred was more bothered by these thoughts than Ivan. All he could think of was letting the last part of himself that still held onto Monika finally slip away. If he took this hypothetical step, then the ring that still remained on his finger would be meaningless.

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***** Thank you all for sticking with me this far! There's only ONE chapter left to write! I hope to get it done before my birthday, which is 5 days from now!**


	20. Yes? No? Maybe so? - Prt. 2

**.+*This is it! The last chapter! Enjoy!*+.**

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**Chapter 19: Yes? No? Maybe so?**

**Prt. 2**

Alfred sat in a lawn chair on the patio thinking of absolutely nothing, which had been his goal. He let the cool heat of October sooth his body as he watched the trees around the backyard lose their leaves. It was calming, relaxing… Alfred sighed as he looked away from the trees and down to his hand. The gold band that still resided on it glimmered in the sunlight and he twirled it around his finger. He did it enough to where it twirled down his finger and off, which quickly caught his attention. He scrambled to get a hold on it again then had a frown tug on his lips as he held it securely.

_"—are you saying marriage for us would be okay?"_

Alfred felt his stomach knot at the memory of his and Ivan's conversation. He hated how he felt so off about it. He had tried to talk himself through it, around it, and just flat out avoid it, but nothing put him at ease. For the past few months all he felt was anxiety settling in his stomach. He felt like he could enjoy being married to Ivan, could put aside his ring for another… Another part of him felt like it was physically impossible for him to. Another part of him felt bad, just plain bad. He didn't understand it but whenever he looked at Ivan he felt like he had lied to him. It was just a hypothetical conversation but he felt like he had lied. And what made it worse was the seemingly hopeful look Ivan had when they talked about marriage.

"What's wrong with me?" Alfred asked himself as he slipped his ring back on.

Alfred looked to the table beside his chair and picked up his phone. He looked at the time, noting that Ivan would be home any minute with Marla from school, then pulled up his contacts. He scrolled through to find his brother then dialed.

 _"What's up?"_ Matthew asked upon answering.

"Nothin' just… can I come over real quick?" Alfred asked, attempting to keep his voice calm.

 _"Sure… Is something wrong?"_ Matthew asked.

Alfred let out a sigh then got up from his chair.

"I'll tell ya later, okay?"

 _"Alright, I'll hold you to that,"_ Matthew said, a serious tone lacing his words.

"Psh, okay. See ya later."

Matthew gave a short goodbye as well before Alfred hung up and went back into the house. He quickly grabbed his wallet and keys before getting into his car and driving to his brother's apartment. When he arrived Gilbert was just leaving, which put a suspicious look on Alfred's face while Matthew blushed. Once Alfred was inside he went right for the kill.

"So, what did Gil do to make you blush so hard Mattie?" Alfred questioned in a gushy voice that had Matthew's blush grow darker.

"You know he's just a clown," Matthew started. "He takes jokes too far," he continued as he rubbed a spot on his neck.

"Well, true, he is the clown of the group, but I think there's—"

"There's isn't anything, Al. He's still a friend, besides—aren't you here to talk about your problem?" Matthew cut in, his face as bright as a cherry.

"Fine, fine," Alfred said with a smile, though it faded a bit as he figured out what to say. "I've been… Well, Ivan…" Alfred cleared his throat and chanced a glance up at his twin. Matthew sat patiently beside him on the couch. "Ivan wants to get married."

"What?" Matthew asked, his voice getting high like a teenager.

"Y-Yeah… Well, I mean… We had a hypothetical conversation about it a while back and I just can't stop thinking about it."

"What?" Matthew asked again his surprise a little more reined in than before. Alfred rubbed the back of his neck then stared down at his feet.

"I just... I feel bad about this. Even if it was a "What if" kinda thing I'm still… worried. I don't know if I could say yes to him or no. And right now I know I can't look Ivan in the face much because I feel like I lied to him."

"But you didn't lie, it was just a "What if"," Matthew said as he stared at his brother.

"I know, but he looks so… hopeful… And a part of me wants to marry him, but…" Alfred trailed off unsure of how to put his conflicting feelings into words.

Matthew eyed his brother then moved a hand to touch Alfred's, rubbing a finger over the gold band still on his brother's hand.

"Al, I can't really help you with this, but just think about this… If you love Ivan enough to date him for four years then I think you can marry him. I know you're afraid because of how you feel for Monika." Matthew pressed his finger down on the ring and Alfred stared at it. "You've moved on though, I know you have, and marrying Ivan won't make you lose what's left of her."

"But... I can't even process what marrying Ivan would be like. With Monika, I could see our future. I felt comfortable. I wanted it. With Ivan… I just feel so confused. I want to be with him, but I just feel so terrified of making that leap..." Alfred said slowly.

Matthew moved his hand up to Alfred's face and pulled it up to look him in the eyes.

"You won't lose Ivan by marrying him. You won't lose Monika's memory by marrying him. Ivan's in good health and happy to be with you. Plus you are the man he's been in love with for years. He wouldn't leave you and I know you wouldn't leave him. And I'm sure Marla will be happy to have you both as parents."

Alfred felt tears sting his eyes as he looked at his brother then leaned forward to hug Matthew tightly.

"I love him Mattie, but I don't want this to end badly."

"It's just paranoia. And about not seeing a future with him…" Matthew pulled Alfred back to see his face. "Have another "What if" conversation. See what he thinks a future with you would be like."

Alfred nodded his head meekly as he thought it through.

"Okay."

** :/:/:/:/:/: **

When Alfred got back home Marla was in the middle of a nap and Ivan was drawing beside her.

"Welcome back," Ivan said without turning around as he designed a roof for a new home.

Alfred didn't say anything in response, which got Ivan's attention and the man turned around. Ivan's violet eyes quickly widened to a worried gaze as he saw how red Alfred's eyes where.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he got up from the floor and walked around the couch.

"Yeah, I'm fine now," Alfred said as he smiled softly at Ivan.

Ivan gave a skeptical look and Alfred swallowed thickly and averted his eyes.

"Alfred, you can talk to me."

Alfred bit his bottom lip as he tried to think of what to say. He had been rehearsing his lines in the car, but now it seemed like his practice was for nothing. Alfred lifted his eyes to look at Ivan, then dart over to Marla, who still slept. Ivan caught onto this.

"Let's talk somewhere else."

Alfred didn't fight him and followed Ivan upstairs and to their bedroom.

"Okay, now can you tell me what's going on?" Ivan asked once he closed the door.

"Just… you know how we were talkin' about marriage?" Alfred started and Ivan nodded his head. "Well… what do you think about it? Hypothetically?"

Ivan blinked slowly at the question as he processed Alfred's words.

"I think it would be nice. Waking up every day knowing that we're together almost permanently. Looking at your hand and my own to find matching rings. Raising Marla together and caring for Sputnik," Ivan said as he looked at Alfred critically.

Alfred sighed at hearing that then scratched his hand.

"So, hypothetically, if we got married…. You can see us being happy together? Being Mr. and Mr. Braginsky or Jones or whatever?"

Ivan nodded slowly. "Yes… Do you?"

Alfred bit his lip as he thought about it. He tried to see it like Ivan did, to see himself happy with a husband and Marla. Having Ivan at his side for the rest of his life, knowing he was his. Kissing, hugging, going on family trips, date nights, just doing what they've always done, but perhaps… later on… adopting a kid or any other pet… Alfred felt his stomach knot, but not in the anxious way as before.

"I—I do…" Alfred said realizing for the first time that he actually could see them together.

"So, hypothetically, would you marry me?" Ivan said, trying to ease an answer out of him without pushing too hard.

"I… I don't know… maybe…" he said slowly and moved to sit down on the bed. "I realize now that I can be happy with you. I mean, in a hypothetical marriage, but… I'm still afraid of moving on from this," he admitted, his voice dropping to a whisper as he toyed with the ring on his finger.

"Fredya… Monika will always be with you no matter the changes that happen," Ivan said reassuringly as he sat down beside him.

"But I don't want to forget her…" Alfred's soft voice trailing off as he stared at the ring.

"I don't think it's possible to," Ivan said as he moved closer to Alfred.

"How?" Alfred asked looking up, a desperate look gracing his features.

"You have Marla," he answered with a smile. "After all, she is her mother's daughter. Plus, Monika _was_ the one that got us back together."

Alfred smiled at hearing that and nodded his head as he agreed with Ivan. He then let out sigh and laid back on the bed with a soft thump. Ivan followed his lead and laid down beside him, then turned on his side to look at Alfred's contemplative face.

"Do you feel any better?" he asked hopeful.

"Yeah, I guess," Alfred replied, "but there's just one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Do you like me? Like, really like me?"

Ivan had a grin crack his face as he tried to suppress a laugh. Alfred just pouted at him, but Ivan kept it together and nodded his head.

"Yeah, I like-like you."

Alfred smiled back and rolled onto his side then onto Ivan, pushing the man onto his back fully. He laid on top of him and placed a kiss on his lips. The two shared loving kisses that steadily grew needier as Alfred relaxed into the embrace. He never thought he'd feel certain about what he wanted to do and how he felt about marriage, but he did. He could only hope that someday he would have the courage to propose—or say yes—when the time came. Ivan felt the same on that matter, but he had an inkling that he would propose very soon.

He didn't realize how soon until he took notice of something different about Alfred a few weeks later. All day he felt like something had changed and it wasn't until nightfall that he realized what it was. Alfred's old wedding ring was gone, and the first thing Ivan could think was _'This is my chance.'_

Although Ivan felt the urge to dig out the ring and propose right then and there, he waited. He wanted to see if the ring would appear, if Alfred had just lost it for the day and then found it. However, after three days had passed and Alfred seemed to be content without the ring Ivan knew that it was finally time. This fact made his stomach knot and his heart flutter. He was finally going to propose, Alfred would finally be his completely, but how to go about it… He wasn't sure.

Going on a date night seemed too cheesy, plus he didn't want Alfred to feel pressured by having an audience. Proposing at the park would also be cheesy. Doing it at home could work, but the timing would have to be right and Marla would have to be elsewhere so not to ruin the moment. Ivan needed a way to prose that wouldn't freak Alfred out, and be subtle but not half assed.

"What's got you thinking so hard?" a sudden voice asked. "New blueprints?"

Ivan looked up from his laptop to see Alfred coming into their bedroom. The blonde started to strip off his clothing as Ivan gave his answer.

"Something like that. Is Marla already asleep?"

Alfred nodded his head as he stepped out of his pants.

"Yup, went out like a light before I even finished the story," he said with a yawn. Ivan gave a hum to this, and gave no further comment.

Alfred flopped down on their bed, turned on his side to face Ivan, and patted the pillow as he said, "Stop working and sleep with me."

"Oh, it has been awhile since we did that," Ivan said with a grin and Alfred rolled his eyes.

"You know what I meant," Alfred said with an exaggerated eye roll. "Besides I'm not even in the mood."

Ivan chuckled at hearing this and closed his laptop after saving his work. He turned off his bedside lamp, leaving Alfred's to be the other source of light. He then got under the sheets and wrapped his arms around Alfred.

"So, if I got you into the mood you'd want it?" Ivan asked as he started to kiss Alfred's neck.

"Sure big guy," Alfred said with a yawn. "Though I think Imma fall asleep before we get too far."

"I take it that work was exhausting."

Alfred gave snort to that and nodded his head. Ivan smiled and kissed Alfred's tired face, though it was cut short as Alfred groped Ivan's crotch. Alfred had a mischievous grin come to his face and Ivan furrowed his brow then gasped softly as Alfred squeezed him.

"I thought you were too tired," Ivan said through a growl as Alfred teased him.

"I am, but I still wanna mess with ya," Alfred defended, however his touch was short lived and he curled up against Ivan. The blonde was soon passed out in a matter of seconds and Ivan just sighed and shook his head. He ran a hand over Alfred's cheek, feeling its softness, then trailed it down further. He found himself going for Alfred's hand and lifted it up to his face to see the missing ring. He rubbed his thumb over it, but the moment he did so he had an idea, an idea to propose. A wide smile came to Ivan's face as he thought of his plan and had half a mind to go ahead with it at that very moment, but decided against it. Instead he calmed himself down, turned off Alfred's light, and tried to fall asleep to keep himself distracted.

He barely slept that night, and by 6:45am Ivan was up and ready to go. The man wiggled free of Alfred's grasp and eagerly got to the ring box stashed in his dresser. He took the ring out as he got to Alfred's side of the bed and gently took his hand. He slipped the ring into place then laid back down on the bed. At 7:15am Alfred's alarm went off and Ivan feigned sleep as Alfred started to wake.

Alfred yawned loudly as he reached out to turn off his alarm, then settled back down. He rubbed at his eyes with the intention of getting up, but froze when he felt something cool and metallic rub against his eyelid. He slowly opened his eyes to see what it was. He held his hand close to his face to see the object and stared owlishly at what he saw. A gold ring with blue and white gems embedded into it was on his once bare finger and he half wondered if he robbed a jewelry store in his sleep. Alfred inspected the ring then looked over to his side as he felt Ivan shift beside him. Alfred watched Ivan reach over him then presented the glasses that he had grabbed. Alfred slowly took them and put them on and felt his face start to heat up as he looked at Ivan. The man looked at him like he was the most important thing in the world, and the bashful smile plastered onto his face didn't make things any better.

"I-Ivan…?"

Ivan licked his lips after hearing his name and moved his hand to hold Alfred's. Ivan admired the way his ring looked on Alfred's hand then up to the wide-eyed, bed-headed mess that was Alfred.

"I know that things have been rough for you, and I hope this isn't too badly timed, but I love you so much that I can't wait any longer to ask," Ivan said with a pink flush staining his face. "Alfred Francine Kirkland-Bonnefoy-Jones," Alfred felt his face catch fire at hearing his full name, but Ivan just smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Will you marry me?"

Alfred stared at Ivan blankly, his mind going blank at the question he knew was coming. He knew what he wanted to say, he honestly did, but for some reason he couldn't put the words together. He just stared at Ivan, watching the man stare back looking anxious and then worried as he reached to touch his face. Ivan rubbed his thumb under his eyes and that's when Alfred realized he had started crying.

"Alfred…. You don't have to saying anything," Ivan said solemnly, a weak smile on his face. "I'm sorry, I—"

"No," Alfred finally said, finding his voice again and sat up. "Don't you apologize for this," he said sternly and Ivan looked at him surprised. "I just woke up and then you blindside me with, with—this!" Alfred shook the hand that held the ring for emphasis. "Of course I wouldn't be able to say anything right away you idiot!"

"S-So…. Will you marry me?" Ivan asked cautiously as he slowly sat up in bed.

Alfred swallowed a lump in throat as he heard the question again. He took a shaky breath then placed both his hands in Ivan's and had a goofy smile come to his face as more tears seemed to spill down his cheeks.

"Yes."

The instant the word left his mouth Ivan lunged for Alfred, knocking him back onto the bed in a tight hug. Alfred struggled to move or breath, but it didn't much matter as Ivan stole his breath by kissing him any and everywhere he could. Alfred giggled from the kisses and attempted to kiss Ivan back as eagerly as Ivan kissed him.

"I love you so much, Fredya," Ivan said fondly as he buried his face in the crook of Alfred's neck.

"I love you too, Vanya," Alfred replied feeling confident in his words and overwhelming content knowing it was true.

Alfred raised his hand from where it lay on Ivan's back to admire the ring. He twirled the ring around his finger, but it was cut short as another hand took hold of it. Alfred watched Ivan's hand bring his hand down to his chest and then slip off the ring.

"There's something else that I want to show you," Ivan said fondly as he held up the ring to Alfred's face.

Alfred looked at the inside of the ring confused, then gasped as he noticed what was inside. In smooth calligraphy was a phrase that he had gotten used to being called.

"Moye solnyshko…" Alfred said in a soft voice.

"Yes, 'my sunshine'," Ivan translated, then slipped the ring back on.

Alfred cracked a smile as he felt his heart ready to burst in his chest.

"You're such a sap," he said.

"Says the one that asked if I 'like-liked' you," Ivan replied, grinning ear to ear.

Alfred couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of him then. He didn't feel anything other than happiness; there was no room for worry or fear, not even a little hesitation. He was no longer even afraid of the possibility of losing Monika. He was just happy—happy that he had Ivan, happy that he had someone to love again. And this time, he knew that it would last.

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******Well I'd like to say thank you all for putting up with the irreglaur updates and my bad spelling (which i'm going back and fixing as we speak as well as changing a few minor things with in the story)! Thank You all for the reviews and now I shall get back to Strength! I feel better about my writing and ready to tackle that mess xp**


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